The Fine Art of Sticking One's Foot in One's Mouth

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When I misread a situation and make a comment that causes offense, especially with people I only know online, my first impulse is to cut and run. So is my second. And my third. I have deleted user accounts I've had for years because of a single, off-hand remark.

I know that after a horrible misunderstanding I will never be able to trust myself to say the right thing to the person again, especially if they vent their ire at me publicly, and the idea of having to talk to them again is terrifying. I'll apologize and try to explain what I meant by what I said, then defriend them or delete my account entirely.

Does anyone else find themselves doing this, or am I an extremist?

I coached myself into apathy.

I do the same thing only different. In my case I will do, or sometimes say, something that is really not appropriate and then close myself off from people - defriend them permanently as you would say. It always comes down to the feeling that living as a hermit is the only answer. After all of these years it's still the same. It always makes me feel as if I am not worthy of any relationship with others.
This is something that I have never been able to overcome completely and it has cost me LOTS of relationships. The best I can suggest is to try to learn to think before speaking. Sometimes this works for me, but usually I just don't remember to think first. Perhaps you might also try rereading a post before submitting it. This might help too. Another tactic might be to wait a bit before giving a response online. The delay might help to assure that your emotions are settled down. This helps me sometimes. Otherwise, LOL, 64+ years and I still have these problems.

I usually re-read all things I post upwards of ten times to make sure I've said what I meant to, but it's still a little hit or miss. I talked to an NT acquaintance today and told her exactly what was said and in what context, and she told me it was my online friend who had acted ridiculously.

People. Blargh.

I've had the odd few times when things have started to get... really... sour between me and a friend. In fact, it happened most recently with someone I know through the internet; as an Aspie I have much trouble figuring out other people as it is, and as soon as I feel like I've grasped how to act towards people that appear to be sad or troubled... now this friend is surely different! She didn't want help with her problem, which came as an absurdity to me and the confusion elevated into anger which made me say some pretty terrible things that, by the end of it all, made me want to vomit more than I ever have.
I heavily apologised later, telling her I didn't mean it, and we're going to keep trying with each other, although I still sense unease in her...

there's an old saying [not that i've paid particular heed to it] that goes, "better to keep one's mouth closed and thought daft about, than to open it and remove all doubt." short of this, just say to others what you would want them to say to and about you. if you keep the golden rule aforethought, then the likelyhood of verbal gaffes diminishes somewhat.

I don't understand the phrase you mention. What does putting your foot in your mouth have to do with being rude?

Anyway, I think there's no need to delete accounts because of one mistake. This account would be gone if I did that and I suspect almost everyone would be making new accounts every month or so. It's hard not to be rude sometimes, you might be in a bad mood, tired or just angry. Don't be so hard on yourself, if it gets too bad you could simply ignore the other person and leave the thread causing the problems, no need to leave the entire site.

Ah yes, foot in mouth disease, meet a long-term sufferer.

About 1984 I was working as a bank cashier and every week at 10am a little old lady would come into the bank and draw out twenty bucks from her savings to top up her pension. We all knew her and she knew all of us behind the armored glass. So, one morning she comes in and draws out four hundred bucks.

Mrs W "Four hundred please young Mr Slice"

Slice (after checking that this was OK) "That's a lot of money Mrs W, hope you're doing something nice with the money"

Mrs W "It's to pay for my husband's funeral"

Yep one of those genuine moments when you hope that the ground will just open up and swallow you.

Vanilla_Slice