Spontaneous fun

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Do any of you have trouble being participating fully (on par with your NT peers) with more spontaneous fun with your peers? For example, knowing how to interact when people are doing silly things that are entertaining to most (and perhaps even to you but you do not show it in the same way others do and end up looking rigid)? If so, how do you deal with that?

I can't do stuff like that

That's when I feel the most detached. I don't deal with it. The best thing I can do is stand there with strained smile on my face. I'm talking about situations where there is clearly no reason for that much hilarity.

Same here

Ditto. By an order of magnitude.

For those Aspies who say that they can't do it, maybe you could reflect about why you think you can't do it and think of ways to change that.

NT's have you noticed people like that? What specifically do you think the problem might be and how can it be corrected?

Why is it a problem requiring aspies to change? If it's funny I laugh, if the people are just being dumbasses I stand there and wait for them to finish.

I'm usually the initiator of dickery, my tom-foolery skills are beyond your comprehension

Seriously though, I wish that social interaction could be wordless and me and my friends could just go around acting like idiots, throwing a fire-cracker in a cow turd speaks a thousand words, as they say

Another example of this occured today. I went to a small cookout for a friend who will soon leave the area. A number of his relatives (mostly aunts, uncles, etc) were around. I went into the room that he was in and I greeted him as he was playing a video game and some friends were sitting around. It was a small room so there wasn't really anywhere to sit down. So I felt awkard about the being the only one standing and it was easy to tell that the people on the floor around me felt awkard because (I think) they subconsciously realized that they were in a vulnerable position with me standing over them and that made them uncomforable. We made small talk for a minute and he told me I could go grab some food so I did. When I came back he had left (temporarily everyone in room thought bc he didn't say that he was going for good) that room for the nearby living room. I was left alone with his sister (who I met briefly once before but neihter one of us remembered until after I left), a couple of other girls who I hadn't met before, and I guy that I went to h.s. with but whose name I didn't remember because I never talked to him.

No one really talked that much. There was a brief conversation between two of the people when one of them used their cell phone to write on the other's facebook wall but there wasn't an opportunity to interject. But I was able to get a few words in with the guy's sister when she asked me how I knew her brother as well as when she was talking about a text message that she got. Other than that, it was pretty dead. Part of it was because everyone else already knew everyone and so they were comfortable in each other's presence without having to constantly talk. I don't blame myself because this was an intrinsically awkard situation. But, I know a lot of people who would have been able to get them talking without using trite small talk starters like it's nice weather or what do you do for fun. Why you ask? Well, sometimes they work, but sometimes they are inappropriate given the context of the conversation (or lack there of) or the people around. I woudl rather be thought of as the awkard quiet kid then have people say, WTF is wrong with that kid, he always says random stuff. HELP!!

Spontaneous fun is always very difficult for me, even at events I really enjoy.

Years ago, I went to a drum circle where the drummers were playing some very stimulating gypsy music and many people were moved to dance. I really wanted to join them, but ended up feeling like the kid in the window who wasn't allowed out to play, and can only watch others do so and silently yearn. My husband is the same exact way and knows how I feel, though he's somewhat more social than me.

Seeing people have fun at events I like (ie. at creative events, not places filled with frat boy wannabes) always reminds me how divided and pent up inside I always am when it comes to social interaction.

The few times I "let myself go" and take a social chance, people tend to act as if the cat just started talking about physics and draw attention to me. ("It's SO NICE to see you having fun for a change", "GOOD for you deciding not to be shy." etc.) I go right back into my shell and wish myself away.

Note to others: shy/quiet people do not want to be reminded just how obviously shy/quiet they seem to other people ever...especially when they've just gotten their courage/energy/interest level up to say/do something.

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Last edited by azulene on 10 Aug 2009, 10:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

I don't really feel like I'm missing out if I don't join in on that kind of thing to the same extent as my friends. I'll join in if I feel comfortable, but usually I'll just watch. It's not that I don't enjoy it or think it's stupid, I do like stupid fun. :B I just don't always like the pressure of doing something when watching is just as funny.

Agreed.

A lot of times I'm too reserved or nervous to let myself go. Sometimes I do, though, and I do all right usually.

Yep. Been there. What is it with people? Yeah, I decided when I was three that I would have intense social anxiety. I mean, it just seemed like the thing to do at the time, and I always stood by my decision. But then one day, I thought, "You know, I'm in the mood for something different. How about a bit of karaoke?"

And THAT is why I don't buy the whole "aspies don't have empathy" thing, because whether we do or not, that kind of attitude ("Aren't you glad you decided to come out of your shell and join the living") proves that at least some NTs don't either. Otherwise they wouldn't say daft things like that.

"Spontaneous fun" is an oxymoron for me. Spontaneous or unpredictable things make me anxious. I don't know how to act when people are acting silly or "random". I can't relax enough to join in, so I usually stand awkwardly to the side with an uncomfortable smile.

Yes, definitely. Me too. Whenever I ask a question in class, somebody always turns around and smiles at me. Some people will give me a thumbs-up and whisper "Good job!" Asking questions in class is not a difficult thing for me to do. Having a conversation with somebody and asking a question are completely different things. When people congratulate me on speaking up, they're just embarrassing me.