What's a good way to start a conversation?

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So far at school I haven't spoken much except when spoken to. My intention was to pass for normal by talking occasionally while minimising my chances of making social mistakes. But apparently that isn't enough. People have approached me and asked me why I am so shy, which is strange because I don't see myself as a shy person. So I reckon it's time to take a more active approach and initiate some conversations myself.

The only problem is that I haven't got a clue how it's done. How do I choose which person to approach? When do I approach them? How do I get them talking, as opposed to scaring them off? I tried to find answers to these questions by observing how the other people interact, but without much success. When there are so many people talking at once it's hard to pick out individual sentences.

I know there aren't any perfect answers to this sort of thing and it's probably something that most of us on WP struggle with, but does anyone have any tips? What strategies have people found most reliable?

Ambush them from the back of a chair and go "WELL HELLLOOOO THEEREE ISNT IT A NICE DAY TODAY".

Nah not really.

Just say hi how are you I guess, or if you don't know them ask what their name is. Summat like that . And think of everday subjects to talk about so you can get to know the

Join to people through events. Something is always happening. People don't just stand around in a vacuum.

For instance, if you're in the school kitchen and someone next to you is trying to put a lid on their drink... if the person is visibly frustrated you could say "Yeah these are a real b***h to put on". If they're not frustrated you could say "Good luck" and smile, which may or may not result in a conversation.

Both of those will result in a short exchange at best, but its something. It's practice.

Even better than just practice - its a connection.

Sometimes if its your first interaction with a particular individual, just those few words can be enough for that day. If you've said "Nice weather, huh?" and they've replied "Yeah, kinda humid" - you now 'sort of' know them. Even if you don't know their name, you have briefly at least, connected - and that can make it a little easier the next time you run into them, to maintain an extra second of eye contact, say "Hi" again and who knows, if the moment is right, actually fumble your way into a conversation. Baby steps. If you're overwhelmed at the idea of just walking up and divulging your life story that's probably wise. Only a few times in your life will you meet someone you click with that well right off the bat. Most people will think you're a nut, or at least a pest if you come on too strong too soon.

Establish the 'Hi' stage first. After you've made short small talk once or twice, then worry about actual conversation, and try always to start with questions about the other person (just not too personal). All people enjoy talking about themselves, and the more they talk about what they're into, the less pressure is on you to think on your feet, and the more information you'll have to determine whether you really want to get to know this person any better.

Thanks for the helpful advice, everyone.

Having thought about this, I've spotted what could be a decent opportunity to get to know someone in my physics class, whom I sit next to. She often struggles and frequently comes near the bottom of the class, whereas I find physics easy. She seems like a friendly person. Maybe I could try helping her when she gets stuck on her work in order to start talking and give a good first impression by being helpful. Then perhaps I could ask a question or two, like "what are your hobbies?" or something. What do people think of this?

Depends on the context. For instance, at a bus stop, I smile and ask "Have you been waiting long"?

Very negative response: If they look away, answer reluctantly, and turn their bodies away, then they really don't want to talk.

Very positive response: If they answer politely, and add something like a comment on the weather, then it means they're happy to talk.

Intermediate response: They answer politely, but don't add anything. If I want to try to converse, I might add something about the weather, or ask them where they're going, or comment on something nice they're wearing if they're female.

This conversation has taken a BAD turn, and the creep has the wrong idea about me : Male who has been eavesdropping on the conversation and approaches me with "Where are you from", followed by "Are you married"? Appropriate response is DITCH, DITCH, DITCH, ABORT, ABORT!

Do you live in the UK? If you do, then the weather is always a good topic to discuss. It seems to be the only one here in the UK that people can use to start a conversation...

Yes, I live in London.

I've given it some thought, as I don't come from the UK, but have lived here for over a quarter of a century. I don't think it's actually an eccentricity of the peoples, just a quirk of the weather. It's just so unpredictable, that not even the natives born and bred for generations can really predict it with any real accuracy. You can have beautiful warm sunny summery weather, only to suddenly be beset by frost. And the worst of it, maybe it's just the aspie in me not liking changeability, it takes a while for me to figure out what "mode" I need to be it - i.e. thermal blankets at the windows and me looking like a round ball (polo necks and three layers of clothing and big boots to insulate me) or summer shorts and camisole and slippers so as not to overheat.

Do you live in the UK?

Actually, while we're on the subject, what is the weather subject equivalent in other countries?

scream "BANG!!" unexpectedly and then tell the startled new listeners what you want to announce.

Thanks for the useful information. I'll try to look out for the signs you listed.

Indeed I do. I'll bear that in mind. Thanks.

Comment on something they are wearing. This is much easier, if the are wearing a band shirt, of a band you like. You could say nice shirt, have you seen the band on tour? I've seen them xx amount of times, or I haven't seen them but really want to.

I think that's a very good idea. She will definitely appreciate your help.

Complimenting people also works in my opinion. Although obviously it has to be sincere Also a simple "good morning" or "hi" to someone you recognise from class is a start. That would make you more approachable in people's eyes and make starting conversations later on much easier.

always nice to read your posts willard,