i got too comfortable too soon and told her i was an aspie

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antique_toy
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05 May 2010, 4:07 am

i met up with an acquiantance to get coffee a couple of days ago and this was only our second time hanging out. we were talking about dating and guys we were seeing at the time and it somehow led to me telling her i have asperger's. as soon as i told her that, she started feeling uncomfortable... i could just tell she was weirded out. she talked about how she had an autistic girl in one of her classes in high school and then asked me questions about my aspergers just to make it seem like what i said was less weird and out of line. i think she only noticed my aspie-ness after i told her because i could tell she thought i was kind of ridiculous and she started speaking to me in a way that made me feel like she thought i was stupid. it was pretty loud/crowded in the shop so i asked her if she wanted to go outside. she said yes, and when we were outside she made a beeline for her car. (ok, she didnt literally run to her car, but she was like, "well it was nice seeing you. call me if you want to talk about life/practice job interviewing with me" and i was like "oh-kay. bye" and she just walked away.
sigh. i doubt i'll ever hear from her again.



Last edited by antique_toy on 05 May 2010, 6:56 am, edited 1 time in total.

kip
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05 May 2010, 4:13 am

I swear, some people think AS is contagious. That girl was pretty rude, I'm sorry she did that to you.


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Chronos
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05 May 2010, 4:18 am

antique_toy wrote:
i met up with an acquiantance to get coffee a couple of days ago and this was only our second time hanging out. we were talking about dating and guys we were seeing at the time and it somehow led to me telling her i have asperger's. as soon as i told her that, she started feeling uncomfortable... i could just tell she was weirded out. she talked about how she had an autistic girl in one of her classes in high school and then asked me questions about my aspergers just to make it seem like what i said was less weird and out of line. i think she only noticed my aspie-ness after i told her because i could tell she thought i was kind of ridiculous and she started talking to me like i was mentally challenged. it was pretty loud/crowded in the shop so i asked her if she wanted to go outside. she said yes, and when we were outside she made a beeline for her car. (ok, she didnt literally run to her car, but she was like, "well it was nice seeing you. call me if you want to talk about life/practice job interviewing with me" and i was like "oh-kay. bye" and she just walked away.
sigh. i doubt i'll ever hear from her again.


What do they call that disorder where people get really uncomfortable around those who they think aren't just like them and where they have massive breakdowns if reality intrudes into their narrow ideal of the world? Oh yeah; Neurotypical Disorder.

Next time you see her you better speak really slowly. I hear they have a hard time understanding things.



BeauZa
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05 May 2010, 6:26 am

[quote="Chronos]What do they call that disorder where people get really uncomfortable around those who they think aren't just like them and where they have massive breakdowns if reality intrudes into their narrow ideal of the world? Oh yeah; Neurotypical Disorder.

Next time you see her you better speak really slowly. I hear they have a hard time understanding things.[/quote]

Ohh snap.

antique_toy, the best thing may be just to give it time; connect with other friends or acquaintances for a while and come back to her ssome time later on. You never know, man, she just might really regret what she said and be willing to apologise, at least after some time of thought. ;)


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antique_toy
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05 May 2010, 6:53 am

kip wrote:
I swear, some people think AS is contagious. That girl was pretty rude, I'm sorry she did that to you.

I couldn't tell if she was being rude. Women are a lot better at faking being polite than men and often feign friendliness so it's so hard to tell if a girl wants to be my friend >_< usually they don't... and the only way I find this out is by their lack of contact/willingness to hang out.



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05 May 2010, 8:13 am

Here's a wild and freaky idea...
Call her on it. Call her up and after a couple of pleasantries confront her apparent discomfort (nicely) with AS... just flat out say 'It seemed like my mentioning AS made you uncomfortable. You started talking to me as if I were mentally deficient and hard of hearing, and it seemed you tried to get away as quickly as possible. Are my observations accurate?"

She'll probably lie about her reaction, but it'll show you do notice other's reactions, it'll give you control of the situation, and what the hell... what have you got to loose?

Just chalk it up to experience. :P



pschristmas
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05 May 2010, 9:08 am

It may also be that she's one of those people who need some time to process surprising information. Her only experience of an autistic person was perhaps with someone who was not as high-functioning as you are, and this experience has defined what autism is for her. Now, you've challenged that definition, just by being yourself. She's now probably pretty embarrassed about her reaction and may not know what to do. Give her a couple of days, then call her up to meet for lunch or coffee. If she agrees, great, you can talk about what made her nervous. If not, don't worry about her and move on.



spooky13
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05 May 2010, 11:34 am

If you do ask, and she's acting rude to you, just tell her "Oh btw, Aspergers is also contagious!"
Hehehe! :P


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Willard
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05 May 2010, 12:27 pm

kip wrote:
I swear, some people think AS is contagious.



8O I caught it from a greasy shopping cart. 8O




I hear it can be transmitted through the air by farting... :geek:



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05 May 2010, 10:48 pm

antique_toy wrote:
kip wrote:
I swear, some people think AS is contagious. That girl was pretty rude, I'm sorry she did that to you.

I couldn't tell if she was being rude. Women are a lot better at faking being polite than men and often feign friendliness so it's so hard to tell if a girl wants to be my friend >_< usually they don't... and the only way I find this out is by their lack of contact/willingness to hang out.


I've never understood this aspect of them.



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06 May 2010, 9:19 am

Chronos wrote:
antique_toy wrote:
kip wrote:
I swear, some people think AS is contagious. That girl was pretty rude, I'm sorry she did that to you.

I couldn't tell if she was being rude. Women are a lot better at faking being polite than men and often feign friendliness so it's so hard to tell if a girl wants to be my friend >_< usually they don't... and the only way I find this out is by their lack of contact/willingness to hang out.


I've never understood this aspect of them.


Research primates, appeasement gestures.
And some folks like to attribute the development of civilization and culture to women... it's the "knitting" of interpersonal cooperation necessary for activities that are dependent on many people contributing to a long term goal.