I do not understand people - again. :(

Post Reply New Topic

FIRST _ to all of those who helped me with my relationship issue, thanks!! ! I am in a much better place now. But a new social question for you …I recently befriended a woman who is a member of what Kurt Vonnegut would call a grandfaloon. A group that exists only in the loosest terms and only for the glorification of it’s members or as a means of making it’s members seem important.

This lady belongs to several of them. Sadly one of them seems to allow her to fill in as a surrogate mother for many other people. She is a nurturer type, but again sadly, she is also inherently shallow as is proven the instant one of her “Children” suffers from an actual crisis.

I was one of her children. I trusted her, told her secrets, and finally had a genuine crisis. She responded by withdrawing. No phone calls, no emails and she unfriended me on Facebook.

Now I am authentic at least and I cannot stomach hypocrisy of any kind. This is one of my primary faults. If I were a better person I would simply say “many paths up the mountain”, laugh and move on.

Instead I feel hurt. Deeply. And I feel betrayed. And I do not know how to deal with this situation, especially as this woman is powerful in the circles of my chosen profession and could do me a good deal of hurt if she chooses to do so.

Thoughts?

I am going to go with confronting her, even though that is personally very difficult for me, because I think it could help you both. At least tell her how all of this made you feel. Then she knows and you can walk away unburdened with the unsaid.

I voted "Break off the relationship - just walk away". Though I'm curious about that "kill her in my next book" option.

My thinking is, all too often, confronting someone doesn't really do any good. And I guess I'm thinking this is one of those times. Though, really, it's a judgment call that I don't have enough information to make.

Confronting her would serve no purpose.
You won't get any emotional satisfaction and, as you said, she could do you harm.
Just walk away, and run to WP to vent.

If she's a hypocrite then you can't really trust her, so I think you should just walk away... and kill her off in your next book.

ppl like that are venomous. Always be wary of the "grandfaloon" club lady...they are like black widows. Although her infuence my be important to win, her toxicity should be advoided. If I were in that situation of both needing her influence and mending a wound by her, I would let the dust settle between you and bring her some cookies some day to show "no hard feelings" in order to prevent her from majorly stabbing you in the back. Dealing with these types is a dance that even socail NT's have a hard time mastering. What I am saying may seem like being a hiprocrit, but it is really damage control. There is a saying, "keep your friends close and your enemies closer" You need to befriend her again, but only on a superfical level in order to keep her from damaging your career/education...etc.

I am sorry this happened to you...it is not fair when innocents like you get caught in these people's webs, but you have to play along to keep from getting eaten. Whatever you do, dont confront her on this or get an attitude with her because you will only make things alot worse for yourself. You dont have the influencial power to challange her and she could do alot more damage to you than you could do to her. She probably fished you for your secrets to hold them over your head if she thought that you may be a threat to her.

I know how ppl like this are...I have danced with a few myself. And it is just not fair that anyone should have to but that is the reality of these situations.

I was wrong and y'all are right. I didn't fully consider the power structure in play. Confronting her would be a mistake. I'm for killing her off in your book.