People insisting on making you dance

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I've overcome many barriers to function normally in social situations with people my age but one thing still really makes me feel profoundly uncomfortable: dancing. I've never liked dancing nor felt the urge to dance in any time in my life. And its just my luck that everyother party I go to some girl wants me to dance with her. I always turn her down politely with something like "oh, I don't dance" but they wont have it. I usually give in and end up feeling and probably looking quite awkward and I can't shake the feeling of anxiety for the rest of the night. I also probably kill my chances with girls because I can engage in witty conversation just fine but the whole dancing thing is just a train-wreck.

So I come to you asking three things:
1) How do I avoid the dancing situation without looking lame?
2) Does anyone else here feel uncomfortable dancing and what do you do about it?
3) Would it be worth investing my time into private, formal dance lessons (the only sort of dancing I could see myself doing at this point)?

I am the same as you in this respect. People have always tried to make me dance, but I really don't enjoy it. Then, on my eighteenth birthday, I finally give in and decide to dance (maybe this decision was slightly influenced by alcohol). Everyone just laughed at me and at least five people threatened to beat me up. I can't understand it. I don't want to dance, so people want to make me dance, but when I do dance it isn't good enough for them. I think we should probably attempt to learn how to dance somehow, but why do something you're not comfortable with?

My philosophy is if there is something your lacking then work to improve it; so look into private dance lessons IMHO. Honestly though I found that takes some Wing Chung kung Fu helped my dancing a lot, Tai chi chuan would also be excellent and probably easier to find a class as well.

Precisely. Though people threatening to beat you up sounds weird. Probably need a new crowd to hang with. Even jokingly that's rude when you clearly were selflessly attempting to humor them and then they just give you sh** for it.



Yeah funny you should mention that because I was thinking that my kata experience from when I took karate would help me at least be aware of my body. Right now I'm in college and don't have time for dance lessons but maybe this summer? I would love to be able to just dance so that don't look/feel out of place.

Yep, whenever I went to an event where there was dancing, people would always pressure me to dance. The more they insisted, the more I refused.

I never gave in to the pressure. Eventually, the people would always give up and finally leave me alone.

Just keep saying no, no, no. Don't give any reasons or excuses; that will just fuel their persistence in trying to make you dance.
Just. Say. No. Ignore these people, if you must.

The only dancing I feel comfortable with is dancing to my own musical preferences in my own room, ALONE.

I like to dance but still sometimes have that problem. I suck at any dancing that requires coordinating with someone else. (Well, besides the slow turning in a circle close dancing thing, but I'm really not interested in doing that with strangers or friends.) And I'm not interested. I want to enjoy the music, not be distracted from it from trying to coordinate dance steps with someone else. And there's no way for people to know that. Well, some of them might be astute enough to realize I'm a klutz, but not most.

Well if you're a guy at least it's not too bad not to dance or to dance silly. I'm a girl and I HATE dancing, but I can't stand aside at the bar with a beer next to some guys, you know. I've actually PRACTICED dancing in front of a mirror to not look like a complete moron if they ask me - because if you dance like s**t as a girl it's just... no.

Just go out there and do it anyway.

Well I may not be a normal guy but I personally don't give any fraction of a damn about how well a girl can dance. I'd rather get formal lessons before I just get out there and do it. I just don't see why it has to be such a major issue that I don't want to dance.

Well I don't see why so many major issues are major issues, but they are, and there are only three things you could do.
1. Avoid major issues (Don't go to parties.)
2. Say "no" to major issues, making the issue more major ("No, I won't dance." "- OMG!! YOU SUCK AND I'LL TELL MY FRIENDS")
3. Give in (Just try to copy what other people do.)

Figure out which one would work best for you. I'd guess:
"1." is for people who are fine on their own - bitter reality shows that even us social ret*ds can't do without others, though.
"2." is for people who don't care what other people think - there aren't many of those around.
"3." is for people who'd rather go through the trouble of adapting than going through the trouble of loneliness.

I think it would be worth investing in. Especially if you are lucky enough to find an Aspie dance instructor, you'll quickly find that dancing is a lot more methodical than it would seem at first glance. Once you get the methods down ok, everything else is a breeze and you may actually find dancing very enjoyable like I did. If anything, dancing allows me to do stuff and interact with people without so much talking to them.

I'm well aware of the trichotomy but I'm not sure if I can manage to pull off 3 without turning it into a 2 like situation. It seems I can't really figure out what people are doing when they dance. It seems simple just to watch it but if I try to actually do it I get confused. I'm not a naturally coordinated perosn and any athletic ability I've acquired through the years has been the result of much hard work. It would take me a long time to get the hang of even simple dancing. Which brings me back to dance lessons.



An aspie instructor would be quite nice but highly unlikely. I'm actually quite a good conversationalist. I've been able to adapt to that socially but dancing seems more of an opaque barrier to me. I mean, at least I undertand the motivation behind conversation. The closest I ever come to dancing spontaneously is when I sway back and forth while playing the piano.

Hmm... how much music theory do you know? Do you know about 4/4 time and such? When you hear music, do you hear a methodical system at all, or is it more-or-less random to you?

Well I'm a professional pianist and have been playing/composing for 5 years so music is actually something I enjoy immensely, and I also know alot about it. I just tend to feel music in my heart and not my body. I've never been a fan of rhythm oriented music.

Hmm... well, in the event that you take dancing lessons, you'll invariably be taught to pay attention to the rhythm of the music. So if you aren't a fan of rhythm-oriented music... either that might change and you will become a fan, or the dancing lessons won't be fun.