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28 Nov 2009, 2:01 am

Tis the season for gatherings among friends and family. I am single and I don't see that changing anytime soon. I don't particularly mind this (I would like a relationship, but my criteria is rather constraining), but I am getting TIRED of people either implying or outright saying that they need to get me a date or companion.

In my current situation, I am required (they call it being invited, but were I to not go, I would be reprimanded) to a work holiday party. The staffing at my work has dwindled, so it was decided this gathering would be staffers and a single companion each. As soon as this was decided, a coworker announced that the others must find someone to accompany me.

Okay, 1. I don't want to be set up. 2. I don't exactly have a high opinion of their abilities to judge a person's character, and 3. I find it unbelievably condescending to imply my life is wanting and I need their help.

Anyone else face similar situations among their friends/family?


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CockneyRebel
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28 Nov 2009, 4:48 am

I faced that situation at the soup kitchen that I volunteer at, last December. I didn't go to the Christmas party, because I didn't have s partner.


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FaithHopeCheese
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28 Nov 2009, 8:43 am

Try not to take it personally because they probably just aren't able to imagine themselves being happy and single. On the other hand, I have a single friend who always seems to push people away, but is extremely lonely.

Anyway, it's not really that weird that they want to set you up. That's what people do. (I hope I'm not pissing you off even further.... lol) :|


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28 Nov 2009, 10:21 am

I have been mocked or picked on more than a few times by my dad and also last year by an uncle or two. Not a very pleasant feeling. No one has tried to set me up with anyone. Not that I would want that, but its very lonely sometimes.



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28 Nov 2009, 10:48 am

Eventually they will stop asking, once they figure you're beyond all hope, in sexual denial or over the hill. But it's not over till it's over. After my father died my mother remarried at age 79 and was quite happy.



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28 Nov 2009, 11:40 am

i have never been mocked for being "single", but some people that were interested in me in the past (who i did not warm to) mock me for having a girlfriend who is 99kg (218 lbs) and who has a low IQ.

there has been gossip among some girls where they think that i am "afraid" of sexually appealing and confident girls because i am socially insufficient to deal with them, and instead it is postulated by them that i choose to "predate" on unassuming "stupid" and "ugly" girls (who are "desperate").

i never go looking for friends or company, so i do not like the label of "predator".

i do not want to play any role in the unfolding drama of a "prima donna" type of girls life, and follow her expected script.

i have my own life and times to experience and see from.
so i do reject pushy girls that lick their lips and are forceful in wanting me to associate with them because they have some maligned internal agenda, and my girlfriend who i love is not like them.

she is not conceited and full of conditionally sculpted expectations.
she accepts anything i can give with appreciation. she is not interesting to any of the studs who strut their stuff at the tavern (where we often eat), but i find her to be very much alive and in a world inviting of my attention.

general men are looking for sexually attractive girls, and they are rude to anyone "lesser" than than the reason they came to the tavern.

they are very cruel to tammy, and i take her in my arms and we go home and she becomes happy rapidly again.
some "sexy"(their image of themselves) girls who wanted to know me are now very disgruntled that ii am devoted to tammies happiness, and they think they are better, and so they start to gossip about me being a "retard trawler".

conceited people mock me for being a deep friend to someone who they think is inferior to them.

i condemn their thoughts.



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28 Nov 2009, 12:28 pm

She sounds like someone you can be completely at home with b9 and that is rare and valuable. Years ago my brother was teasing me about keeping up with childhood friends. He asked me what kind of intellectual satisfaction I could get. I told him I got emotional satisfaction. I think one thing that keeps me out of relationships is I don't want to have to work all the time.



b9
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28 Nov 2009, 12:47 pm

Aimless wrote:
She sounds like someone you can be completely at home with b9 and that is rare and valuable. Years ago my brother was teasing me about keeping up with childhood friends. He asked me what kind of intellectual satisfaction I could get. I told him I got emotional satisfaction. I think one thing that keeps me out of relationships is I don't want to have to work all the time.

i see tammy, and she sleeps overnight with me only about once per week because i am not able to tolerate more than that amount of human company.
she is happy with that amount of interaction, so i guess (educatedly) that i am very lucky to know her.



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28 Nov 2009, 1:50 pm

Why yes. I have heard very similar feelings about this from my sister. It's tireing, forceful, and frustrating. "Don't you want to.." No. "Are you sure?.." YES! "There is this guy I found.. " Not interested.. "Oh what about this one?" NO dammit! ".. but you're lonely looking.." I'm also adgitated, can you guess why? Guess! :cry: :x "ohhhhh. Well, then be by yourself crying to sleep then." ~must resist killing... must resist killing..~

My sister claims to have been getting this 'set up' treatment by women in her local Churches. Some of the men there, most of whome are young, actualy taught lessons for many years saying men had to be married. According to them (not my sister), being single means there must be a problem with you. You're not submitting to becomeing the dependant, house wife female your supposedly supposed to be. If you're male, these people seem to think you don't want to be masculine and that you aren't responcible. "Guy doesn't marry. he wants to be a whimp"/"Girl doesn't marry, she wants to be a rough, controling, over oppinionated person." :x This is the kind of rubbish they seem to send across. Really, who doesn't that piss off?

