Isolated Incident?

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I met a guy in a chat room on one of those "how to pick up women" sites 2 years ago and we became online friends very quickly. A little about him...he basically hates his life because he's short, spanish, and thinks because he's short and spanish (not because of his bad attitude and low self-esteem) that he'll never attract a hot white woman. At the time, I had rock-bottom self-esteem, thought I was ugly and wanted to be a guy like Tom Brady or David Duchovny or some hunk celebrity, and basically we complained to each other. I started to improve and change...went out with an attractive girl, and that's when I noticed that him and I were growing apart. Everything became a competition with him. He'd always say "but you haven't banged her yet!"

He's had sex with a few women that he admits he had no attraction to and was just using, and he thinks he can die a happy man since he isn't a virgin. He's never been on an actual date, has no desire to go on a date with a woman, basically wants to either be a manhore or have a "hot girlfriend" to show off to society, not because he wants companionship. When I suggested to him that just because I didn't have sex with her didn't make the complete time a failure, he said "What else is there besides sex?" On top of it, he's 22 and works at a convenience store.

I also along the way stopped caring whatsoever about being a "hunk guy" and just concentrated on being a better version of myself. This bothered him to no end, because he was projecting his feelings about himself onto me and thinking "Why be happy not being someone that all of the woman love?"' He seemed to be mad that I was succeeding on my own terms...being the so-called loser and still being able to talk to women and trying to get a date with another hot woman.

Anyway, at the beginning, I told him a lot of things about me and how bad I was feeling, and when he started arguing with me and getting mad that I was improving and wasn't his whining buddy anymore, he started calling me names and making fun of all the things I told him about me.

I realize I was dealing with an immature boy, not a man. But is this what other people are like when friendships or relationships go bad, or is this just a boy that always was immature, I outgrew him and he's mad that I'm trying to improve and he isn't? It bothers me that when you're at your worst (and there's no guarantee I won't be down there again at some point in my life) everyone besides parents and siblings will use it against you.

You don't have to remind me of the obvious...he's unhappy with himself, and just frustrated beyond belief and lashing out on anyone who doesn't agree with him, but it bothers me in particular when I start to go out in the dating field, since I'm kind of an open book that likes to tell people how I'm really feeling, if I'll run into a woman that one day likes me but when we grow apart, instead of just ending things nicely, will try to take me down with her?

You'd have to resist and stand up for yourself.

Count on it. And after a few relationships like that, you may come back to appreciate your shallow friend's point-of-view a bit. Circle of Life.

No, seriously, expect it. That is real life. If you find an exception, dance and praise Jesus - you've been truly blessed. Before you start your Happy Joy dance, though - pause and reflect on what they say about counting your chickens.

And count on her lawyer too--he's certainly "counting" on you.

In my experience (for whatever that's worth) there are two ways that people end friendships:

1. the person just fades out of your life and is no longer available to talk or visit with you until you get tired of trying and just let them disappear.

2. the person says really nasty, hurtful things until you go away.

You're obviously dealing with number 2. He may not consciously want you to go away, but he is treating you very badly and it's in your best interests to just go away. If he doesn't let you go away, use tactic 1: always be "running short on time" or "just leaving" when he wants to talk. After enough time of not being able to communicate with you he will give up.

Well we're no longer friends or talking again (I don't plan to anyway.) Some examples of things I told him when I was feeling bad...previous suicide attempts, a college incident where girls in my class were harassing me and I went to the dean. And he used these things to make fun of me, like "At least this never happened to me..." I'm just wondering how much I can share with people when I get close with them, and how much of it will come back to haunt me if/when things end.

I can relate because I have a hard time not revealing too much personal information. What I'm working on is not sharing so much until I know someone very well and have given them time to show their "true colors." My advice (for whatever it's worth. Take it or leave it.) is to choose to work on revealing less to people until they become close rather than choosing to stop trusting everyone altogether.

As for what you said sparrowrose...this just makes me more careful about who I choose to get to know on an in depth level, and who I choose to disclose information about my own life about. What I need to learn is the art of making a connection with someone without necessarily getting into every detail about my life. I'm learning that online with old classmates that I'm talking to on facebook...talking about my pursuit of music instead of the bad times since high school, the Asperger diagnosis, or anything like that. Hopefully I can translate that when I make friends or meet women in person and just "be casual" until the person reveals their true colors and you know you can trust them.