hugging

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I have never hugged anyone, ever. My father was never around. my mother, for some reason, raised me like a warden raises a hostler (except that I didn't have to pay). So nobody ever hugged me.
Among the infinite number of things I struggle with, this is not a very significant problem. But the other day, me and my cousin visited some family. When we were leaving, he hugged them and said good bye and stuff.
I panicked. I had no clue about what to do. I just stood trying to act like I did not notice what happened. At that moment I was wondering about things like wouldn't it be weird if I walk towards them a little too fast. I could n't have walked too slow. That would be weird too. And how do we know for sure that as you walk toward someone, the other person also wants to give a hug?

I think it will be nice to get a hug. I have a few friends but none so close that they would think of giving me a hug. I never had a girl friend or anything (how surprising!! !). So did not get a chance to ask her.

I was wondering if anyone has had similar experiences and if someone could tell me something that might help.

-thanks for reading my post

They say that it is really important for babies to be held and hugged, so don't feel odd that you are uncomfortable with it. I am not a big hugger and in high school I didn't understand why everybody was hugging each other, but now I am not that afraid of it. Some people just teach their children to hug people when they say good bye. I think you just have to practice. If you feel uncomfortable just let them reach for you first and give them a little hug if they do. I also used to get people saying that I give half hugs, but you know what, if you're around them enough they get over it. I especially hate hugging men that I am kind of attracted to, which is MOST of them.... but that's a whole other battle... You're not weird, you just haven't had any practice.

I don't have that problem.

I didn't have absolutely no physical affection as a child, but I didn't have a lot either. My mother told me my father did not feel comfortable being physically affectionate with my sister and I after we were older than toddler age. I can do the brief stiff hello/goodbye hug but not more. The difference is with my son. I was determined that he wouldn't be raised the same way. We ask each other for hugs frequently. His father, for all his faults, was physically affectionate and I was surprised to discover how much I craved it. He completely destroyed any possibility of any emotional trust between us so I couldn't hug him now if I tried. I haven't seen him in almost 9 years so it doesn't matter.

This reminds me of two faux pas I have made - Once I was at a restaurant and the waiter reached down to grab my plate, but for some reason I thought he was trying to shake my hand, so I offered it up. It was embarrassing, but making a little mistake is no reason to beat yourself up. Another time my uncle was trying to shut a door that had opened behind me without me noticing, but when I realized what he was doing I said, "Oh, I thought you were going for a hug" and then he felt bad so I got a courtesy hug, which made me feel stupid.

I hardly ever hug anyone, I wish I could do it more often.

I used to feel uncomfortable about being hugged (and any other physicle contact). Then when I went to college and I met a friend called Daniela we got along very well. She is Portuguese and I think the Portuguese culture is very high sensory (meaning they do alot of hugging and close contact). She was telling me about how the Portuguese culture is quite high sensory.We were haning out at college then we had to depart she then came up to me and hugged me and said good bye. I was pretty stiff the best way to discrive it was it was like the time in the big bang theory when Sheldon gave Penny a hug. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyQz8jWAl7s) .She sometimes poked me(in a firendly way) and i used to jump out of my skin however .She carryd on hugging me ect. and i got desensitized and I quite enjoy it now . I really like the relationship that me and Daniela have.

@curtis, you are very lucky

You certainly are Curtis, I've not had alot to do with hugging because I, too, felt uneasy about all that; not that I received many from family, the girl who led me to this forum has been the only one to hug me in a sincere manner(the most recent, the two others who've moved to hug me and done so I've not seen in a long long while) but we're not involved in any way as she didn't want things that far which was disappointing but I'm fine with it.

I actually told myself that I would make an effort to understand the whole hugging thing sometime in the end of high school. Simply put, I started to think... why is it exactly I don't care for physical contact... and found absolutely no logical reasons.

Looking back, that was a very wise decision.

This thread reminds me of something really nice that happened in late winter of 2009. I was at a Jewish cultural retreat at hotel, where surprisingly, I got along very well with almost everyone there. After the official activities were done, people organized their own parties where everyone was invited. A lot of dancing took place, which I joined in. One girl even complimented me on my skills (I used a mix of swing and freestyle) after I danced with her. I was kind of surprised that the hotel employees didn't complain about large numbers of people making noise in rooms, but since it was winter, the hotel had almost no one other than the group I was with (it's mostly three-season, with only the bare minimum operating in winter).

Anyway, after everyone was too exhausted to continue partying, people were hugging each other as they said good night. I was a part of it too. I was pleasantly surprised that the girls who hugged me didn't just give me those courtesy hugs, but actually pressed into me a little. (I know enough about NT hug protocols to let go quickly). Same thing happened at the end of next night, and again as all participants were about to head home. It was almost a hug therapy weekend, rather than a Jewish cultural weekend. Anyway, it all felt really nice, and elevated my mood for a whole week afterwards.

Basically when someone you know well walkes towards you with their arms spread out they want to give you a hug.

I don't like to hug.

hmmm...

I grew up with hugs and I always pushed them away or struggled to beak free or my body was just stiff. Other times I would want one when I want to keep warm or want love. But I didn't want them if I didn't want them.



I can tell if someone wants a hug if they hold their arms out. I did that once with my husband and it surprised him because he was doing something else and I thought he was holding out his arms as he walked towards me. I felt stupid and embarrassed.

I love being hugged, and giving hugs.

Me too, Tim.

If anything, I'm overly affectionate.