Why do women avoid eye contact with me?

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It's either fear or dislike, but everywhere I go where people get to know my face, be it the workplace, the gym, or the classroom, there's always one girl who acts afraid or extremely aversive. I've experienced this from the age of 18, and I'm now 28. There are always people who like me, and have no problem, but there's always that one chick who's just... afraid to look at me, and will be nice to everyone BUT me. It used to hurt like crazy, but now it's just annoying.

My friends say it's my face- I look like a "mean hispanic," <----(NOT DISSING LATINOS!! !) and I always have facial hair, even if it's only stubble. But otherwise, I'm a pretty nice guy. I've been told I look angry a lot, but is that enough? I'm also shy and quiet...

Any thoughts?

(PS, this is why I think women are less tolerant of different/weird than men.)

I am a woman and have had the same experience, people have said I have a mean look (and a poker face) since i reached maturity there is always one person in any group that has a strong aversion to me , I used to get bent about it but i just have to accept it as a given and not obsess over these people, tune it out.

i can't say i don't have a similar problem. (that assumption is that i'm always angry... or spacy...or...) have you thought of the way you make eye contact? i know that sometimes i avoid eye contact, or--on the other hand, can maintain eye contact for too long ("staring.")

also--it's not possible to have everyone like you. it's okay if someone doesn't. (imo.)

Thanks for responding. Yeah, I used to get obsessed, but it's happened so much I've given up on figuring it out. Worse thing you can do is worry- no, wait, worse thing you can do is patronize them, then it really gets weird.

So i'm your first post? Cool!

I avoid eye contact with people who seem to want eye contact. I don't care what people 'look like' but I do care where they're looking. Luckily my colleagues at work are pretty aspie positive, and I can literally say "why are trying to hug me... want to make me feel uncomfortable or something" or "this job doesn't pay me enough to also have to make eye contact you know!"

[[But seriously, how do you know that the eye contact issue has to do about you and what you look like, and not related to your meta-awareness of making eye contact. There's a massive difference between SEEING someone and LOOKING at someone, and someone looking at me is being confrontational, where as someone seeing me, merely has me in their field of view. Perhaps the act is disruptive, rather than the person? ]] <-- this probably isn't important, but I typed it anyway...

I've got a false reputation for being perky, cheerful and enthusiastic, but ya, there are always 1-2 people who seem to be put off by me, because i don't meet their expectations for some reason. Two of them are directly senior to me, and one is my boss. Can't be helped, but you may ask around... this person may act strange to others too.

I've seen that look with acquaintances and I think it's fear... that's why I don't try to make 'friends' out of my acquaintances. I haven't made any friends as an adult. If a person (me) has to force themself to make eye contact, it's never going to come across natural and people are going to wonder.....

Firstly; I've always noticed a disparity regarding eye contact - some folks seem to avoid me and there are others that I seem to naturally avoid. Occasionally, this has been like a survival instinct as it seems to keep me away from cults & them away from me.

Second; one characteristic that we seem to have in common that makes us not like "The Others" - among them there are a certain number who seem to be more "sensitive" to other people's emotions. Sometimes they get silly names like "psychic" but there are gradients & degrees of sensitivity and some of them don't even realize they are more sensitive. By definition, folk with various degrees of autism usually fall on the less sensitive end of the scale.

Such people don't seem to like me much. Some have described me as "cold" or "flat" - refering to the fact that I'm not as hyper-emotional as they are & they have come to expect of the rest of the human race. Some just say I'm "too analytical" or "scientific & skeptical" and I have been asked not to come around any more in certain places where I have attempted to practice my clumsy social skills.

I like this thing I have heard on the radio = a man says "You kids watch out for the creeps out there."
and a teenage girls answers "We ARE the 'creeps', mister!"

If you've noticed the disparity with only one person it might only be that it's HER problem, not yours. Maybe there's something about HER personal history that makes her scared of people, & she is only comfortable folks that give her a "warm & fuzzy" feeling.

They might feel intimidated by you.
Also, presuming that you're heterosexual, could it be possible that males do this as well, but that you aren't noticing it because you pay less attention to their reactions to you?

I have this problem everywhere I go. usually all the boys love me, then there are girls who either like me or think I'm kinda strange...then there's always that one girl who thinks I'm a freak weirdo and hates me for no reason at all. But I guess hating me because she thinks im weird is just as good of a reason as any.
There's a girl in my class right now who calls me creepy and the stuff I do creepy, but then there are other girls who like me. The girls that think I'm weird are stuck up, and that has been said by other people as well. They never give me rides home when I live over 8 miles away from the school and make up lies. they ignore my facebook and text messages. Getting off topic hahaha, but there is that main one out of that group who I just can't put my finger on why she doesn't like me, and it bothers me, and I dont try to not let it bother me because I know in 5 months I'll never see her again.

So to the OP. You do care about what these girls think, or else u wouldn't be posting it. The best thing is to tell yourself the truth "It bothers me that these girls are afraid of me".
And leave it there.
This is the reason why I think these few girls never gimme a ride home, because they fear me in one way or another. Although the guys always give me rides home in the class.
One guy even says "I'm not gonna let u walk home" and he tried to convince one of the stuck up girls to give me a ride, but they didnt. They act like they have something to do.
The girls who aren't stuck up don't have cars, but have their licenses.
And one of the other guys who gives me a ride nearly everyday tells me that he knows how it feels to be in my position. He also tells me to not worry about those stupid girls who dont give me a ride. (He knows I have asperger's)

I am African American, 18 years old, and have had facial hair and body hair since I was 13. I know how it feels for people to fear me. I live in a predominantly white community anyhow. My aspie behavior doesnt fit the black stereotype so they fear me more, but the black stereotype also fears people. So people are dumb.
I know how it feels to have that one girl who dislikes u for no reason at all, besides the fact u are u. And dont bother to try to explain asperger's to them, it's obvious that they are too stupid and ditsy to understand. I've tried on two of these girls and they still act as if I'm a creep, so I gave up.



It's okay

Sorry, but it often is enough, unless you prove to them otherwise. sorta like Mr. Darcy!
don't assume it's because of a weirdness intolerance. i mean, i'm sure many women's reasons lie in that. but often, they really are just unsure. since you might look angry, and act a bit distant, they would be afraid that they are intruding by talking to you. they might be more willing if they knew you were a nice guy, and if you tried to look a bit nicer.
dont worry, i'm a chick, but i sort of give of the same impression. guys dont really pay me much attention, and ive noticed sometimes they even seem a bit unsure. :/

Thanks for all your responses all. It's good to know others have experienced similar things. I still wonder why some of them do it sometimes though, and if I could change something in my behavior to remedy it.

In one particular case, I can't tell if she genuinely dislikes me, or just keeps her back to me because I refuse to give her any more attention, and it's a rude cycle.

Also: Here's something- why is it with rejection, when you return the favor, the person who shunned you in the first place gets nasty and defensive. They don't like you anyway!

Also: Here's something- why is it with rejection, when you return the favor, the person who shunned you in the first place gets nasty and defensive. They don't like you anyway! [/quote]

Because they actually like you