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Miyah
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19 Feb 2010, 2:03 pm

I am friends with another woman whom is a lot older than I am and is struggling with loosing weight. She is in the midst of getting married to a wonderful guy, and I am happy for her. However, I am thin and she has the tendency to make me feel bad for being thin and pouts like a 5-year old, while accusing her fiancee for staring at me every time we get together. She also starts crying and says things like, "My breasts are sagging.," or "All my life, people made fun of my weight and my father compared me to my two sisters." Finally, she made me feel bad because she claims that she can't find clothes in a consignment store her size and she was mad because I have an easier time finding things at places like that than she does.

I don't know what to do because she always finds a way to make me feel guilty because I am thin, and she isn't. What should I say to her?



MorbidMiss
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19 Feb 2010, 2:35 pm

My first impulse was to say something snarky, but that would not be helpful for you. So here is my edited version. :)

"I am sorry that you have a negative body image, but you are really hurting me by commenting on my weight all the time." If she cannot stop doing it after that then she is not much of a friend.

I am pretty curvy by nature, I'm not meant to be skinny and that is fine. I am shaped like Betty Boop (aside from the head of course) and you know what? That seems to really work for me. You can counter-act breasts lowering by doing push-ups (you can start off doing them on your knees or even against a wall and work up from there) and firm up thighs by doing squats and walking. Those types of exercise can be done alone in your bathroom for crying out loud! (except the walking LoL)

Personally I've found that doing them in front of a mirror seems to motivate me to keep doing them because I can focus on why I am doing them.

Not eating btw does not work. For anyone. As soon as a person starts eating again their metabolism is all messed up. Better to just eat "normal" portions and do exercise.



Lene
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19 Feb 2010, 3:34 pm

I agree with Morbid Miss; tell your friend her comments are making you feel self-concious and you are starting to feel awkward being with her and her bf.



Heliobacter20
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19 Feb 2010, 7:00 pm

You can try to tell her how you feel, but I long ago learned that people like that are lousy friends. I know it's hard to make and keep friends as an aspie, but people who cut you down all the time have a really bad effect on you long term. I had a lot of these in high school so I know. If they resent you, you can't trust them because they will sabotage you in little ways as a passive-agressive revenge. Eg: tell you lies about what other people say about you, gossip behind your back, etc.
Ditch the b***h.



CockneyRebel
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19 Feb 2010, 8:49 pm

I did have in insecure friend who was hung up on looks and weight. She doesn't want to hang out with my or my group of friends, anymore. She says that we're too old.


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