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FieryGatoh
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15 Oct 2009, 6:03 am

How can I end this 'friendship', where I am the backup friend for when the other person has no one to talk to?

I've known this person for three years, they've been my 'best' friend. But now she's changed, we've both changed, and I can't do this any more. I don't want to be the backup friend. So many times she has left me out, forgotten about me and made me feel so alone - Yet each time I have just accepted her 'reason' and followed her like a blind sheep.

I don't want to be the understudy for when her other, more important friends aren't there. I don't want to be the one who comes running whenever I am called. I used to think I was strong, but now that I've finally seen the light I know that I'm not - I'm weak for not leaving, and always coming crawling back to her every time.



willa
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15 Oct 2009, 6:19 am

it's a friendship, not a legal binding contract =P.
Just dont return her calls.


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FieryGatoh
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15 Oct 2009, 7:54 am

willa wrote:
it's a friendship, not a legal binding contract =P.
Just dont return her calls.


It really isn't that simple.
School starts in three days, and I'll be forced in the same classroom as her for three lessons, and well as the same area of the playground.

if I could stay away from her then I wouldn't be tempted to go back, but unfortunately not.



Apera
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15 Oct 2009, 9:25 am

You could turn your phone off.

But really, it's up to you to set the precedent. You have to have the will to say "no" when you want. Doesn't have to be "No, I hate you, stop calling me." Could just be "No, I'm doing something with other friends." Be friendly in the classroom, but you are nobody's slave. If it comes down to it, tell her how you feel. If she feels sorry for you, you don't have to make a raw deal. Just know what you want, and say it.


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Aspie1
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15 Oct 2009, 11:32 am

If the friend doesn't flat-out disrespect you, doesn't insult you in public, and hasn't given you a reason not to trust her, I'd still maintain a casual friendship with her. At least be civil to her in class. However, when she calls you, and you know it's a "backup" call, simply tell her you're already doing something else. Do it on a somewhat random basis, just to make it clear that you can't always be relied on to be a backup (without actually saying it). If she stops calling you altogether because of that, then you know she treats you as a backup friend, in which case, be polite to her in class and leave it at that.



Lene
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15 Oct 2009, 12:01 pm

I understand that you feel insulted not to be at the top of her list of friends, but she hasn't technically done anything wrong to you.

If you enjoy her company when she is around, then dropping all contact in order to 'teach her a lesson' would be rather silly and I think you may regret it.

If you feel you are always 'crawling back' to her, then that's a sign that you need to get a few more friends and hobbies going, so that you don't feel that seeing her is a necessity, but rather something that you may do from time to time when you feel like it.



Shebakoby
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15 Oct 2009, 12:39 pm

well heck, is this one of those 'friends' that has the other friends that do not want to associate with you?



Awithliving
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15 Oct 2009, 1:16 pm

Confront her. Tell her that you've had enough. The hard part is getting to the point where you start talking, feelings will help you with the rest.



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22 Oct 2009, 3:46 am

I had to end a friendship with an ex friend, because she admitted me into the emergency ward of my local hospital, for being obsessed with The Kinks. I told my mum about this, and she told me to get that girl out of my life. She was the one who dropped me, before I dropped her, which was a relief for me, because I'm exactly like "The darling unworldly Mick Avory with hands like shovels, who wouldn't dare choose to hurt a soul."


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