Unhappy peer

Post Reply New Topic

Recently, I had added a girl to facebook, who I had known back in 2002. However, she never ever seemed to find a job and had trouble in school. I had eventually moved away in 2003 and had started a life in this town. Meanwhile, she kept talking about going to school but for some reason, nothing seemed to work out at that school. She had even gotten a job at an amusement park and quit after the first week or two, complaining that it was too much stress and too many hours.

I stopped talking to her for quite a while and added her to my facebook. At that point, she said that psychology was her major and that she was at a University. However, whenever, I asked her about it, she never told me how much she liked the materials or how interesting it was. So, I got a IM on facebook last week, saying that she had just dropped out because psychology was too stressful and that she hated the blended classes. She then said she was going to transfer to a different college and major in Child Development. However, I tried to encourage her to try online classes and read the chapters 3-4 times. Unfortunately, she gave me excuses that everything was to hard for her.

So today, I sent her an e-mail and told her that nothing ever seemed to make her happy and that she was being a whiner and a quieter. It didn't suit her very well though because she got mad and left me a really childish message on my cell phone because I had also mentioned that I was going to remove her for those reasons.

I mean, this girl is 27 years old and acts like a 15-year-old. She often gets mad when she doesn't get her way and throws big tantrums when someone gets after her.

I've no idea how you worded the email, but if you used words like 'quieter' and 'whiner' in it then you dropped the ball big time. It's kind of hard to come off as anything but insulting with those kinds of words, not motivational which i'm sure is what you intended.

But as to how she sounds, some people just dont grow up. As well, pyschology major too stressful? You are probably more right than you intended with words like quieter and whiner. Seriously, pyschology major is the generic GED of college.

She's probably dealing with other issues like depression that are the reason she cant get motivated (and now you're gonna have to work real hard to overcome calling someone with depression issues a quieter and whiner). Of course, bringing that up is an even finer line than tryin to motivate someone.

She drops out of school all the time and never seems to study. She then complains that the material is too hard and doesn't want to anything to improve herself. After that, she will run off to a different college where the cycle will happen over and over again. I even suggested reading the material more than once until she understood it. When it comes to a job, same story. She goes into the job and then quits, complaining that she didn't like it or that it was too stressful. She then acts like a teenager, and thinking everyone is going to bend over backwards to please her. Then she whines, "Why can't I get another job?" That is why I called her a quitter because I got tired of all the whining that she does. I didn't tell her this, but I think she is being a dead-beat and choosing to be a looser.

When I say, whiner, I mean whiner. One time, I had her over, and she went into my room and pouted because we had balloons in the house. She then got mad at me because I didn't even know if we had them. So, my mom had to take her home.

I understand she had learning disabilities but she takes them out on everyone else to feel sorry for her.

Ok, it sounds like what I was saying. The problems with school and work are not actual problems, but a symptom of a problem, her learning disability and probable depression.

I dont see what your problem is with the situation. You should either just not communicate/associate with her if you dont like her character and attitude - Or be more motivating and constructive in your criticism. (IE, dont call her a whiner and a quitter and tell her just to read something 4 times if she doesnt get it, just ridiculously bad things to do).

If she's tried school as much as you've said, maybe come up with some other solution. Think of a vocational school, a tech school, those are sooo much more laid back and easy, small classes, less work, more job oriented material. The non-credit night courses of a local community college as well. They are typically real cheap, take some of those to try and spark an interest.

What kind of jobs is she so incapable of handling? Retail stuff? Waitressing?

I wonder why you friended her in the first place if she got on your nerves so much. Also, it sounds like you asked her questions about her school expecting a certain answer and got upset when you didn't get it. I'm not saying everybody should accomodate her all the time or listen to whining or anything. If her talking about how she can't get a job etc bothers you, I think you should tell her something along the lines of "I'm not comfortable talking about this with you, but I do wish you luck and if you want to ever try a different approach to it, I'll be glad to talk to you about it" and leave it at that.

Her dropping out of school doesn't hurt you. Her not having a job doesn't hurt you. You bring up how she was in school when you were younger and I'm wondering if maybe your motive for friending her was more of an ego thing than wanting to touch bases. I personally like to run into people from my high school days who were really popular and successful then and listen to their divorce, bankruptcy, downsizing etc stories and then when they ask me how I am now, tell them about my happy life. (I'm an Aspie and had a HORRIBLE time in school, the ones who are doing so bad now are the very ones who used to lord their acheivements over me). You said she was a whiner and all back in school, so I can't see that she would be one of the ones who gave you trouble in school.

I think that unless she was a close friend who you shared a lot of your life with and confided in each other, that you were out of line telling her she was a quieter and a whiner.

As hard as it is to LISTEN TO that girl, it's probably a lot harder to BE that girl.

PaganMom

We actually did not meet in school. I met her on the bus, and we started talking. At first I liked her but she never really took much of an interest. I mean, she would invite me to do things, and when I would, another friends would also be invited. I would then get kicked. She also had an attitude like this one 8 years ago. This girl would talk about getting ready to head off to school, and then something would go wrong everytime she went. There is also some excuse that the teachers were not understanding, she didn't like the classes, online classes are too tough for her. I did also mention the reading things 4 times but it didn't seem to float her boat, and all she did was whine. "Nooo, it's too hard."

You should also know that she spends more time with her friends, and her online fiancee whom she has never met. She also took no interest in the material and never asked me any questions.

I think you are missing the point, Miyah. You are whining and complaining about this person as much as she whines and complains. Do you get it, now?

when people do the same thing they criticize others for what they do themselves that is called being hypocritical and it is usually considered a negative trait.


Merle

Then WHY in the name of all that is good and holy, do you even bother with her? You will enjoy life so much more if you simply limit your contact with people who annoy you.

People are not going to react exactly how you want them to, just because you want them to. If you want that from your friends, I'd suggest hiring actors and giving them a script or tell them to improvise. Honestly, you have to accept people for who they are. Don't you want people to accept you for who you are? How would you feel if people just complained and complained about how you act or think or feel? Wouldn't feel so good would it?

PaganMom