I for one, am glad that my AS stepped in enough that these "set up" women spared me of their work. They think I'm too wierd, quiet, or 'pitiful'.

To put it bluntly, I think with people like this, they are the ones who 'need help'. XD "We have to get married or else we are not God's children." :? Who are they are they really trying to impress anyway? I don't see the reward from forceing it.

Yay for divorce?! :shrug:



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28 Nov 2009, 2:33 pm

And those people in the church weren't aware that Jesus himself was single? Was there "something wrong" with him too??



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28 Nov 2009, 3:27 pm

Its amzing that people that dont know anything about you think they can hook you up with someone


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28 Nov 2009, 3:44 pm

Eggman wrote:
Its amzing that people that dont know anything about you think they can hook you up with someone


this thread started me thinking about this song.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odWWQswh5wY[/youtube]



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28 Nov 2009, 4:46 pm

b9 wrote:
i have never been mocked for being "single", but some people that were interested in me in the past (who i did not warm to) mock me for having a girlfriend who is 99kg (218 lbs) and who has a low IQ.

there has been gossip among some girls where they think that i am "afraid" of sexually appealing and confident girls because i am socially insufficient to deal with them, and instead it is postulated by them that i choose to "predate" on unassuming "stupid" and "ugly" girls (who are "desperate").

i never go looking for friends or company, so i do not like the label of "predator".

i do not want to play any role in the unfolding drama of a "prima donna" type of girls life, and follow her expected script.

i have my own life and times to experience and see from.
so i do reject pushy girls that lick their lips and are forceful in wanting me to associate with them because they have some maligned internal agenda, and my girlfriend who i love is not like them.

she is not conceited and full of conditionally sculpted expectations.
she accepts anything i can give with appreciation. she is not interesting to any of the studs who strut their stuff at the tavern (where we often eat), but i find her to be very much alive and in a world inviting of my attention.

general men are looking for sexually attractive girls, and they are rude to anyone "lesser" than than the reason they came to the tavern.

they are very cruel to tammy, and i take her in my arms and we go home and she becomes happy rapidly again.
some "sexy"(their image of themselves) girls who wanted to know me are now very disgruntled that ii am devoted to tammies happiness, and they think they are better, and so they start to gossip about me being a "retard trawler".

conceited people mock me for being a deep friend to someone who they think is inferior to them.

i condemn their thoughts.


Wow! That is some ugly and vicious behaviour from them. I condemn their thoughts too although they are on the other side of the planet from me and I only know of their existence from your post. But I've seen it many times before over here. It's the entitlement attitude of the good-looking people. They figure that since God/evolution gave them a gorgeous face and body, they deserve to get everything else they want too. They also assume that this gorgeous face and body means that everybody else wants them. (I'm keeping it gender neutral because handsome men do this too.) They get what they want and the "lesser" people can go scrambling for the crumbs they choose to discard.

Clearly they want you. In the absence of photographic evidence I will assume that you are handsome because they would leave you alone if you were not. They also wouldn't begrudge Tammy the attention she gets from you because they look with what they consider benevolence on "ugly couples". As long as no "ugly" person has what they want, they are fine with it. But god forbid somebody they deem inferior is treated with love and respect by somebody they consider their beauty equal (that would be you).

This post possibly doesn't make any sense to you. That's ok. It doesn't have to. I'm just venting, really, because I've seen this phenomenon so many times. And now that I have a daughter who has some things in common with Tammy I despair that there are too many people in the world like them and not enough like you and therefore perhaps nobody for her.



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28 Nov 2009, 6:52 pm

It might partly be their attempts to "figure you out."

Do you know anybody you could bring along with you, so that you have an excuse not to get set up?
Maybe somebody who would help with an excuse to leave the party early?



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29 Nov 2009, 12:15 am

Maggiedoll wrote:
It might partly be their attempts to "figure you out."

Do you know anybody you could bring along with you, so that you have an excuse not to get set up?
Maybe somebody who would help with an excuse to leave the party early?


Unfortunately, were I to bring a male guest, that would just "add fuel to the fire" and I would be forever tormented, questioned and probed about that person (for example, while at a work event, I received a call from someone. I had them in my phonebook by their last name which is masculine sounding. The person is a female, but a coworker saw the name on my caller id and they are convinced I am hiding some relationship because I wouldn't talk to them about this person).

All of that is moot really, because I hardly associate with people outside my family and so I have no male friends. I usually end up taking my sister to events that require a guest, though again, I am tired of the looks of pity for not being paired off.


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29 Nov 2009, 6:26 am

I'm quite happy alone, and I don't need a man.


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