dealing with arguments/being annoyed?

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I really dont like haveing arguments with people and it makes me very distressed (but I still do have lots of arguments )

I find it very hard not to say my opinion, and I find I dispise and feel cross if people think differently to me.

I tend to cope with this by avoiding people who annoy me or make me cross, however this does not work well as there are some people who I have to see who annoy me such as my social worker, it also means that I am very isolated as all people annoy at some point.

anyone got any healthy solutions for dealing with dissagreements, annoyance, and arguments?

i cant deal with that at all. i totally lose my temper so bad when someone annoys me

Heard of the "disarming technique"? It works with my cousin, my friends, my parents, and customers. It's from the book Feeling Good by Dr. Burns

First you admit to whatever tiny bit of truth the other person is saying.
Then you ask more questions about it to clarify.

Here is an example:

Person: "Boston_MA you are piece of junk."
Me: "What about me is junky?"
Person: "You dress like a loser."
Me: "My pants have been used for years and have some holes in them. What else YOU THINK is junky about me?"
Persom: "Well, I don't know it just seems like that."
Me: "So what if a person's pants have a hole in them, why would it be particularly upsetting?"

I find it easy to stay calm and keep my emotions in check during arguments, and I think that can help your credibility a lot when making a point. And a good dose of apathy in general probably keeps me out of arguments in the first place.

Despite being a fairly opinionated person, I can't say I relate to the need to voice every disagreement I have with people. I accepted a long time ago that most people think differently to me (or rarely think at all), and more hostile arguments rarely have any sort of benefit even if you win, so it's just a question of asking myself what I can gain from opening my mouth. Plus, reading all the petty arguments people can get into on message boards over the years has really driven home the fact that most arguments never achieve anything.

thanks for your replys

My main problem is with my ex boyfriend, Ive tried to remain friends with him, but everytime I speak to him it seems everything he says makes me really cross and annoyed. I thought I should find some better way to resolve disagreements but I now think its probably best if I refuse to speak to him.

I just respect peoples opinions and their point of views. I know their point of views can be flawed but I just say my point of view and I'm done. They can choose to be stupid by not listening.

I find endless arguments to be annoying as well and you can't force people to believe what I believe and it's rude to try and get people to change their views or opinions.

But sometimes when I speak to someone, everything seems to turn into an argument. I have rare moments like that. There are a few people in life I cannot get along with, my dad's cousin and someone online.

I notice I argue a lot but I can't help it but people don't turn them into arguments. They shut up and I also respect their opinions is why. I know the difference between facts and opinions. Facts I will argue about and I will just tell them to look it up because I am not going to keep arguing over something they are wrong about. It aggravates me.

I have been told I like to argue and I am good at it. Well I get my points across. I sometimes do love to argue. Nothing wrong with saying your opinions and point of views. I am not doing it to get someone to change their minds and I am not arguing it death.

If a topic pisses me off because I have a very strong opinion about something and someone else has a different opinion about it and I don't agree with it, I drop the topic. I don't like to be mad. I try avoid discussing topics with people when I have a very strong opinion about something. If they have the same opinion as I do, then I am okay. Same as if they know nothing about it, I am okay because they don't have a different point of view then do they?
I sometimes keep my mouth shut too when someone says they do something and I have a very strong opinion against it.

I recommend you pick up the book "Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when stakes are high" by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler. It's on Amazon for about ten bucks. The book is packed full of information on how to deal with arguments and conflicts, and its written in a very engaging, accessible style. It's helped me a lot.

thank you very much I will get that, hopefully it will help
(the amazon link for anyone else who wants it is
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Crucial-Convers ... 819&sr=8-1
I also got this one too
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hate-Conflict-R ... 19&sr=8-11 )

Im very weak willed and am still phoneing my ex and being cross with him, its progressed to even arguing with text and email

I say it makes me to stressed to talk to him and we cant get along, but he says we should work at it and doesnt want me to break off contact. he guilt trips me till I ring him and then makes me cross

I dont know what to do!

The interesting thing is that you know what he is doing, i.e. guilt tripping you. Logically, someone who does that is not someone with your interests in mind, and doesn't bode well for any continuation of a future with that individual. Can you use that knowledge to resist, knowing that you've "proved" that it's a loser of a relationship, and not to waste any more time on it?

Or is there another underlying reason that you allow yourself to be re-persuaded by him, like deep underneath you think you owe him, or you think he's better than nothing, etc? Just trying to imagine other reasons, and not saying that these are the reasons.

I feel guilty for breaking his heart and dont want to hurt him so am easily manipulated into doing what he wants, but it is worse on him in the long run as it is cruel to keep finishing with him then getting back with him and will hurt him more than if I can just finish with him and stick to it. He is someone who is not very direct and tends to automatically do guilt trips and passive aggressive behaviour. For my part I am very assertive and direct which makes him feel threatend as he is not comfortable with such open expressions of feeling/wants. It is a bad combination.

I am a very anti social person and very much only like my own company, I find it very hard to be around others and Im not tollerant at all of others having different opinions or saying things that I think are silly things to say.

I thought if I tried hard enough i could make a relationship work, as I really wanted to, as we were such good friends and had so much in common and the same values, but I am too inadequate and lacking and grumpy and intollerant to be able to do it.

I think I am best suited to a life alone, meeting up with friends occasionally is enough social contact for me. I dont think there will ever be enough 'giveingness' in me to tollerate being round a partner or being loving toward them, there is just not enough of me.

I love him very much and dont want to hurt him, but it just makes me too stressed to be around him or talk to him and he annoys me a lot, but I dont want to hurt him.

You will probably meet him on the 19th Jan meet up and you will see how no one would want to hurt him and how sweet and loveable he is, its very hard