Kind of urgent help needed

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Okay, here's the SITREP. I'm loosely acquainted with a girl, but I've not seen her for a while. I say hello to her when I've seen her in the past and she has returned it. I'm thinking of sending her a short general message on Facebook. I've set my objectives for this as my message not seeming wierd or awkward and possibly getting a reply.

I think I can achieve at least one of those. I don't understand communication very well, so I'm looking for ideas on the best way to address my message and such.

Do I want to sound assertive, direct or the like? In past communication situations with people, I think I have sounded overly negative and not very confident. Particuarly because there has been a self degenerative streak to my words, I think because I didn't want to sound big headed and such.

Any help you guys can give is appreciated. I'm not expecting to achieve the world with this, but I'm hoping I can at least learn something such as how to speak to people better.

Well... I don't know in what way you normally send a message, but how about just asking her how she is? Maybe mention that you haven't seen each other in a while and that you'd like to do something together sometime? "It's been way too long let's meet up sometime? ". I can't really type out the message for you as I don't know if you normally use smilies, or x's at the end, that sort of stuff.

If you make the theme of the message "harmless fun" you cant go wrong imo, you can be as direct as you like but if you come from a harmless fun point of view and use a few smiles you should be alright.

"How you going"
"Hows the weather"
"What you been up to"
"How do you like that!"
"thats good"
"thats bad"

light frophy messages...

Also there is always something positive about everything you do or say so try and find the light hearted side of everything its the stuff that wears you down the least when you think about it.

Good advice.
Also you might keep to "you" messages. If you don't talk about yourself, you won't need to sound negative.

my mom always told me the best way to communicate with people is to know this little fact most people expecailly NT's like to talk about themselves...so ask her alot of questions about her...seem interested..even if your not and if she does not ask a question dont force it on her just ask anouther question that has nothing to do with that question she avoids.

Girls usually like horses, puppies, animals in general
most girls have a favorite singer, movie star etc
most girls usually like to talk about celebrities, some like books and will discuss a book they are reading. some like art and will discuss that too

Find out her interests...like what are your hobbies? or what do you like to do?
what is your favorite_______(fill in the blank) ....is usually how I start a conversation it quickly moves the conversation past small talk which I hate.

write a poem to her...dont get too mushy you may run her off...but girls like poems.
but in general keep the conversation centered on her and keep her talking about herself exept when she asks about you... then answer. You dont have to put yourself down to avoid being too "full of it" just keep conversation about you factual not opinional that way you can avoid putting yourself down.'
ex. if she asks what do you like to do
dont say ....I am an anime freak (not saying you are... just example)
do say...I like anime..and name what artists you prefer and why.

also when you discuss things with people dont just say I like this ..or that
go into why you have this idea...this makes room for more conversation. and a chance to find common ground

The more some one finds in common with you the more comfortable they will feel with you and you with them.

after finding her interests, think of which ones you share in common with hers
then proceed an open discussion about that interest....still keeping focus on her intrests

once you found "common ground" you can build a relationship of sorts from there based on what you have in common. If you cant find anything in common...keep looking it is there

ohh and if you disagree with her on something not really that important...instead of saying your wrong...or you are nuts....just say..."how interesting" and change the subject of the conversation. In the NT world "how interesting" can mean many things but it does not offer an opinion either way. The gesture of changing subject to an NT is enough to let them know that you disagree or are not interested. Practice these things with other ppl too and skills will improve alot.

make sense?? if it doesn't dont be shy...just tell me and I will clarify. I am an ausie with 9 years of social skills training...so I am kinda on both sides of the fence and can be a doorway for you.


best wishes,

Jojo

Great post jojobean!

Except I'm scared of the poem thing, but that's one of my allergies <grin>.

Don't be afraid to say things that mean "I like you". Especially if they are specific and localized, like "I like talking with you", or " I like hanging out with you", or more specific when you find shared interests. The words between Like and You don't matter very much.