My only friend

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I have one friend. It's complicated, but basically after my life imploded, everyone either ran or drifted away, and I only have this one friend who has been really good to me, and talks to me, helping me.

Today, I am gutted. I think I am wearing her out. Nothing I say seems to be any good. Even when I apologised for taking up her time, she said that I left her in the position of either saying "There, there", or lying by saying it was alright, and what did I expect her to say?

I replied that her saying "Yes you did" to me taking up her time seemed an honest answer, but she said that it was negative, that I was putting her in the position of reinforcing the idea that I was bad. I didn't know what else to suggest.

I feel exhausted, shattered, and scared that I have harmed everyone around me by being this really horrible person. I thought I was a nice enough person. But now I can't even apologise without making her angry. I can't believe how bad everything can become, just so suddenly.

Welcome to Wrong Planet. I have felt before that I'm on a continuous negative loop and driving everyone away and I have also been the listening friend who begins to feel exhausted from trying to help. I hope you can stick around. You will get many different perspectives here.

Maybe write down how you feel in a letter and give it to her. If you structure it and say "this is how I feel", maybe it will help your relationship. She sounds like a good friend and you don't want to lose that.