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ladyelaine
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17 Jul 2018, 9:17 am

I have experienced a lot of passive aggressive behavior from people. People have gone through other people to communicate with me instead of talking to me themselves. What kinds of passive aggressive behavior have you dealt with?



HistoryGal
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17 Jul 2018, 9:19 am

Same type of stuff. Someone telling me they filled out a reference paper for me when in fact it was never done.



ladyelaine
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18 Jul 2018, 3:05 pm

People have procrastinated when I ask them to do something for me. I always put in my time off requests two weeks in advance. My boss would wait until the absolute last minute to sign off on my request and turn it in to the principal. That was when I needed the day off for my graduation. I was rarely absent from work.

People would sneak snide remarks into conversations as well. They would take subtle jabs at me.

People would leave me out and not keep me in the loop about things. I often had to find things out through the grapevine. I couldn't always count on information to be accurate.

People have gossiped about me and tried to drive wedges between me and other people. People have spread my personal business around without my permission to try to sabotage me.

People have contradicted me at every turn. No matter what I say, they will find a way to disagree with me.

There are some people who put out an icky vibe. Just being in the same room with them leaves me feeling like crap.

I have been given the silent treatment. They refuse to speak to me directly. Like I said in my original post, the person will go through other people instead of speaking to me directly.



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18 Jul 2018, 4:03 pm

Passive Aggressive Behavior I have dealt with in experiences

1. I had a crush on a friend in high school who was dating someone else and first, he said I could ride with them to the prom. He wasn't interested in me and wanted the night to be special with his girlfriend. She was also really controlling as well. However, he was too embarrassed to tell me so he made it up that his mom was under lots of stress and couldn't deal with both his and my hyperactivity on the ride there.

2. There was a guy on a bus who didn't understand me because I did things that he thought he thought were weird. So I went to sit down and I got "I have a cold." Yet, he let other people sit with him.

1. The mother of a childhood friend was supposed to pick me up and for my friend's birthday but there was one problem.
A. She lived all the way across town She was going to drive in the opposite direction
B. She was driving in the opposite direction to a campground
Despite that she promised my mom she was coming and never showed up. When I called her, I got "I can't come to pick you up. I can only drive up to a half a mile. It's my tiredness. Can your mom do it?"

3. My childhood friend and I had grown apart but touched base a few times though she wasn't that interested. The first time I tried to make it work and she kept gerbiling me. "Can you call me back in the next 15 minutes? I have such and such to do." When I would call back she was not there.

4. As I mentioned, I had invited my boss to the housewarming party but didn't didn't RSVP to the invite. Rather, she dropped a hint, "Have a good time at your party."

5. There was a man who had done a project with me years ago and we worked together a few times while promising we would get together each week to do another project. When it came right down to it, I was always the one reaching out and it was, "We'll have to do it next week I am going out of town for work. I will have to get going on my end of the project yet never did. Yet, he did it. Rather, he led me on by saying that
A. His computer was broken
B. He in the middle of bad marriage conflict
C. He could lose their house
I found out later that he didn't like the content that I had to offer but could tell everyone else but me.

6. At the last place of worship, I went to a women's gathering at one of their houses. The mother there happened to have a son with Asperger's too. I think he really wanted me to be there so he asked, "Are you going to the surprise party of such and such?" I didn't know anything about it. So when his wife brought it up, I jokingly said, "I am out of the loop when it comes to things like this." She said, "You were always invited and I meant to invite you but every time I tried to give you an invitation, he kept following me." Then she accused me of being "Lonely" and that if I want to be involved, just reach out.

7. I was promised that position in the spring which didn't pan out because they figured that I had moved on with my life. They led me around too by saying they were going to call me when they were ready and never did. When I reached out again, one of them said, "It might be a little longer" and that they didn't know when they could take me. The other called me and it was "Oh man, we this sudden inflation that hit us so we have to pay that off plus I am going on vacation in May. We will have to wait until June."

While most people are willing to put up with passive aggressiveness from other people, I am not one who does. In fact, there have been countless times where I let them know that I am not okay with it.



ladyelaine
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21 Jul 2018, 11:09 am

I end it with people who pull all the passive aggressive behavior that we have described.



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22 Jul 2018, 4:50 am

My mom's passive aggressive. One of her characteristics is turning down offers to help & then complaining about how she's doing stuff herself


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ladyelaine
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22 Jul 2018, 10:54 am

Nick, your mom makes me think of the PTA moms that hog up all the volunteering opportunities and then whine and moan about how they are stuck doing everything.



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22 Jul 2018, 11:26 am

ladyelaine wrote:
Nick, your mom makes me think of the PTA moms that hog up all the volunteering opportunities and then whine and moan about how they are stuck doing everything.
That's a good example of how she is. She brings a lot of things on herself that don't really need to get done but she feels like they do.


