Question for girls making friends.

Post Reply New Topic

I was looking over the table for help4aspergers.com (the one on female traits) and it mentions having a close friend or friends in school but not once adulthood is reached. So why do you think this is? I was debating on where to put this topic and decided to put it under making friends.

I had two close friends in school, and then none in college. Well, actually I had a few friends my first semester of college but it got to be too overwhelming for me so I sort of, for lack of a better word, ditched them. For me they got to be too time-consuming and overwhelming. They always wanted to go out and do something, always wanted to come over, always called me. In high school my friends didn't expect me to go out too much outside of school. We hung out and were very close in school, but then didn't do too many things outside. This may have been because one of my friends was an Aspie.

I think that when girls are in high school they tend to socialize more in a private area- like at one of their homes, at school, or go out to dinner. In college I noticed that my friends wanted to do more exciting things like go to parties or just go out and do shopping. I think that it's also more normal for girls in high school to have only a few friends or one very close friend, but in college they tend to spread out more and don't want only one very close friendship which many Aspies are more comfortable with.

In school you are often immersed in a mix of people from all economic levels, multi-ethnic backgrounds, and it is probably the most exposure most of us get to neurodiversity. At that point in your life, you are beginning to escape parental supervision and you are testing the boundaries of your own family. You feel somewhat invincible and so you are more open to friendship and less frightened of differences. Then you graduate and the regimental structure of school disappears and you have to make a life for yourself. So you start to make conscious choices about how and where to spend your leisure, and this is a process that discriminates. You only have so much free time, limited resources, and if you have limited interests or solitary ones, then it will be harder to find common ground. The online community has certainly helped by dispelling physical distances. I read somewhere the speculation that Ipods and the great individual selection of music available will mean that today's youngsters will not have much in common with each other when they get old and their physical mobility is limited. Does that sound true to you?

As I kid I would have one or two "friends" or girls who would sit near me at lunch, but I would avoid actually going over to their houses or holding conversations.
Now, in High School, I tend to distance myself more and more. Sometimes conversation with a person I know will cause me to become over stimulated, and because I've never learned or been good at acting normal, I am not sure how to handle myself.
The only person I like seeing and talking to is my English teacher at lunch, and sometimes after school. I think I like him because he talks and talks and talks and I can nod and nod and nod my head. Haha, but our conversations are a good learning experience for me, because I am taking things at my own pace for once, and steadily learning how to speak with someone. He really is like an "English" teacher in more then one way for me.
I could see being friends with him well into my adult years, God willing.
I have a feeling I will be a very lonely adult.

Id say thats not nessarily my experiance. If I were to guess, aspie girls are able to relate to other girls during the early years elementary school years. Once the other girls grow older they leave the aspie girls behind quickly. They become interested in other things. Idk.