Preventing friends from becoming users?

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Okay, before you lambast me, know that I'm aware of the basics: let people know you feel used, call them on it, don't be too eager to give unless they reciprocate, stop giving if they don't, etc.

I'm wondering, is there anything else? Maybe, like, never admitting you feel lonely or lacking, so they don't lose respect. What works for you?

Be careful about what friends you choose.

Impose limits and stick to them. Don't let them use you. It's that simple "People let you do what you let them get away with."

I agree with this. Sticking to your guns is very important. You may end up losing that particular friend, but no big loss.

There's a thing called the 'tit for tat' principle. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tit_for_tat. Wiki will describe it better than I can. Basically do unto others as they do unto you, but don't hold grudges).

Don't call your friend out on it if you don't do anything about it. Otherwise you are telling them 'I know what you did, but for whatever reason, I feel I can't do anything about it and will still be your friend'... Nobody will change if there is no incentive, whether carrot or stick.



Nah, avoid mind games if you can. These just lead to ever-escalating attempts at emotional manipulation. Seriously, if you want to avoid being used, do as CockneyRebel suggested and pick your friends carefully and then withdraw your friendship if they seriously act out.

For minor stuff, you may want to let them 'use' you, so long as it's not the whole basis of your friendship. If you think about it, there may be times where you have 'used' them, either as a listening ear or to stave off loneliness. It really depends what 'using' means to you.