Do people often act like you're invisible?

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Loulas
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13 Dec 2009, 10:00 am

So I'm sitting at a table with two acquaintances and one fake friend from uni. The male acquaintance is sitting opposite me, and asks the female acquaintance next to him, "What are you doing at the weekend?"

She replies that she's working, as does my fake friend the male acquaintance repeats the question to him.

The male acquaintance doesn't ask me about my plans for the weekend.

Do you think there is any thought to your perception the snub in these cases? Was he thinking I'd take the hint and stay away if I've any pride, and otherwise just think myself lucky to be tolerated at all?

Some background info: I used to be friendly (but not exactly friends) with the guy who is snubbing me now - like at the start of uni he invited me to a couple of things and vice versa but that died down quite quickly. I've hung out in the same clique as him for the duration of the course, some members making more effort to include me than others. I've heard from my fake friend that he's told him how uncomfortable he is around me, largely because, as the fake friend put it, 'you sort of have to force conversation'. He allegedly also remarked, 'I can't believe [my name] turned up' when the fake friend invited me to join the clique for coffee before a lecture one day. Initially I was attracted to the him which caused me to clam up and act uptight around him - he and other people have probably noted that it seems to be around him that this happens.

The guy is pleasant to me sometimes, and not so pleasant at others, and did a similar thing of inviting everyone bar me and the friend of a girl in the clique to something. And the fake friend said he thought he was bang out of order, but that he would never convey that to him because 'I want an easy life - I'm the sheep here.' Unbelievable.



Last edited by Loulas on 18 Dec 2009, 7:25 am, edited 2 times in total.

FaithHopeCheese
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13 Dec 2009, 10:27 am

Loulas wrote:

Was he thinking I'd take the hint and stay away if I've any pride


Probably. This happens to my friend a lot because she tries to have like 15 friends in her life at a time but when people start to treat her like s**t she always thinks she can fix it but usually can't.

I would forget about him unless he tries to reach out to you, but don't get overly excited if he says something nice to you because it might just be out of guilt.


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13 Dec 2009, 10:31 am

Loulas wrote:
So I'm sitting at a table with two acquaintances and one fake friend from uni. The male acquaintance is sitting opposite me, and asks the female acquaintance next to him, "What are you doing at the weekend?"

She replies that she's working, as does my fake friend the male acquaintance repeats the question to him.

The male acquaintance doesn't ask me about my plans for the weekend.

Presumably he doesn't want to ask me because I'm sh** in his opinion. But do you think there is any thought to your perception the snub in these cases? Was he thinking I'd take the hint and stay away if I've any pride, and otherwise just think myself lucky to be tolerated at all?

Some background info: I used to be friendly (but not exactly friends) with the guy who is snubbing me now - like at the start of uni he invited me to a couple of things and vice versa but that died down quite quickly. I've hung out in the same clique as him for the duration of the course, some members making more effort to include me than others. I've heard from my fake friend that he's told him how uncomfortable he is around me, largely because, as the fake friend put it, 'you sort of have to force conversation'. He allegedly also remarked, 'I can't believe [my name] turned up' when the fake friend invited me to join the clique for coffee before a lecture one day. Initially I was attracted to the a***hole which caused me to clam up and act uptight around him - he and other people have probably noted that it seems to be around him that this happens.

The guy is pleasant to me sometimes, and not so pleasant at others, and did a similar thing of inviting everyone bar me and the friend of a girl in the clique to something. And the fake friend said he thought he was bang out of order, but that he would never convey that to him because 'I want an easy life - I'm the sheep here.' Unbelievable.


Yes, but now I don't care anymore and would prefer to be home alone. I have a tendency to freeze up and get awkward around someone I'm attracted to. If the attention happens to be returned I go into a blind panic. Your fake friend sounds very self aware. :)


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13 Dec 2009, 11:52 am

I have no idea what that guy was thinking. He seems like an ass though. I am still taken aback over your 'fake friend's' comment about being a sheep... who the hell wants that? Oh my... people confuse me...

As for people acting like I am invisible... yeah, they do sometimes. I remember being a kid and thinking I must be invisible. The things the adults in my life would do with me right there, the things they would say... I came to think that if you are silent, you are easily overlooked. It is like people forget you are there or think you do not listen because you do not say anything. It used to bother me, not so much anymore. I like being left out of things because then I do not have the added stress of trying to have to interact with others. I can be rude and just put on some headphones or leave the room if we have company and no one thinks twice about it... they do not expect me to jump in on conversation or activities anyway. It works.


