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jc6chan
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08 May 2010, 6:48 pm

Over the years, my mom always told me to make more friends. However, all my mom said was "just talk more to people". And at one time, she was training me to talk more by asking me questions and getting me to answer OR telling me to start saying something. I remember she told me "doesn't matter how foolish your conversation gets, just start saying something."

The problem is that my mom rarely taught me about "what are awkward things to say and whats not." She did tell me to make eye contact and stuff though. I'm not suggesting that my mom is doing this on purpose but I'm wondering if "telling someone to just talk" really does the trick. I have seen videos where autistics get bullied because they are not afraid to talk and so they end up saying awkward or rude things.



DonkeyBuster
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08 May 2010, 6:56 pm

It sounds like she was/is just trying to get you started and that you're on the opposite end of the talk spectrum from those who talk endlessly and monopolize a conversation.

I'd ignore YouTube for the purposes of your personal growth... rely on kindly personal feedback. Ask your mom if she'd tell you if you made really bad social goofs... I'm sure she'd let you know it wasn't OK to walk up to strangers and tell them they were fat or ugly.



jc6chan
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08 May 2010, 7:18 pm

DonkeyBuster wrote:
I'm sure she'd let you know it wasn't OK to walk up to strangers and tell them they were fat or ugly.

Oh, pfft! Thats so obvious. I'm sure 99.9% of people on WP know that. Its other not so obvious things like getting too obsessed on a topic while you fail to sense that other people are not interested. (That was just an example).



DonkeyBuster
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08 May 2010, 7:54 pm

jc6chan wrote:
DonkeyBuster wrote:
I'm sure she'd let you know it wasn't OK to walk up to strangers and tell them they were fat or ugly.

Oh, pfft! Thats so obvious. I'm sure 99.9% of people on WP know that. Its other not so obvious things like getting too obsessed on a topic while you fail to sense that other people are not interested. (That was just an example).


Well, yes that was obvious, but only to some. :)
Do you suppose first she wanted to get you going, and not to worry overmuch about the details? I mean, if you have social anxiety issues, then micromanaging your conversations would not be productive initially.



jc6chan
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08 May 2010, 8:10 pm

DonkeyBuster wrote:
jc6chan wrote:
DonkeyBuster wrote:
I'm sure she'd let you know it wasn't OK to walk up to strangers and tell them they were fat or ugly.

Oh, pfft! Thats so obvious. I'm sure 99.9% of people on WP know that. Its other not so obvious things like getting too obsessed on a topic while you fail to sense that other people are not interested. (That was just an example).


Well, yes that was obvious, but only to some. :)
Do you suppose first she wanted to get you going, and not to worry overmuch about the details? I mean, if you have social anxiety issues, then micromanaging your conversations would not be productive initially.

I don't have much anxiety. Many things that pop into my head sound "stupid and lame" and I can't think of anything normal to say. Believe me, if I said everything that popped up from my head you'd probably want me locked up in a mental institution.



EaglesSayMeow
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08 May 2010, 8:10 pm

jc6chan wrote:
Over the years, my mom always told me to make more friends. However, all my mom said was "just talk more to people". And at one time, she was training me to talk more by asking me questions and getting me to answer OR telling me to start saying something. I remember she told me "doesn't matter how foolish your conversation gets, just start saying something."

Dad taught me this too. For at least five years straight. I can assure you, you're not the only one who wasn't helped.



DonkeyBuster
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08 May 2010, 9:01 pm

jc6chan wrote:
I don't have much anxiety. Many things that pop into my head sound "stupid and lame" and I can't think of anything normal to say. Believe me, if I said everything that popped up from my head you'd probably want me locked up in a mental institution.


LOL Likewise, I'm sure. :)
I guess, given the info you've shared, I wouldn't say she'd done anything wrong as much as just didn't do anything particularly helpful.

You'll just have to rely upon your own intelligence, observations, and trial and error. Like I did.

Oh, and by the way, TV is a lousy model... :roll:
Except for maybe CSPAN... how to time and phrase questions and answers... real time people in real time business conversations.



jc6chan
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08 May 2010, 9:09 pm

DonkeyBuster wrote:
Oh, and by the way, TV is a lousy model... :roll:

Ya, like you just don't go out and stare at beautiful women in a supermarket (stare in a way that you suddenly paused your grocery shopping).

Also, modeling Family Guy is a definite no-no :lol: .



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08 May 2010, 10:11 pm

jc6chan wrote:
Also, modeling Family Guy is a definite no-no :lol: .


The wardrobe alone!! ! 8O

:lol:



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08 May 2010, 11:34 pm

Your mom didn't do anything wrong. She did the best thing she knew to do.