Writing people off, with no hope of forgiveness

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I'll spare you the story. Just know that I do sometimes, just because it gives me a sense of closure with the person. I got called "messed up" because somebody tried to make amends but I wouldn't have it after all the crap I went through because of them.

Is this an aspie/autie trait? Is it wrong? What are your thoughts on forgiveness of those who don't deserve it?

I'm pretty forgiving, but sometimes things come to a point of no return. If I reach that point, nothing can change my mind because I just don't care anymore.

That's a hard one for anyone . . . i'll admit that right now Ive a grandparent that I refuse to talk to, but at the same time she's got a case of cancer. On one hand, I feel sorry, but on the other I just wish she'd part with this world . . . but not before i get to tell her a few things. Hell, 4/5 of my family will NOT talk to her just because she has insulted, ridiculed, and just outright b17ched at my family. Im sorry, but that kind of person just needs to go . . . i may be viewed as terrible, but she deserves nothing less than scorn.

But, on the other hand, you have to prove yourself a better than the individual . . . anyone can have a vindictive persona, its not restricted to the spectrum (on the bright side, we dont go murdering people who pissed us off . . . that's a plus). I think id tell this person of yours, "No, i dont forgive you because you came to me to ask for it and i'll not have you live with a clean conscience if i accept it."

I am a very forgiving person.

I've done this before too. My roomate spent the last few months of us living together in silence, because of a combination of things he did and said. He never tried to apologize though. Maybe if he would've, I would've started talking to him again.

I'm unforgiving if people aren't mentally mature enough to understand the full concept of apology.

There are some people who I don't forgive, based on them being mentally inferior to myself.

However, I can forgive most people.

It really depends on what they did. As long as it wasn't something traumatizing or something very cruel I can usually forgive someone. If they do it again, then that's the point of no return After all the old saying is "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me".

Sometimes it's not one big thing, it's the constant mind games you have to endure until one day you tell yourself, you really don't have to.

I can forgive a person (I think), but I definitely cannot forget why we had (an) issue(s). I'll keep things on an acquaintance level after a problem b/c after a person does something to "stab me in the back" (upset me, give something about me away, put me in a bad position, etc.) I never know what to expect from said person & no longer trust them. (I had this happen within the past month actually.)

Even when I think I've "reached the point of no return", as it was put, I'm not very hard to win back.

I forgive almost everyone, however, I would never forgive those who persistently harass me (physically or verbally) and/or follow the crowd trying to act "the hardest" without a very good reason. Those people are simply not worth my time, effort, forgiveness or polite behaviour.

There's always a chance of forgiveness with me, but after a certain point the person has to apologize, admit to their wrongdoing, and accept responsibility. I generally only cut contact if the person backstabs me (I define backstabbing as a conscious and deliberate betrayal).

I've cut contact with my one ex's because she's a psychopathic liar and emotional vampire, a true ice queen. At first the lies seemed like small time stuff that didn't really matter, but when I asked her if she'd like to get back together when she was single again, she gave me a "probably yes" but she was working stuff out with her at the time ex (who she described a douchebag, ironically she's a asshat herself, due to my knowledge of her now I have to wonder what really happened between them), when I asked again on the question, she acted like I "knew" that she and her ex were back together, I told her I knew of no such thing, she claimed I misunderstood her, I called her on her BS, she admitted their was no misunderstanding and I needed to be "patient". She breaks up with said guy for good, and I ask her again, she says she wants "alone" time, I'm fine with that. I try to make plans to hang out with her numerous times and she even calls me, she finds a way to weasel out of it every time, she came to hang out with me once and when she did she had a chore for me to do. I find out she's dating again, I get pissed and call her on her BS for the last time, calling a snake a snake. I should've seen it coming really, she would complain about her life to me, but if I complained or when I got swindled she just laughed at me and would mock me. She claims she has cancer and is getting no treatments and I'm pretty sure she told me that "no one knows", she's been claiming this for over a year, she's perfectly healthy, she doesn't have cancer, the fact that she's willing to pretend that she has a terminal illness says really bad of her. My uncle died of cancer, and it took less than a year to take his life.

