No friends, just acquaintances

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Hi

Ok so I think I'm an aspie, I'm not sure yet, I've just read what is Asperger's a few hours ago. Sorry for my bad english, i'm french

So here's my (long) story :

I don't know how to make friends. It's like that since my childhood. I don't hang out with people I know, and when I hang out with someone, I may do it one time or twice, but never more than that...

8 months ago I started college, and I made some acquaintances quite fast. I went at school every morning, said hi, talked a little bit. But, there was something weird. For exemple, when they went to the university' "restaurant", they always asked each other, but not me. Or sometimes I asked them, you know, trying to make friends. So I eat with them, speak about things, listen to them, trying to be "normal". And I thought it was working.

But then there is the "hanging out" thing that doesn't work. My acquaintances never asked me "hey do you want to go to this party, or do you want to go to this bar". Never, not once. And they have a bunch of friends. Often, they knew each other and were friends and hanged out together, but never asked me. Sometimes they were speaking in front of me of some party, and didn't invite me. And I feel weird asking "Hey, there's a party ? Can I come ?". I'm not even sure this is "socially acceptable" or if that would be even weirder...

So I tried to ask them to go to some bar or something. But they told me "Oh no, we're going to study tonight", or that they had better things to do. Well, that's fine. I thought : well, now, they know that I want to make friends, that I'm not associal, that I was to see them outside of school, so they'll invite me to parties or to hang out...

But it never happened. I never went to any party for 4 months, but I perfectly know that there were many. And then they gradually stopped asking me to have lunch with them. When I had lunch with them, it was only because I followed them. I had the feeling that they tolerated my presence, that they didn't like me, and that they smiled at me and were nice.... not to offend me !

Of course, none of them ever asked me to go to the cinema or to... mcdonald or something.

This semester, there was the birthday party of one of my acquaintance, the guy who is the closest to me (and I see him once every 3 months), and I went there. So there's a big problem with party. I hate dancing, it physically hurts me. I don't like the music they play. I don't like people who are so drunk they puke everywhere.
But whatever, I went to his birthday party, I tried to speak about cusual things... but of course I also spoke about philosophy and politics... (I don't like speaking about anything else than sciences, philosophy, sociology etc.) !

So during this party I talked for the first time to people who are in the same course of study as me, and who are the group of friends of the guy who invited me to his birthday party. AFTER the birthday party, they IGNORED me. I don't get it. During the party they were very nice. But once day I said "hi" to 2 of them, 2 others came and didn't say a word to me. WTF ?



So I could write 200 pages about how I have no social life and I feel rejected by everybody.

But I wonder WHY I'm rejected. Is it because I'm not trying hard enough to have friends ? (Again, I have absolutly no idea how to have friends, I never had a true friend...) Or because I'm just weird ? But I'm really trying not to be weird, I'm trying to speak about casual things, but that doesn't seem to work. When I try to look at people in their eyes while speaking to them, I feel some hostility in their eyes, like they don't want me to speak to them... but I'm not sure if it's an invention of my mind, just as when I walk in the street and I feel everybody looking at me.

Is it because I speak about "intelligent" stuff ? I've heard some people telling me that outside school, I shouldn't speak about "school things" like philosophy, sciences etc. But when I try to speak about something else, I'm almost certain that they KNOW that it's not natural, that I'm forcing myself to speak about it. Whenever I speak about things I like, I can do a 20 minutes long monologue, but when it comes to things I don't like, then I'm lost, and generally I do bad jokes (or good one but that I'm the only one to understand...)


I don't even know why I'm posting this... well if you can help me or tell how your social life is le emptiness...

You know, your post sounds a lot like my life.

I am very active in my church and local politics. Yet, I do not have any close friends, but hundreds of acquaintances. I rarely get invited to social events outside of activities at church, or public political activities. In my 15 years out of high school, I can count on one hand the number of weddings or personal events that I have been to.

One thing that I have learned in life is that when you get older, the all encompassing friend is no longer a possibilty. My friends are more acquaintances from work, church, volunteer and politcial activites and the neighborhood. I only see these people when I am involved in that particular venue of activity or when I run into them at the grocery store. Even the people that I was close to earlier in life have become acquaintances.

I've just gotten used to the fact these people I'm around will be acquaintances and nothing more. You just know when and where to see them, what to say to them, and don't expect much more beyond that.

Or that's where I have gotten anyway.

I am completely awkward in most social scenarios. I have never connected with my peers, due largely in part to my complete distaste for "age appropriate" activities (at the current time, most of my peers enjoy dancing and drinking, I can't stand either activity).

I have always connected more with people older than myself, but only intellectually.
It is difficult to connect with them on a social level due to unequal life experiences (since I lack relationships, marriage, children, etc).

I would like to have a meaningful friendship or relationship but can never even begin to connect with acquaintances on a deeper level.

But why is it like that ? I mean there must be an explaination ? It's not like I'm not trying to have friends !

I've had acquaintances, for years, until the late fall of 2006. I also connect with people who are older than me, on a nostalgic level. I've always been an old soul.