What did I do wrong here?

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I have semantic pragmantic language disorder which is kinda on the autisim spectrum I think? Anyway I think without meaning to do it on purpouse I might have got this girl ticked off when I met her for the first time. Okay one of my brothers friends introduced me to this girl for the first time since the girl is also one of my brothers friends. At first she came in to my house very happy and jolly and said "Hi to me" i then responded to her "Are you my brothers friend" she then said "What?" and started frowning and looked confused.

What did I do exactley to maker her confused and respond to me in that way? IS IT A SOCIAL CUE KINDA THING!! !

I dont think you did anything wrong. I believe that the frowning meant "no" however im not exactly an expert on body linguistics so im not sure. ...She should have used words that would have been a lot better.

She is my brothers friend. It may not have been a frowning look per say it was probably more of a 'shifty' kind of look. A look of distrust basicly.

She frowned because she was confused. Either you didn't give the reaction she was expecting, or she thought you had forgotten who she was.

Regards,

Patricia

Well do you think that was not the right thing to say to her?

I would say it is a little off-putting. If she already met you she probably figured you knew her, and she also had established a relationship (friendship, acquaintanceship) with you also. Now, she's being re-classified back as your "brother's friend" again. Just a guess, not a lot of information here. Maybe it felt to her like there was no familiarity and building familiarity is part of becoming friends.

Its probably just not knowing the right thing to say in that social situation.

Either you'd already met and she was upset you forgot, or you jumped the gun with the question and it threw her off guard. I thin k normally you'd at least say "Hi, I'm xxxx" let her say her name and then ask if you were a friend of your brother's. Jumping right into it might have sounded curt, as if her getting a "Hi" depended on it.

I would have added (calmly and with a genuinely friendly smile): "OK, I sometimes say things which don't come out right. It's how I'm wired. The way you looked at me now tells me I should probably have said something different. Wanna tell me what you thought so I can do it better next time?" (or if you can say that in a shorter way, even better -- I am very long-winded.

I learned from friends and from my mother that if I express embarassment, but with a laughing-at-myself smile, it is easier for me and also for the other person to get through (or even work through) the uncomfortable moment. In some situations I even literally say, "Oh nooo! I feel so embarassed!" and laugh, and it helps a lot to break the uncomfortable tension.

If you just stand there and blush, or freeze up or get upset, the other person doesn't always know what to do next. Everybody feels uncomfortable, but no-one breaks the tension. Occasionally saying what you see and asking what it means can help a lot. Outsiders like us weren't there to read her face and to give a good opinion. Besides, we're a bunch of aspies, so we might not have known either -- and nor would a neurotypical person necessarily have known without asking.

Some examples of shorter ask-phrases (for someone who doesn't know you have a problem):
"Hey, I'm not good with body language. Mind sharing your thoughts?"
"I struggle to figure out the simplest things sometimes. Can you explain what you mean by what you just said?" (Ifit was something spoke that confused you.)
"I feel silly saying this, but I didn't understand what you meant there."
"Help me out, my social skills go on strike sometimes. Did I say something bad?"

And so on. Always in a friendly, non-intimidating way, so that the other person does not feel burdened by your problem, but rather a little amused in an endearing way.

Did you say hi back and then ask if she was your brothers friend?
Cuz if you just asked if she was your brothers friend after she said hi, then she mostly likely didn't expect that. Or expected you to say hi back. Like for example:

"Hi!"
"Are you my brother's friend?"
"...what?"

as opposed to

"Hi!"
"Hello. Are you my brother's friend?"
She would then most likely respond with a "Uhhh" and then "Yeah!" or whatever depeneding or whether or not she IS your brothers friend so yeah.

Also, you just met her. Also, from what you said in your post, I'm guessing you were assuming she was your brothers friend cuz of the fact she is at your house and your brother introduced you to his friends.
Did you already know she was your brothers friend? And you asked anyway? Cuz maybe she thought that was a bit strange since he probably asuned you already knew who she was.

Yeah lol I just could not think of anything else to say really so to her it probably a bit random.

When I can't think of anything good to say I just state the obvious.

I'm guessing it was probably just the way you said it. A lot of people react badly if someone isn't intoning their words and giving off body language they expect. Meeting people can be awkward, it seems like aspies usually come across as too intense in such situations. I'm guess she's was just reflecting the fear and awkwardness you were giving off.

I think in situations like that you just have to relax and not overreact and overthink other people's overreactions. Be prepared to be misunderstood, don't draw away from people when seem confused and frowny and eventually you'll get used to each other.

Another way to approach it is to have a "script" for meeting people. Memorize a set of words and actions to do when meeting people. "Hello, ___, Nice to meet you" shake hands, etc. You'll come across as overly formal but confident.

So, I think the important part is to stay grounded, relaxed and confident. If you make someone a little uncomfortable, so what? As long as you mean well, and try to be observant things will work out.

You need to get over the attitude that makes you look at a social interaction that felt bad and first ask "What did I do wrong?" Instead you should be asking, "What happened?" The first question is about fear, the second question is about observing, learning, curiousity. One can hardly ever see the truth through the lens of fear.