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13 Dec 2009, 11:54 am

I wanted to be invisible. I still enjoy it from time to time.


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FuzzyElephants
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17 Dec 2009, 11:08 am

I know the feeling. The thing I hate is when total strangers seem to not notice me. Like for instance when my husband and I go out to eat, there have been several occations where the server will not ask me what I'd like or will get my order wrong or not bring me something I ask for. It seems like this never happens to other people I go out to eat with. It's aggrivating because I hate having to ask for things twice and i'm kind of paranoid about sending food back if the order is wrong and I have stomache problems so there's some things I really can't eat. It can be really agrivating because I try really hard to be polite to servers and they're paid to be attentive.



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17 Dec 2009, 11:56 am

This type of situation happened to me and they never apologized. Strange thing is that both don't have autism, yet what they did was rude. One girl invited me to go shopping with another girl. So the 3 of us go to the mall and look around. The girl who invited me completely ignores me. They act as if I am not there. They tell each other which outfit looks good on them. It hurt me so bad. So if you want to invite me to go anywhere, don't pretend I don't exist. :roll: :x


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17 Dec 2009, 12:38 pm

Yes, I know it. It happened to me repeatedly, that I was invited (and persuaded!) to party and at the party almost nobody talks with me. But sometimes I wish to be invisible so no one speak to me.


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17 Dec 2009, 5:43 pm

Loulas wrote:
Do people often act like you're invisible?
Certainly, definitely and completely. It makes me feel as though they are blind!! !


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MKWing26
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17 Dec 2009, 10:13 pm

in everything i do and everywhere i go it's like no one can see me. makes it hell to try and have a real social life.



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21 Dec 2009, 10:50 pm

Gahhh! It almost seems like people never hear me! I have to shout so that they can, even at the risk of them being offended.


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Mr_Axelrod
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01 Jan 2010, 3:35 am

This used to happen to me in high school all the time. I remember in a drama class i was trying to get some ideas across to my classmates but they didn't take any notice of me. It also happened during physics when we were doing practicals. I wasn't included despite my efforts and eagerness to learn, and I'm sure this is why I did very badly at the electricity unit. My teacher actually cautioned me because I would have damaged his equipment had i continued.

I probably should have told him about my efforts to fit in with the group. I wasn't a 'bad' student and certainly not a troublemaker. It's just that in high school and also university the lecturers seemed on a different plane to the students.



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01 Jan 2010, 7:07 am

I used to find that when I tried to make conversation with people on my table at school I was ignored completely. And even when I was sat with my "friends", who were talking about going out, they acted as if I wasn't there and never invited me along. That hurt quite a lot.

My Mum always told me I wasn't "forward" enough, in the sense that I never really made an effort with anyone. She told me to say,
"I wouldn't mind coming along", to my "friends" when they talked about going out on the weekend. But I never did, because I thought it would be rude of me to just invite myself if they didn't want me around. Even though I know my Mum meant well.

Now though, I don't really mind being ignored. I would rather people leave me alone than end up being the butt of their jokes.


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01 Jan 2010, 4:28 pm

I have this happen from time to time. Sometimes I can only get people's attention if I am having a severe meltdown (about once every 4 months).


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01 Jan 2010, 7:04 pm

People read off your face, subconsciously. If what they read doesn't fall into the range of NT-approved facial expressions appropriate for situational context, they will get freaked out by the uncanny valley syndrome. Your face is human but something about it is not like the other faces in here.

Ever try watching Polar Express or Beowulf ? Before I got better at controlling my outside demeanor, I felt like a CGI character that's been designed to look very humanlike but something about them is off and it freaks people.

Uncanny valley syndrome. Much like John Malkovich's likeness from Beowulf.



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04 Jan 2010, 9:57 am

monsterland wrote:
People read off your face, subconsciously. If what they read doesn't fall into the range of NT-approved facial expressions appropriate for situational context, they will get freaked out by the uncanny valley syndrome. Your face is human but something about it is not like the other faces in here.

Ever try watching Polar Express or Beowulf ? Before I got better at controlling my outside demeanor, I felt like a CGI character that's been designed to look very humanlike but something about them is off and it freaks people.

Uncanny valley syndrome. Much like John Malkovich's likeness from Beowulf.


Hm... interesting. Somebody described the people in polar express as monstrous. I think I'll google some images. It might explain my situation to an extent.