My friend is always lonely...

Post Reply New Topic

K so I mentioned before this other aspie friend I have at school. And after some time now, I'be learned more about his rather dark past. He constantly makes these morbid drawings of himself in a self-demeaning manner. And recently he posted up this drawing that showed himself amongst a mist of some of the most awful things people have said to him that made him the way he is now. Many of which had to do with his loneliness.
And in school he occasionally mentions some parts of his past, such as a few days ago when he said how he used to get beaten up by other people. And how alone he realizes he really is in the world. For example, today he told me how he hates seeing other people happy when he's by himself. But then he goes on to say that he doesn't mind being alone...
And I don't quite understand, because he has friends, like more than I do at this school, yet he's lonely. And I must admit, because of the ET and Elliot thing, I hate knowing how he's alone.
Honestly I can relate, but I've never been treated as brutally, but I have been lonely.
This is, how do you NOT be lonely? Like even though you have many friends who are all very accepting, well usually, you still feel lonely. Why is that? I mean I thought that's what not being lonely was.

I'm not sure if I'm understanding this correctly but I do know that a person can feel alone in a crowd sometimes and perhaps because of the bad things that have happened to your friend he gets this feeling more often. It could also be harder for him to accept that others accept him because of previous rejection. I don't have a solution for his aloneness but listening to and talking with him will probably help him a bit.

Just give him a hug every so often. Trust me, it does wonders for lonely people.

Depends on how you define friends. It may be that he just doesn't feel comfortable enough with them to really be himself, and they are therefore more like familiar acquaintances to him. If he doesn't feel that there is anybody with whom he can go full-blown Aspie, that would make him feel that he is still alone. Can he relax and be himself that way with you? It sounds as if he is still loosening up with you over time.

I also think the bad past will take a lot of overcoming over a long time. Things like that can scar you for life. He may even be dealing with PTSD, and/or depression, even if it isn't diagnosed. I was never actually beaten up as a kid, but I endured some very traumatic harassment and ostracism. Even now, as a grandparent, I still flash back to those occasionally in new social situations. The difference is, now I know more about people and the probability that what I am experiencing is none of what happened in the past. I still have to fake it, though, so it can still be lonely sometimes. My innate social skills have not changed, but I have learned a huge repertoire of appropriate social responses and behaviors over the years, but there are very few people I can drop the act with.



This may or may not be true. I was never much of a hugger, and I'm pretty sure I would have found it either condescending or annoying, even though I would have been aware it was meant well.

Actually, he acts as himself around people. Some of the obvious stuff people notice about him is that he talks A LOT and is often arrogant or rude, so not many people like him. However, it's because they don't know him very well and don't know his past or why he acts the way he does. And I do know his past and ever since Ive met him I know why, so he acts just like his usual self around me, only a lot nicer lol, as with all his *true* friends.
Also, I do occasionally give him hugs, well actually he hugs me. Since I'm not much of a hugger, and earlier in the school year he told me how he doesn't like it in general when people touch him. Surprising? No. Confusing? Hell yeah. So ever since then I have always wondered why he doesn't mind hugging me or other people.

I am in school and have accepting friends, but I always feel lonely. They are good people, but I have trouble accepting the fact that they accept me because I have been rejected all my life by people. I don't have one friend who is really that close that I talk about my feelings with. Well there is this one guy. He buys me cheeseburgers and drives me home because he knows that my life is really hard because I have asperger's, the racism that students and teachers show to me, and how I dont have my license and live 8 miles away. We also get loads of homework because we are in the IB program. So he helps me not feel so stressed out. But he often ignores my text messages. Therefore I feel very lonely. It's not fun. I broke my cell phone because my mom made me mad, but Im glad its broken because no one is ignoring my text messages anymore, although I still feel lonely.

Does he ALWAYS ignore them or just sometimes or most of the time.
Cuz well at least you have someone who's looking out for you.