How do you get and keep Female friends?

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How do you get and keep Female friends? I'm an 18 year old male who is interested in getting female friends. I have this one female friend in college who is 22 and I said some things that made her uncomfortable and I would like to be her friend again. I hope she still likes me. I really liked her as a friend and she was my first true female friend.

Don't try to get into a relationship, don't hit on them, and don't stare at their girly-bits. Easier said than done at that age though, as I remember

But above all, this should be your Golden Rule:

Develop their friendship because you have a COMMON INTEREST, and NOT because they are simply female. Maybe you share an interest in a common band? Maybe you're both online playing WOW (or whatever the current MMO game is right now)? Maybe she's a member in your Dungeons & Dragons club. You've got to close your eyes to the "female" part and focus on the mind behind the wrapper.

Of course, the big irony of this is that once you embrace this philosophy, you will no longer be looking for a "female friend". But just like many things, when you're not looking is quite often when you find what you were originally looking for!

Apologise to her if you offended her; don't act like it never happened.

My best friend in college was a guy but he really offended me and never had the guts or respect to apologise afterwards, instead a few weeks later he tried to act like nothing had happened. Needless to say, I wasn't interested in being friends again

What ViperaAspis said. One of my best friends is female and I've known her for 20 years, I consider her family and really one of the key things in maintaining a friendship with women (or with anyone really) is just being open and honest. I know communication isn't always our forte but sometimes you do luck out and find someone who just intuits without needing a ton of explanation. Does that make sense?

To Pernicious-Knid Yes it does

I have always wondered about this. I have had a few male friends over the years but I have never been able to make female friends. I seem to amke a passable impression on men but women always seem wary of me. I suspect this is largely due to women's tendancy to be superficial. Having said that, it would be nice to have a female friend or two to tallk to.

Forget it. When you see her again just start talking. Don't apologize to her about it. I don't know what you said exactly, but talking to her can be like an apology. I would try not to worry about her or making any female friends. I don't have any myself because they think I'm weird. I also don't have any close male friends, they are just acquaintances.

It makes me really sad..and trust me I feel for you...when aspie guys and people post on here about how to make a female friend, or how to make a friend. Friends just kinda come along you know. I've had friends before but they moved away, I moved away, and one die. But I'm still alive. People tell me I need to get out more, but I just ignore them, because if I took it all in I'd be frustrated even more.

All the friends I've had tried at least to understand me. Women are more difficult to deal with than men. Many women and girls are moody and flakey. But there are girls that are cool. It's just that they are hard to find. But just start talking about anything you'd talk about around anyone, unless its politics, religion, and sex because many people girl or boy get offended by that. There are things besides that that i talk to with people I meet and they seem uninterested so i just stop talking to them.
People shouldn't have to try hard to make friends, friends should just try to understand eachother. If girls or that girl isn't making an effort to understand you, or if she gets offended by some stuff you say, maybe girls or she are not the people you should be trying to talk to.

because it only leads to frustration right?

and women also have trouble dealing with women. In my class all of the guys like, if not, respect each other. But there are like 4 groups of girls who hate each other and some are cool with me and others are just bitchy. That's the way they are...hard to deal with.

I disagree. Talking to her as if nothing has happened is not like an apology; if you respected your friend's feelings at all, you would at least discuss the issue and allow them to explain why they are offended.

If it turns out you are in the wrong, refusing to aplogise is just pure arrogance.

People may let it slide once or twice, but they will get sick of getting treated like this after a while.

And that is the basic problem because Aspie guys aren't clued in enough to notice the subtle changes in a woman's demeanor that indicate what she might be thinking or at least how she might be reacting to a situation. On top of that, for whatever reason, it is socially acceptable for women to be fickle and superficial. We men on the other hand are expected to treat all others with respect no matter what. These factors do indeed make women a harder deal to cope with.


That is true. There are some females out there that are not as put off by "different" men as most are. I have found that tomboys are often easier to get along with than typical females as they tend to have less of the undesireable traits women are famous for.

Having female friends has advantages. I found that when I was in university (many years ago), whenever I used to hang with the chicks in my classes, other women would approach me. Almost like, "Oh that guy is with women. He must be OK". I don't know if that is how women actually think about these things but that is what seemed to happen. Once I left university, I didn't have an automatic group of women to hang with and this stopped. I have often womdered if I could be seen in public with a woman or two, this might start up again.

Yea, so just try not to worry about it. Just talk to her, and I know talking is boring, but oh well. I make better frendswith girls who are lesbians?bi.
Put it this way, if you have trouble with typical girls, it is not you who is wrong, and it is not her who is wrong either. You were born the way you are, and if you want some girl, you're going to have to change who you are, and for others you can be who you are. That's just the way it is.

Us aspi women can be very strange and uppredictable.

I worry a lot about getting things wrong and feel insecure. I have had and do have aspi freind who are female and they are harder to keep because of there upredictable nature. They a lot going on in the female brain and it can be hard to process i have had two best female aspi friends who i spent all my days of the week with who suddenly disapeared and didn't want to be friends no more. its all to do with anxieities and presures. I know myself I have said to other people with aspergers that I can't be friends with them because they have too many problems and I take them problems on board. don't spend too much time with one friend then it won't get presured and don't blame yourself if it don't work. if they have aspergers it could be a problem with them.

I am honest with people and I normally say to certain people why i can't hang around with them. Like one man used to overwhelm me with his problems and he self harmed and after spending years trying to help and visiting him weekly in hospital cos he done summit silly or got arrested. he got too clingy so I told him i can't handle it no more as it makes me ill and told him to leave me alone. That man might not understand why i being like i am cos i been around for years and i do like him. But I can't handle him. Thats and extreme example tho

It's good that people out there are willing to help me.