Should I ever mention...
This is pretty much me trying to figure out how to handle introducing friends to family (if it ever happens, though I kinda doubt it will). I'm wondering what is the best way to approach introducing friends to family members, and when you do should you warn friends about a family members narrow mindedness? I've noticed that ever since I ever began making friends, they are not the type of people some of my relatives would be OK w/. Though most of my family would be happy if they knew I had any friends b/c I'm a loner.
But I've noticed that many of my relatives (not my bio mom much though) have race/ethnicity related issues (we're all white). I don't care about what they think of me for hanging around people of other groups, but I'm concerned that if I ever let myself become close w/ people who are not like me (it happens all the time, I just never introduce any friends to relatives ever) that exposing them to my extended relatives will put them in a very uncomfortable situation (questioning & being talked about behind their backs all the time).
I had friends who weren't white in HS &/or had mental issues & my g-mom would ask me all kinds of personal questions about them (medical stuff, family stuff, etc.)
. Based on this, and my g-mom saying if I ever marry or am w/ a black guy or Jewish guy (especially jewish) that she'd disown me (I don't care about being disowned, but I wouldn't want to add stress to a friend's life).
Recently (while in college) I became friends w/ a few Jewish students (the biggest extended family taboo I am aware of
I don't get it). My main issue now is that I've been going w/ not describing many friends at all (to avoid awkward questions/I don't like to give away private info ever, even w/ permission). I just cannot decide if I should warn my friends that I get a lot of this anti-jew crap from my g-mom or not? (I don't want to upset them b/c I have no issues w/ it, but I don't want to ever/if I would introduce a friend to family, leave them unprepared either). Part of my confusion is b/c I did tell friends how marrow minded (my g-mom particularly is) & it really seemed to upset them & they basically hated her after I told them (she worked in my HS...awkward questioning for them a lot). Is it best to warn a friend about a possible narrow minded moron, or just pray that when/if you introduce them or just mention them, no cruel disgusting comments are made or rude questions are asked?
p.s. Sorry post is so long (read final sentence only if you want to skip all the fluff) & I didn't know how to ask this w/o sounding really bad...
[i]
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Balance is needed within the universe, can be demonstrated in most/all concepts/things. Black/White, Good/Evil, etc.
All dependent upon your own perspective in your own form of existence, so trust your own gut and live the way YOU want/need to.
If I was in the situation, I'd tell my Jewish friends that I'm perfectly cool with them, but my g-mom unfortunately isn't.
I feel that if I didn't tell them beforehand and they met my g-mom, some friction or discomfort may occur and they'll wonder why I didn't tell them that she doesn't like Jewish people in the first place.
Yeah, you should warn them in advance.
How to warn them might be a bit tricky; it's a very sensitive issue. I would probably say something like;
"listen, I'm really sorry if my grandma says anything whilst you're over; she's kind of still stuck in the Victorian era. None of the rest of us think like this, but please just ignore her comments"
You can't really apologise too much because racism is such an issue. Your friends will also feel more at ease, knowing that you guys support them. Explain to them that you and your family have tried to get her to stop these comments, but it doesn't work.
If your gran does say anything during the meeting, just go "gran..." and roll your eyes. It may not stop her, but it will show your friends that you are on their side.
Afterwards, apologise again if she said anything.
I know this sounds like you are apologising a lot for something that wasn't your fault, but if you want to keep your friends, then you need to make sure you don't hurt their feelings or appear in any way to side with your gran's views. Your friends themselves will know that it is not your fault, so you shouldn't feel any need to go on the defensive.
Good luck.
