Toxic Friend Situation

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I'm currently going through a very unpleasant situation with a friend. I've been friends with her for 9 years. She's always been good to me (with the exception of few occasions, when she has massive emotional outbursts, which I forgave her), helped me out in numerous occasions, and we usually have a lot of fun spending time together. We do have our incompatibilities here or there, which prevented a romantic relationship from forming, but overall, it was a very good friendship, and I'm a better person for it.

About two months ago, she lost her job. Due to the recession, it's fairly common, and even socially acceptable to an extent. Apparently, that event hurt her to the core, and she turned into a completely different person. She started acting very vicious, tactless, and disrespectful toward me. When we hang out together, she keeps pointing out my flaws, and calls me lazy for not being able to find a job (I lost mine too, but long before she did). She even criticizes me about everything she can think of. I keep asking her to stop, but she tells me to shut up, and says he does it because she wants to help me. She also gossips about me to complete strangers, even when I'm standing right next to her. She also completely stops caring about me the second we set foot into a store. Of course, she denies it when I say "you're only using me as a taxi driver".

This one time, when we were supposed to go clothes shopping for 1 hour, she ended up shopping for 3 hours; when I called her out on it, she screamed in a hysterical fit, and called me a "ret*d". On many occasions, she asked me to do things I thought were unreasonable (like calling one store to see if another store had a certain product), and when I balked, she went into such a massive screaming fit, that if I didn't know her well, I'd think she's going to attack me physically. On top of that, when I agreed to fix her computer after she screamed at me like that (I promised, and thought it was wrong to go back on a promise), she called me "spineless" as a way of thanking me. Another time, we went to an art benefit dinner, where I ended up talking to a group of people I vaguely knew. We were telling each other made-up stories (hey, it was an art event), and I chimed in with some intellectual remarks. Those people seemed to like it, but when I shared it with my friend, she looked at me with a confused "what a loser" expression on her face, but luckily, didn't chew me out.

During the course of all this, going against my better judgment, I went on vacation with her, to a place a few hours away. She had a massive Jackyll and Hyde thing going on. First she yelled at me for most of the time I drove her. Then she was nice and sweet. Then she yelled at me for standing at the wrong end of the line (the buffet layout made it unclear where the line started, but try telling her that). Then she criticized me pretty badly in front of a group of people we just met. Then she told me how much fun she was having with me. Then she yelled at me for being an embarrassment to her. It wasn't until the last day when she apologized for being mean, and was quiet for most the ride home.

Now, I did try to talk to her about how hurtful she was being during the past two months. In response, she said I didn't know what I was talking about, and that it was all in my head. Then she told me we were longer friends. I'm at a point when I stopped caring. Because basically, she meets all the criteria of a toxic friend (http://www.ehow.com/how_5082944_recognize-toxic-friend.html). Now, she doesn't know I have AS, and telling her would be social suicide, since she'll gossip about it to every person she sees. I know fully well that this behavior is coming from her losing a job. But I didn't act anywhere near as bad when I lost my job (mostly, I punched couch cushions, and spent too much time on the internet). And I certainly didn't take it out on my friends. Either way, I lost all trust and respect for her, and don't see myself being more than an acquaintance of hers, at least not for the next few months.

After all this, I'm actually kicking myself a little for being suspicious of a bipolar girl I dated not that long ago (mentioned in the thread http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt99197.html). While she had her set of problems, and the relationship didn't work out, she was one of the sweetest girls I ever met. Nowhere during the whole time I dated her did she treat me like this.

So what's your take on this situation? What do you think I should do? I already took the beginning steps by warning mutual friends about how she's been treating me, in case she tries to spread rumors.

If she said you're no longer friends, consider yourself lucky and hold her to it. Stop taking her calls and don't answer the door when she drops by. Hopefully she never will, but she sounds bipolar to me, so as you've already seen, she'll waffle as her mood changes. You're very right about the relationship being toxic - I've been married to that - it's not likely to get any better, job or no job.

I'm with Willard on this. She just handed you your salvation. Of course, I'm sure she expects you to forgive her and come back for more punishment.

With friends like that, who needs enemies?

This person is using you and obviously doesn't respect you. She resents you, because you let her walk all over you for no real reason. She isn't your SO, and she isn't a family member so why put up with her crap for? You don't owe her anything.

Either bipolar or dissociative to a degree. If she is she isn't going to get any better at being a friend without getting a handle on her behavior, and just putting up with or trying to talk to her normally won't get anywhere (especially if she's bipolar far gone into a bad manic swing; its kind of like the emotional part of a bad trip in a way and your stuck there till the pendulum swings the other way). It's still no reason for you to have to put up with it, especially without any sort of apology. I recommend telling her flat out your done until she decides to treat you like a person and a friend again and just walk away (literally, just tell her and leave regardless of what she does or says). If she really is your friend and is bipolar when the mood passes she'll apologize, then you can bring up getting a handle on the swings. If she doesn't, no loss.

Agree with the others. I had to finish a "friendship" early this year which was very hard but I found that I'd become traumatised by this person. Always putting me down, criticising my interests, my everything. Earlier she wasn't like this but I realised that once she'd got my trust she was into a power trip and became very manipulative.
Your " friend" has given you an easy out........take it and don't look back.....if she challenges you on your resolve don't enter into discussion as it will hook you back into her power play.
......if you don't feel comfortable anymore you don't feel comfortable.....should be enough and need no justification or whatever.

By any chance, was she a manager or in a position of power in her old job? She may be used to having control of her surroundings and suddenly losing that security has made her grasp at straws to make her feel she still has that control (i.e bossing you around and acting horribly); it sounds like she's trying to recreate her old position, with you as the office whipping boy...

If she was nice before she lost her job, she may become ok again when she gets a new one. I'd leave well alone for the next few months (you're not a martyr) and keep your distance if she tries to make up.

She was not a manager at her old job. She worked in an entry-level position, doing inside sales. From what she described, it was a very stressful job, clients kept bailing on her, and she just wasn't meeting the quotas. While she's an OK person overall (when not having her temper tantrums), she's one of the most judgmental people I know, so I don't really blame the clients, lol.