How to greet women

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Not sure where to put this. It's more of a general social question than a Love and Dating one, though it may be relevant there.

The other day I met my mother's new home help, and I just went and shook her hand. Is that normal? I think she felt it was a bit strange. How are men typically supposed to greet women? I feel it's good to get some positive physical contact in early on. I can't go around kissing their hands or something.

Should I stick to nods and smiles? Or is it perfectly acceptable to shake hands, and I'm reading something into it that wasn't there? I guess that in a business situation it's okay.

Also, how do you greet a date that you don't know very well yet?

Am I just a pervert for wanting to touch people all the time?

Here we do it this way: when you meet a lady, it is her privilege to offer her hand to shake it. If she feels no need for that, then just smile and introduce yourself. If she wants to shake hands (getting more normal nowadays), then she will initiate the handshake, and you two shake hands. In this case it is very important, that you must not hold her hand any stronger than she holds yours. Also, it's important for NT's to look into their eyes while you shake hands. Extremely hard for me, and I usually don't do that unless it is somewhat business related. But in that case I can't pay attention to what the lady says about her name...



I think this is totally up to you. Don't pretend to be someone else. If that other one looks some serious type businesswoman, she will not want to kiss you probably but shake hands. But if both of you are just plain silly folks, then you can do whatever you want. Actually when I met my fiancee some 6.5 years ago in real (it was a cyber-friendship first), dunno why, but I pretended to be cross-eyed. It was a good thing to laugh at when finally I showed her that I'm not like that. (sorry for the cross-eyed people, this is not to insult them)



I think this depends on the culture you live in. For example here we don't touch other guys apart from handshakes, while I often see in US movies that guys hug and such.

Some advice from Cassetteboy

Cassette Boy Track 27 Dead Horse link (Cause its not on youtube for some reason)

I bet she couldn't help falling in love with you with a first impression like that.

Moog, I agree with everything starquake said. Socially, women don't have to shake hands. It's sort of a liberty where men seem to have less of a choice. In a business context I think it's usually expected, but not a faux pas if the man doesn't shake a woman's hand in deference to the social convention.

In NY, among friends, men and women usually greeted each other with hugs, rarely with handshakes. Where I live now, there's way less hugging and usually a guy will just nod and say hello to a woman to which she usually responds with a smile if it's a group setting and "hello" if they're one on one. For a date you don't know well, that's how I'd greet her but as soon as you see her you should say something like, "you look very nice". It's sort of the verbal way to let her know that you're thinking of her in more than a friend way but by refraining from hugging right away you're also letting her know you won't be pushy and that you're not desperate/clingy.

If you are unsure how to greet someone, a smile, accompanied by a "Nice to meet you." will always work. Handshakes are nice and platonic, but I've found that it is more common for men to shake hands then women (but please, don't generalize).

I try to keep my greetings pretty consistent for any human being I happen to meet.

I typically try to just watch for the other person to move in for any physical greeting, and reciprocate whatever they seem to think is appropriate. In some situations, that's no physical contact, in others it's a handshake, and in some, it's a hug. Frequently, it ends up being slightly awkward because my timing is off (since I waited to see what they would do first), but I make up for it with a smile (kind of a silent laughing at myself... "ha, silly me, don't know what I'm thinking") and usually they don't seem bothered. (I get bothered by it, but that smile is critical; they don't seem to have a negative impression as long as I can hold the smile until something else happens, usually small talk, also difficult, but easier for me to apply rote knowledge of the rules.)

Thanks guys, good advice all round. I have been educated.

I'm terrible at greeting people. I used to go food shopping with my mother when I was younger and still lived with my parents, and sometimes she used to run into a friend of hers in the shop. She would introduce me to them, and I would usually shake their hand, and I always got the sense they found that strange too. It didn't stop me from doing it, though . . . for my part, I feel reassured when someone shakes my hand, provided their hand isn't all dirty or sweaty.

Nah, you're NOT a perv... are you?
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She has a business relationship with your mother. I believe shaking her hand is a show of respect.
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Whenever I worked as a executive assistant/personal assistant/security, most business people shook my hand at first and later, once they were familar they would grab me and hug me. The one's who didn't were from the Middle East.
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Around here where I live, whenever I pass men on the street, we all nod to each other like it's some kinda secret ghetto code.
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I believe you're on your on with how to greet your date. It depends on her mood, the environment, how close you two are. It would be difficult for me to say.
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TaupeyAna

I'm sure most would respond to this question with something along the lines of: "Only if you want me to be."

...Or perhaps I'm the only one who would say a thing like that.

Actually I stopped the elevator doors for an old woman (between 60 and 400 years old, probably) and she said "Thank you" and offered a "fist bump." It was pretty funny. I accepted. I imagine there would be a decrease in germs transmitted, and it requires only minimal, brief contact.
I still skulk behind my parents when introduced to someone new ..sort of in the manner of a three year old

Right, Moog said "Should I stick to nods and smiles? Or is it perfectly acceptable to shake hands, and I'm reading something into it that wasn't there? I guess that in a business situation it's okay."

I've never had a job but I'd say if you meet someone you don't know at work - make eye contact briefly and shake hands whereas if you're not at work and want to get to know them I've learnt that you should use social skills. The social skills you should use here are mainting good eye contact but don't stare, say "Hello, how are you?" and ask introductory questions i.e "what's your name", "what are you employed as", "what town/city do you live in" etc.

As far as dating is concerned I've never had any experience at that so am not going to give advice so that I don't give bad advice but what I'm about to say might help.

Moog also said: "Am I just a pervert for wanting to touch people all the time?"

I actually have an opinion on the term "pervert". I think it's too severe and also unnatural. In my opinion the urges and lust directed at someone you find physically attractive are just basic human biology and sexuality, do you think that when Adam wanted to do things with Eve that Eve got angry with him? I think that in today's society the need for people of both genders to be ready to be touched on their privates before it happens stems from the fact that sex is taboo in Western culture. However I think that in today's society the other person does have to be ready and give their consent before you can touch them. I can totally understand your desire to touch all the time Moog becuase sexual touching produces physical pleasure.

I think the current system works though, it's very frustrating if you're single or in a relationship with a prude but if it was allowed, if sex hadn't've become taboo, if women didn't get frightened by sudden touch, there would be fights all over the place, competitions over who gets to touch but I still maintain that sexual urges, lust and admiration of the body of someone you find attractive aren't perverse and you shouldn't be called a pervert, I still maintain that they are just part of basic human biology and sexuality. For example I have read that adults in Italy check each other out while walking down the street, even if they don't know them.

Finally apparently there are these things that neurotypicals know about men and women that people on the spectrum don't, (including me) BUT you just can't ignore the fact that humans have animal instincts to some extent and I don't mean that in a bad way. That's why I like the idea of a fling or a casual relationship.