Do you secretly know you're doing the wrong thing socially,

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....but do it anyway?

In those cases, is that a compulsion as opposed to a blind spot? At that time, we don't know how to meet a legitimate need properly, so we do something dysfunctional because we don't know what else to say (sounds like something Donald said in Mozart and the Whale)? I always thought that Asperger's is about being totally oblivious to missing the social mark, but maybe there are variations, especially as you get older and learn more, but you're more aware of what's wrong than knowing what to do instead.

I think that aspies end up being hated because they want to be liked and admired so they might go on and on about something they're good at without realizing that the people around them are not good at this. Others might see this as spite work when it's really not. The aspie wanted their admiration and possibly friendship but made enemies instead.
The bottom line is that they were looking at a situation in a one-sided way because of the stress of social anxiety. It's like getting really nervous at a lunch table where you want to be instantly liked but start talking about how successful you are around people who know failure all too well. It backfires right in your face! It hard being an aspie! We often say the wrong thing at the wrong time just because we thought it would be our ticket into the unknown realm of the NT. Being close to fifty years old, I often get it right but this happened after "years" of social mistakes and the vengeance of the other people that followed. I though they hated me because I was sub-par and went around all depressed thinking this. The truth was that I insulted many people without knowing it and they spent their days punishing me for it. Most people won't say to you, "What do you mean by this or can you explain yourself?" Most will leave your company brooding and ploting to get you back and you don't even know what the hell you had done or said. It's a real [] being socially inept!
When I was young, I looked even younger. I worked in an office full of very young, attractive NT women. When I married at the age of 37 (but looked 21) , all I did was talk about the fact that I couldn't believe that I got married. These girls burned with envy because they didn't know how old I really was. When they found out my age, they understood why I was so happy.
Because 37 is old to finally get married. Then and only then was I less intimidating. All the envy and hatred stopped. They initially viewed my happiness as bragging. Most of their partners were not yet interested in a committment because they were so much younger than I was. I was 12 years older than the eldest female there but didn't look the part nor did I "act" the part. My own fear of being considered an "old maid" calmed them down. NT's get mad over the simpliest things to where we logical aspies can't figure it out because we looking for "more". The bad thing is that people get really mad but don't tell you! Then you're instantly in a game for survival and have no idea of how you got there! [removed - M.]

But I have done things just for spite because of all those years of being left out of the NT circle. And yes, I "did" know what I was doing....but this vengeful thinking came at a much later and wiser age. It was little things like saying I forgot to bring the potatoe salad to the office luncheon when I had no intention of even making it in the first place. Oh, and yes, I "volunteered" to make the salad...even signed my name on the list next to potatoe salad. This is due to not being considered a part of the social circle but at the same time being pressured and "used" to make a dish for the office luncheon...I don't like being used. If a whole office NEVER invited you to have lunch or tried to make you feel welcome, why should you have to spend your money and time making bloody potatoe salad for "their" gossipy NT "exclusion" parties!! !! How come "all of a sudden" you're one of the gals?! See what I mean?! They do this so you won't feel left out but they leave you out the other 364 days of the year. Such phoney s**t. BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY: Sometimes I think that although we aspies can't properly mingle with NT's, they can't properly approach us either. We don't know how and they too don't know how. So, one human being isn't above the other in essence. The same physical species but a different species when it comes to "thought". Only a mind-reader can tell the two human beings apart.

I do it at work all the time! I have an unfortunate habit of interrupting people with correct information-even if I'm not actually involved in the conversation. I do it to my boss and I get a negative reaction every single time, but it's just so important to me that she have the correct information. I'm getting better at staying out of conversations I'm not involved in, but I still do it every once in a while... I really don't do it to piss her off-I think it is a compulsion since I just can't seem to stop myself.

If we choose to do the wrong things socially, it's not Asperger's is it? The point is aspies don't know it's wrong so they do it until taught or told.



It's so hard to not interrupt but either it's just a habit or I don't pick up on the social cues of when to open my mouth. Also sometimes things come out of my mouth like Tourettes occasionally. Something comes to my head and I say it and then I get embarrassed because I had called someone fat and they didn't even ask for my opinion. But luckily my family laughs. Thank goodness this doesn't happen often. We don't choose to do this, it just happens. So this be an example of when it's AS even though we know it's wrong.

I always do the wrong thing unless I know that is wrong. It's main reason is I can't think for another behavior in appropriate time because social situations always makes nervous, so I do the first thing that comes to my mind. That thing is 99% wrong, but it's the only chance to do anything.

I've managed to practice my social skills enough in high school to not worry around friends.

However, on situations that are outside of that, especially when dealing with strangers or people I'm not intimate with...

I've never had any training. What kinds of things do they teach you?

i would much prefer to be self employed - then no butt to kiss

Hm.
Well okay, it's very complicated.
Cuz I know about certain things that are wrong socially, but other things I always end up realizing is wrong right after I do it.
I mean I know these things almost subconsciously, like I don't think about it right away, but usually after a strange situation I always replay what had happened and I think about what the other person might have been thinking, and in doing so I end up believing I must have done something wrong.
I try to do a lot of research as to know what is wrong and right socially, but I always either forget or I don't know.

I'm confused all the time.........and then exhausted.

Cognitively, I recognize when I have done/said the wrong thing. Blurted out things, butted in, argued vehemently with strangers, told people they are morons.......and just as I am doing it, the warning bells are going off but trying to stop it is like trying to push myself through the eye of a needle.......or apply brakes when the brakes have failed.......impossible.

Gosh it is tiring. I do not mean to be like this. Cognitivley, I know better. But subconsciously? No way.......it has its own program.

Socialising can be terrifying, draining and downright boring. People seem to like being around me though. The ones who know me anyways.

Mics

No, because that would be lazy, I do realise half way through it, like if I'm going on about something I do shut up whilst wishing I was still talking about it.
Although I'll say something pedantic for a laugh to annoy my mum (works everytime) or as an in-joke between certain friends if I'm doing exaggerated aspie "impressions".

I sometimes know that the social convention is that you shouldn't do or say something but I disagree with it and think it is unreasonable so I say it anyway.

Like once my family were having dinner and one guest started up about "The Law of Attraction" and how everything that happens in your life, you made it happen by thinking it. I thought that was outrageous, considering such things as natural disasters, serious illnesses, etc. And I started an argument, and my mom tried to get me to shut up and let it go but I insisted on arguing anyway because I disagreed that you should just shut up and tolerate that sort of talk for the sake of harmony.