I usually forgive people.

Last edited by League_Girl on 13 Feb 2010, 8:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

I once knew a kid named Blake.

I met him on the bus. he was new in town, and everybody already hated him. I felt sorry for Blake. Both his parents where very abusive. He needed a friend. I thought I would be that friend.

Blake, as it turned out, was a liar. A big liar. I'm not talking just breaking promises, I'm talking swearing religious oaths that he had no intention of keeping.

He was also a cheater. We all knew he was a cheater. We caught him cheating at everything, all the time. But when accused of cheating he would get not only angry, but violent. He would physically attack me multiple times if I accused him of cheating, and then later confess to cheating with a laugh, as if it where no big deal.

He was also a moron. I mean unfathomably stupid. It is inconceivable that anyone that stupid could survive in this world. You'd think he'd have wandered into traffic or something. I remember this one time, I was playing a game, when he came over. I had just gotten a new item in the game, and he asked what it did. "It allows me to see invisible platforms" I answered. He responded "I've never seen an invisible platform!"

He was also arrogant. unbelievably arrogant.

He was also a thief. Things seemed to disappear when he was around, and once I got blamed for something he stole.

He was also disloyal. He would insult me any way he could for a shot at making friends with someone more popular. He once went so far as to organize a gang of bullies to jump me on the way home from school.

Still, he was human. and I was willing to forgive him as many times as he was willing to ask forgiveness.

Then came the knife. He carried the knife everywhere. I would turn a corner, and there would be a knife at my throat. and he would laugh. my life was a joke to him.

Then one day he called, and I told him, very calmly, not to talk to me anymore. and I have not heard from him since.

So I am willing to forgive anything so long as a) the guilty party will ask forgiveness and b) I do not feel my life f threatened by forgiving the guilty party.

Remind me so much of a Girl I once knew called Stacey. despite my rather sexist nature against Woman, I would never actually hit her back no matter how many times she slapped me, bad-mouthed me, used me in an attempt to get more friends etc. She says I was her "best friend", yet, she treated me like dirt and everyone else the opposite. As for thieving, she was constantly taking pencils, pens etc. out of my pencil case, as well as taking school books (including my own) and throwing them around the classroom with no care in the world. Not to mention the times I was told off for her constant screaming or mocked for being "friends" with her. All this because I took pity on her. Also, yeah, Cheater and Moron too. Quite honestly, I'm glad she was stupid (and I'll mention why later on).

Several times I reached the point of no return, then she started the pleading "Oh, I have no friends etc. I'll never be mean again!" and started acting nice. Every time I was gullible enough to think she had changed yet, deep inside, I knew she hadn't. Still, I always took her back. The last time, however, I never accepted her apology. True, we were still "friendly" with eachother, but I never really took her back as a friend and ignored her when appropriate. What happened next? She moved schools! Her nagging mother was constantly getting at her due to her grades (which were pretty much C's) but now, they were falling to D's and E's (this is where the "stupid" fits in. Not to mention, she was disrupting every lesson with screaming). Her mother took a hissy-fit, blamed the school then pulled her out. Now I'm starting to regain my sanity. However...

EDIT: I forgot to mention the time I was holding the door open for a small, French teacher and she pushed me to the side, forcing the door to slam into the teacher's back while she ran down the stairs. Needless to say, the teacher yelped, and I made constant apologies whilst taking the blame for her. The teacher hasn't spoken to me since, and ignored me every time I say "Hi".



Quite honestly, I feel sorry for you. I know what it's like to face so much torment for so long but... When a weapon is involved... I honest don't think I would have been able to cope. True, I was hit with books, jabbed with pencils and overall smacked every break and lunch time (as well as some lesson times), however, never have I suffered a possibly lethal situation involving a knife. For that, I truly feel sorry for you. That's all I'm really going to say, as sympathy for the anonymous isn't really my strong point.

I've learned to forgive, but forgetting is a different matter. I can maintain a relationship with someone after screwing me over, if they are sincere enough (meaning actions, more then a few words) in their appologies and wanting to make things right. If not, then I may forgive, but I'll not longer include them as a part of my life.