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23 Jul 2018, 1:34 pm

ladyelaine wrote:
I end it with people who pull all the passive aggressive behavior that we have described.


Because I am not okay with passive-aggressive behavior next to being outspoken and honest, I often get nasty backlash from people.

Examples
1. I confronted that broker and it was "This isn't a good email. I understand that you are frustrated but this is an email that my business partner and I should never have to see."
2. I confronted that guy who broke his promise about working on the project with me and it was "You have a right to be angry with me and you are right because I am sorry. However, you don't have to lash out at me." What?
3. There was a lady who kept saying we were "Best friends" but she never lived up to that title due to being unreliable and always having excuses. On a few occasions, I got tired of it and confronted her only to get a very explosive response. "I don't appreciate what you just told me. I have a busy life and I have problems and if you can't accept then our relationship is over." :lol:



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23 Jul 2018, 1:59 pm

I must be passive-aggressive because I just went out for groceries on a sickeningly hot and humid day. It was, as usual, the first time I left the apartment since Thursday. I was a sweaty mess by the time I was finished even though the place was air-conditioned, I hate my new "smart" phone so much, just attempting to make a simple phone call made me feel stupid and stuck in the 1980s, and then finally when my mother arrives she confuses me with where she wants me to put the groceries in her car. That's when I suddenly just blew up and ran into a store, screaming at my mom to leave me alone. After a minute or so she comes in, and since I needed her to drive me back so I can take my groceries into my apartment, I had zero choice but to go. We drove back in complete silence. She didn't even say goodbye when she left.

So there you go. My life is empty and pointless, and I hate the summer heat and my phone so much I upset the only person who is actually still a real part of my life.



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23 Jul 2018, 2:33 pm

lostonearth35 wrote:
I must be passive-aggressive because I just went out for groceries on a sickeningly hot and humid day. It was, as usual, the first time I left the apartment since Thursday. I was a sweaty mess by the time I was finished even though the place was air-conditioned, I hate my new "smart" phone so much, just attempting to make a simple phone call made me feel stupid and stuck in the 1980s, and then finally when my mother arrives she confuses me with where she wants me to put the groceries in her car. That's when I suddenly just blew up and ran into a store, screaming at my mom to leave me alone. After a minute or so she comes in, and since I needed her to drive me back so I can take my groceries into my apartment, I had zero choices but to go. We drove back in complete silence. She didn't even say goodbye when she left.

So there you go. My life is empty and pointless, and I hate the summer heat and my phone so much I upset the only person who is actually still a real part of my life.


Yes, I understand why you got upset with her. Do you have any other friends who you can call a neighbor? If you maybe contact?



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23 Jul 2018, 3:22 pm

Passive-aggressive behavior is a beautiful art :D


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ladyelaine
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23 Jul 2018, 4:04 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
ladyelaine wrote:
I end it with people who pull all the passive aggressive behavior that we have described.


Because I am not okay with passive-aggressive behavior next to being outspoken and honest, I often get nasty backlash from people.

Examples
1. I confronted that broker and it was "This isn't a good email. I understand that you are frustrated but this is an email that my business partner and I should never have to see."
2. I confronted that guy who broke his promise about working on the project with me and it was "You have a right to be angry with me and you are right because I am sorry. However, you don't have to lash out at me." What?
3. There was a lady who kept saying we were "Best friends" but she never lived up to that title due to being unreliable and always having excuses. On a few occasions, I got tired of it and confronted her only to get a very explosive response. "I don't appreciate what you just told me. I have a busy life and I have problems and if you can't accept then our relationship is over." :lol:


People do not like to be called on their crap. They always turn it around on us and make it seem like we are in the wrong. I guess that's what we get for trying to stick up for ourselves.



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23 Jul 2018, 5:03 pm

They are trying to "Blame the victim" because they are guilty but are too proud to admit it and do whatever they can tp protect themselves. They are also embarrassed because they realize we are "Onto them."

I had one woman who used to work at that warehouse job kept convincing me we were friends and that she would get together with me. This one time, she was going to call me and meet me and come to a New Year's Party and never called though she was supposedly in the area.

When I confronted her, she got really defensive and shouted, "I left my phone at home," my thoughts were excused me for breathing.

Then when my ex-friend was showed signs of not being interested in me during a housewarming party by being disrespectful in my house because she "Felt out of place," I wrote about it on facebook subtly which she says was the final straw to rejecting me.



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23 Jul 2018, 5:26 pm

Keep in mind the winner makes the rules. If they succeed in blaming you, for all intents and purposes, you are the guilty party and they're innocents valiantly standing up to you. As far as people roll, the concepts of guilt and blame have only a very loose relationship with each person's actions; they're first and foremost yet another weapon in the fight for survival.


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