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Tim_Tex
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31 Jan 2010, 10:21 pm

A very good friend of two years unfriended me from Facebook earlier today. Just last week, we were getting along and having a very fun conversation.

I never said or did anything that could have offended her or made her uncomfortable, and she never said that she didn't want to be my friend anymore, so I don't know what's going on. I re-added her to my Facebook, thinking I may have been deleted by accident.

I have already had one friend abandon me, I can't deal with another doing the same thing.


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meoblast001
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31 Jan 2010, 10:30 pm

I wouldn't take a Facebook unfriending too seriously. Facebook is just a website by the way (then again, all my friends exist on the internet for the most part). Regardless, if you know this person irl, I'd recommend approaching him/her and asking about it. As far as losing friends, I feel you on that. I've never really had a consistent group of friends.



makuranososhi
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31 Jan 2010, 10:32 pm

If you have a dialogue, then simply ask "I noticed you'd taken me off of Facebook - is anything wrong?" - and respect the answer no matter which way it points. Being demanding or petulant will not serve your interests; neither will anger or frustration. As a friend, you should feel comfortable asking if things are ok... otherwise, it would seem to be less of a friendship than what I understand one to be.


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Tim_Tex
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31 Jan 2010, 10:32 pm

I have an IM name I can contact her at, but she hasn't been on IM lately.


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MudandStars
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31 Jan 2010, 10:35 pm

I sounds a bit odd. Most people are happy to be facebook friends with someone if they just know their name and have had something of an acquaintance or friendship with at some point in their lives... For now I would assume this was a mistake and if it isn't and this person hasn't even bothered to tell you what's going on then really in the end their not worth having as a friend.


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meoblast001
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31 Jan 2010, 10:36 pm

I'm sorry if I might have misworded that. I meant approach as in you should talk to him.



meoblast001
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31 Jan 2010, 10:37 pm

MudandStars wrote:
I sounds a bit odd. Most people are happy to be facebook friends with someone if they just know their name and have had something of an acquaintance or friendship with at some point in their lives... For now I would assume this was a mistake and if it isn't and this person hasn't even bothered to tell you what's going on then really in the end their not worth having as a friend.


Friends? Who needs them. ;) :|



Tim_Tex
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31 Jan 2010, 10:52 pm

I have almost no friends, either online or on IM, and I could talk about anything with this particular friend.


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Tim_Tex
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31 Jan 2010, 11:02 pm

makuranososhi wrote:
If you have a dialogue, then simply ask "I noticed you'd taken me off of Facebook - is anything wrong?" - and respect the answer no matter which way it points. Being demanding or petulant will not serve your interests; neither will anger or frustration. As a friend, you should feel comfortable asking if things are ok... otherwise, it would seem to be less of a friendship than what I understand one to be.


M.


I sent her an IM, discussing what happened, and asked if anything was wrong. I am waiting for a reply.


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makuranososhi
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31 Jan 2010, 11:11 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
makuranososhi wrote:
If you have a dialogue, then simply ask "I noticed you'd taken me off of Facebook - is anything wrong?" - and respect the answer no matter which way it points. Being demanding or petulant will not serve your interests; neither will anger or frustration. As a friend, you should feel comfortable asking if things are ok... otherwise, it would seem to be less of a friendship than what I understand one to be.


M.


I sent her an IM, discussing what happened, and asked if anything was wrong. I am waiting for a reply.


Sounds like a good first step. Breathe, lather, rinse, repeat - she'll respond, and if she doesn't you will still have your answer, albeit not in the manner you are looking for. Take care, keep informed of what happens if you will.


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Tim_Tex
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31 Jan 2010, 11:23 pm

Even though this friend is female, I am not pursuing her romantically.


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makuranososhi
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31 Jan 2010, 11:29 pm

Does it matter? If she responds, there is an avenue for discussion and explanation possible. If she doesn't respond, then it would follow that either she did not value the friendship in the same manner you did... remember, you may readily get 'what' happened, but it is the 'why' of the situation that you may never get an answer to.


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Tim_Tex
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01 Feb 2010, 12:22 am

It's because I'm a Christian, isn't it?


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makuranososhi
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01 Feb 2010, 12:56 am

Where in the world did that come from, Tim? I mean, that's completely left-field and without any basis. If you want to create causes out of thin air, that is your decision - but I won't support going down that path or be party to the process.


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Tim_Tex
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01 Feb 2010, 1:38 am

This friend was liberal and an atheist, and had no problem with me being Christian and a Republican. What if that was the reason she abandoned me?

I can't deal with it if she has abandoned me.


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makuranososhi
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01 Feb 2010, 2:17 am

The only person that will never abandon us, so long as we don't give up, is ourselves. Others - whether they be family, friends, strangers, advocates or foes - can always change, and for reasons that are beyond my comprehension (and likely others, I would suspect). If she had no problem with you being yourself, why would that suddenly change? I hate to ask, but did something happen that may not seem to have significance to you? Did you ask her to attend church with you or was religion becoming a frequent or prominent subject of conversation? Speaking from personal experience, I know that when others begin to talk about religious subjects (moreso than if the discussion stays on more spiritual topics) that I get uncomfortable and can become distant. It isn't that I begrudge their faith - I admire the ability to a certain extent - but I have nothing to say that would not likely be construed as either an attack or a dismissal of their religious beliefs. Some people in my life have experienced radical religious conversions; while there was a period of adjustment where we spoke much less that before if at all, we did eventually return to a level of friendship akin to what we had before their change in perspective. I think you give entirely too much weight to the views of a potential partner; I think the issue has more to do with how well -both- of you can handle accepting the difference between you... and to me, there is a huge difference between the two.


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For those who seek an alternative, it is coming.

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