Fear of interaction.

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This is difficult for me. I know why, but it doesn't help me fix it. I am afraid of saying or doing something that will push people away. It makes any kind of interaction difficult. It has developed from actual occurrences. When I am talking face to face, I can see when it happens. The conversation will be going along normally, then I say something in response and they give me a disgusted, WTF look and change the subject, as if what I said translated as "Your mom eats poo and so do you"
I used to like chatting online because I could take the time to think about what I was going to say, but the same thing would happen: The conversation would stop and I would suddenly be treated like an outsider. I try to look back at what I said to figure out what was wrong with it, but it seems ordinary.
My fear doesn't seem irrational. Its more like not wanting to drive a car because it tends to overheat. I'm not afraid of other people. I'm afraid of my own actions. I'm tired of pushing people away, but I can only avoid that by not bringing any in.
I hope I have the courage to come back for your responses.

I hope so because you're certainly not the only one in that situation.

Yes, indeed - the look of JUDGEMENT. I know it well. Like you, I don't always grasp what about me or something I said is being evaluated as bad or inappropriate, just that the other party is suddenly acting as though I farted in their space or something.

This almost always happens with people whom I feel confident are a rung or two below me on the intelligence scale, so I attribute it to having inadvertently introduced a gray area into some small-minded 'everything is either black or white' point of view they have.

I only have that much insight because I grew up in a quite fundamentalist Southern Baptist home and I've had plenty of experience interjecting pieces of conversation with family members that don't fit into their pretty "God (The Bible) said it, I believe it, that settles it" picture of the world. They immediately get that 'What kind of twisted freak are you?' look when faced with a concept outside their neatly organized box of delusions.

The upside is, the people who don't ever react that way, though few and far between, are the ones who become very good friends. They get me. If there were too many of those, I'd worry that I was slipping into the mainstream and becoming one of the mindless sheep. And I'd be getting uncomfortable with the size of the crowd.

My answer may not be the most politically correct, but I've done ok at getting around this problem by devaluing the people around me. Just convincing myself that losing the approval of certian people would be no big loss.

Very relate able. Just the other day, I said to a guy I work with, "So, it's your birthday on Saturday."

He replies, with a look of confusion, "It is? How the hell do you know that?"

I reply, "You mentioned it once, a few months ago. Just happened to not forget."


Now he probably thinks I am in love with him or something.

One of the things my dad used to always say to me was, "Just keep your mouth shut."

Yes, I notice things, or remember things that other people tend to over look or forget, to the point of creeping them out.

*hi 5s myself for being my own best friend!*

The biggest problem is how it affects me at work. Its hard to get a promotion when managers avoid you after just one flub. Fortunately, management changes quickly, so I may have a chance in the future. Its just irritating that they give me low evals and can't give me a valid reason. I get compliments from new managers that I'm a dependable and hard worker, but that doesn't follow through to raises and promotions. At least I've been able to keep this job. If someone could just tell me what I'm doing wrong, I'd feel better.

Maybe there's a secret rule: "Don't let the aliens know you suspect them."

I'm thinking it would come across better if instead of saying you "happened to" not forget, say that you happen to have a good memory for those kind of details. And maybe add something like "I tend to forget others don't".

After I posted that about not getting promotions because of this, I've just been moved up to Department Manager. Upper management shifted at the beginning of the month and my new boss gave me the job.

Awesome. Congrats!

Yep, that kind of thing happens to me all the time. The birthday example is a good one, because I remember birthdays. I mean, I don't send a card or anything, but I know people's birthdays. Some lady at my kid's school was telling her preschooler that her birthday is May 26th. If I had bothered to memorize her face (which I didn't), then every time I see her in the future, I'll think, "That lady has the same birthday as Stevie Nicks and Helena Bonham Carter."

I notice things about people which, I have learned*, you aren't supposed to comment on. Like, this one guy whose mouth turns up at the corners just like a Samoyed (those white Husky-looking dogs). Not good to mention that you notice the shape of someone's mouth, especially if it reminds you of a particular dog breed.

*Of course, new situations keep popping up. I pretty much know now that if you comment on someone's appearance, then they'll be creeped out by you, because they probably think you've got a crush on them or something. But it's kind of like it's never okay to notice anything about another person. That's why I always end up talking about myself, because I'm afraid to say anything else. But that creeps people out too.