An insecure ex-friend snubbing me

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Recently, I had a falling out with an another Aspie whom I thought was my friend. However, she proved me wrong by leading me around and them lying to me about being her maid of honor. So, long story short, she pulled a stunt and then went and had a justice of the peace. So, we got into a big fight because of her lack of communication and her refusals to apologize.

So, everything was my fault in the fight and it ended up being a crossfire, when I eventually apologized. She then sent me an invite wanting to re-add me to her my space list of friends. However, I decided not to since she would have the tendency to lead me around about things and break promises.

So, I decided to write back after things quieted down and explain as to why I did not add her. I also went on to explain that I felt like she was worried about me outshining her at the alter and the wedding. I also stated that I felt like it was a mean thing to do.

So, she wrote back today and was very rude. She basically told me not to write to her in the future about it again. She also went on to tell me that I was starting to think I was better than everyone else and she was tired of it. Moreover, she also felt like I was the one being snot by pushing her away.

So, I simply wrote back and told her that I was sorry to hear it on my part and that if things went rough for her in the future, to write me.

Did I do the write thing?

No one can always be exactly sure (Well maybe god if you believe in that stuff ). One thing I've learned about life as an aspie. If you honestly feel that you've been hurt, it's okay. If you feel that you needed to express that hurt to your friend than that's okay too. You may not have anyone on your side as to who was right or who was wrong but people act the way they do for a reason and if others can not understand that and refuse to believe you're in the right, well...that's their problem. Not yours.

And if you do feel bad about you did, that's not bad either.

Seeing that you're both aspies, I can see how things can get way out of hand. If she ever calms down and talks to you again, well it's up to you as to whether or not you want to accept. Take the time to move on and stuff.

That is a good point. However, I think she was trying to tell me in so many words that she was not interested by leading my around.

When it came to her wedding, she wanted me to go out and buy a bride's maid's outfit, while she would get a hand-me-down dress because she came up with $300 as a budget for the party. She also wanted us get our hair done and dress up really nice for this wedding and then go back to her house and change into swim suits and use her pool. Moreover, she wanted Chinese food catered food. Meanwhile, have everyone bring a cat for the party.

Does that sound to you that she was trying to make me loose interest on purpose?

Nah, it doesn't sound like she's trying to make you lose interest; she just got carried away with the wedding plans ('Bridezilla'). It happens a lot.

You did push her away first: you refused to re-ad her as a friend. Would you not be a bit hurt if she'd done the same to you?

"I felt like she was worried about me outshining her at the alter and the wedding"

er... I can see why she thinks you think you're better than everyone else.

I think your reply was okay; I'd probably be inclined to add an apology about the previous letter and re-add her as a friend, but it may be too late for that.

She is probably hurt by the rejected friend request.

I don't know about what happened in the past, but I think you ended up doing the right thing in the end.

Thanks for letting me know how you felt. I honestly understand where you are coming from and I respect your opinion. However, she was extremely flaky and said a bunch of things and never did them. For instance, she promised that she would write to me when she was going through basic. She ended up giving me excuses as to why I never got one letter. She also kept blowing me off every time I asked her to do something. Moreover, she was extremely guy crazy and would seem to push me away every time she got a new boyfriend. In fact, it was more important to her to have a guy on her arms than it was to have good friends who cared about her. She had proven that I wasn't very high on her own list when it came to that relationship. Moreover, you couldn't express your feelings to her without going off the deep end and blowing up like a volcano.

She was very insecure and didn't like it that she had AS. So, when she joined the military, she totally denied herself of having it and suddenly saying things like "Oh, I don't have it. People with Asperger's Syndrome won't get in." (Snicker). She started acting like she was better than myself and the others I hung around with.

As for the wedding, she made plans with me back when she was still in Iraq, a month before she flew back to the US. She also said that she had planned a big wedding and that I was her maid of honor. However, she gave me the run around about her plans and didn't tell me until a week before that she was doing a one-on-one Justice of the Peace Wedding. Even then, she lied and said that she was having a party and that I was invited after words.

She does sound a bit strange all right. Does she believe her own lies? When I wrote my previous reply, I was going by the information given in the first post. Seeing your above reply, I think keeping your distance is probably a good tactic (however, there are more diplomatic ways to do so; just being 'busy' more often would have provoked less offense than refusing to re-add her).