Standing up for a friend

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Recently,
I had talked to a friend on the phone, and she was having issues with another woman whom she considered a friend. This friend is getting married and had asked her to be the maid of honor, and this woman made a commitment of saying yes. Unfortunately, she ignored my friend and didn't bother to take her to a bridal shop and even broke her promise in a few other areas. So, my friend took her out of the wedding, yet this woman didn't seem to care whether she was in the wedding or not. In fact, she told her that she was extremely busy and she was going to be continue to be so.

I had felt that it was wrong of this person to make such a commitment to my friend and not follow through and them turn her nose up even when she was taken out of the wedding. In response, I sent her an e-mail that I feel like she had hurt my friend's feelings and that there had been some jealousy and insecurity towards her getting married.

Do you think that I butted into their buisness?

Last edited by Miyah on 08 Jan 2010, 2:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm not sure, it's hard to know. I'd say best to try stay out of it if you can, it's difficult when friends fight.

It's not that they were fighting or anything. It was more down the lines of her leading my friend around and then making and breaking promises. She also kept blowing her off and wasn't up front with her own situation. I mean, I just felt like she hurt my friend's feelings because she had gone to the trouble to say yes in the first place. I also feel like my friend had taken time to ask her yet got mud on her face.

If I were you, I would have discussed this with my friend in person and just told her how I felt about the situation rather than send her an email. I think it's a good thing you told her how you feel about the situation, but I would personally never tell something this personal in the form of an email. I would always tell it in person, unless of course I only know this person online through email or Instant Messaging.

I had met this woman before and I had thought she was a little stuck up. I had also talked to my
friend over the phone about it and felt like she was very hurt. She had also been known to keep bringing my friend down and even said some things about me behind me back before. FYI, this woman has also been known to butt into other people's buisness' and jab a finger at the other person. In her case, what goes around comes around I guess.

It's hard to find the line between standing up for a friend or something you believe in, and butting into other people's business. Personally, I tend to play it safe, because the people who are arguing or have been wronged or wronged the other are usually all my friends if I care about the situation at all. However, this could be seen as a form of cowardice on my part.

What did the friend who was led around think you should have done? If you hold no regard for the other person, then it is only the friend who you should be worried about offending or intruding on. If the friend is grateful that you stood up for her, then there's no harm done.

One thing you have to be wary of is not knowing the full story. There may be a valid reason why this woman pulled out of your friend's wedding, that you don't know about. It's really hard to tell.

I do agree that there is another story to this situation but this person wasn't very up front with her about what her situation was. I also had spoken to my friend about it and she said that she thought that I don't her so-called "Friend," didn't really know me so it's not like I was risking the friendship much.

I seriously felt bad about butting in like that and most of the situation is between the two of them. I didn't approve of my friend's feelings getting hurt and then the empty that came from this other woman.

The other reason that I got upset is because I had another so-called, "Friend,' make a commitment to me and I had agreed to do it. When the time got closer, she flaked out and didn't tell me what was going on until the last minute and made excuses as to whether the event was going to happen or not. I guess I just have no time for flaky people who make commitments, sound like they're going to follow through and then let you down. I mean, she said that she was going to throw my friend and her fiancee a party but kept stringing her along and then tried to put the burden on someone else and I just found that unacceptable.