Page 1 of 2 [ 22 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

NegativeNancyboy
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 29 May 2010
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 32
Location: Minnesota, USA

30 May 2010, 4:17 pm

I suppose I have always been very affectionate in a serious relationship, but just recently I realized I would really like to be more physically affectionate with regular friends and such, too (Right now I am pretty much zero touching with friends). I think I never acted on this before because I was terrified of making a mistake...and when it comes to touching someone else, the stakes seem so much higher.

So it dawned on me today that this could partially be AS related -- the worry about social cues?

How affectionate are you? And how do you think AS may have affected that?


_________________
Male 39
Laugh Learn Live Love


Michhsta
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Dec 2009
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 501
Location: Australia

30 May 2010, 4:27 pm

I am not affectionate at all and find physical contact quite painful at times, but nice firm hug from my fiance or an arm draped across my shoulders from a mate that doesn't linger is fine with me and can give me a great feeling of togetherness. But that is all I need. My fiance is very affectionate which is a good lesson for me and he accepts that I am not. I am a very warm person though and like to try and comfort people if they are sad or sick.

I am not sure about how much is AS(I have meltdowns if my head is touched) or remnants of a nasty childhood. I used to beat myself up that I was not as affectionate as others, and felt that I was missing some core expression of the human condition, but I am getting there with accepting that that is just how I am.

I am practising crying a bit more and asking for hugs a bit more. It can be quite liberating.

Good luck and love yourself anyway,

Mics


_________________
Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care.
http://thedemonrun.wordpress.com/


PlatedDrake
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 Aug 2009
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,365
Location: Piedmont Region, NC, USA

30 May 2010, 5:47 pm

Im not very physically inclined either due to sensory issues (light touches feel like someone sticking my finger in a power outlet . . . especially around my back <shiver>). A lot of our nuances could be attributed to sensory actually since we're taking in, or not filtering, constant environment information (light, sound, touch are the three big ones, followed by smell, then taste). Bout the best you can do is wear ear plugs and sunglasses and hope for the best when out and about.



auntblabby
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 86,134
Location: the island of defective toy santas

30 May 2010, 11:23 pm

i suppose if i had people in my life who valued and appreciated me, i'd be affectionate with them. i crave warm fuzzies meself.



CockneyRebel
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 103,199
Location: Hanging out with my fellow Sweet Peas at Stalag 13

31 May 2010, 5:59 pm

I'm a very affectionate person. I love to give and receive hugs. I also like appropriate touching, as well. :O)


_________________
Schultz

viewtopic.php?f=11&t=26&start=645


GammaGeek
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 25 May 2010
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Posts: 532
Location: Mars

31 May 2010, 7:05 pm

I would say I'm kinda affectionate, but I don't like people just randomly hugging/poking/touching me without saying they will first. And I also am horrible with my friends touching me. Usually its just my arms and hair that people poke at, but I really cant take that. I really wish I could be more affectionate, but I guess I really just dont know how to be lol.



clumsybee
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 May 2010
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 398
Location: Syracuse, NY

31 May 2010, 8:34 pm

I'm not really good with being affectionate in any sense of the word. Certain touches can really hurt, but I didn't know that could be from Asperger's. I thought it was just from my fibromyalgia. Huh... having both together can't help the sensory issues. :?

This reminds me of a long time ago... I remember a friend tried showing me how to flirt and it involved her playing with her hands the entire time in OCD fashion, at least that's what I thought. She tried explaining to me all the signs of affection but I really didn't get it. Others also commented that I was awful at the personal space aspect of flirting along with everything else. It all makes sense now, but my senior class still thinks I'm a freak after the news spread. :alien:



Descartes
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Apr 2008
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,154
Location: Arlington, Texas

31 May 2010, 10:16 pm

How affectionate I am depends on the person I'm with, I guess. I don't mind hugging friends, and I don't mind touching either. I'm probably more physically affectionate than I am emotionally.



GoatOnFire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,149
Location: Den of the ecdysiasts

01 Jun 2010, 1:44 am

I affectionately readjust the gag on the mouth of whatever friend I have locked in my trunk if it is making them uncomfortable.

But seriously, I'm not good at giving affection. I don't really receive any so I'm not sure how well I would take it.


_________________
I will befriend the friendless, help the helpless, and defeat... the feetless?


MONKEY
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Jan 2009
Age: 26
Gender: Female
Posts: 9,896
Location: Stoke, England (sometimes :P)

01 Jun 2010, 7:09 am

Not very. I don't usually give affection to people, I can receive it without much hassle. But I don't like hugs that much, I don't like touchy feely people that much, I will hug someone back if they initiate but I don't usually like it and give a "huglet" with one arm and that's it. I'm not too bad with touches though, I'm fine if someone puts their hand on my shoulder as long as the touch isn't prolonged, I prefer quick ones.
I've always been reluctant to touch other people and I'm quite awkward when it comes to stuff like that.
I don't give much verbal affection either like reminding people how much I like them, even if my feelings for that person are very affectionate.


_________________
What film do atheists watch on Christmas?
Coincidence on 34th street.


Ferdinand
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Feb 2010
Age: 24
Gender: Male
Posts: 4,332
Location: America

01 Jun 2010, 8:53 am

CockneyRebel wrote:
I'm a very affectionate person. I love to give and receive hugs. I also like appropriate touching, as well. :O)


*hug*

I love hugs.


_________________
It don't take no Sherlock Holmes to see it's a little different around here.


sarek
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 18 Apr 2010
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 190
Location: Noord-Holland or thereabouts

01 Jun 2010, 9:00 am

I am not a hugger at all. I makes me uncomfortable, also among friends.

The only exceptions are my closest loved ones. Just my mum and my gf actually.

Especially with my gf I am extremely affectionate. We live far apart and whenever we are together there is barely a single minute we are not touching in some way.


_________________
It is time
To break the chains of life
If you follow you will see
What beyond reality


Homer_Bob
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jan 2009
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,551
Location: New England

01 Jun 2010, 8:09 pm

Not very much, the reason is because I really have no reason to be affectionate with anyone.


_________________
"The less I know about other people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. The best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes."


marshall
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,000
Location: Turkey

01 Jun 2010, 9:38 pm

I find it easier to be affectionate with animals. They're easy to please. I can quickly learn exactly how a dog or cat likes to be petted/held. People intimidate me for some reason, even little babies.



CrinklyCrustacean
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Mar 2009
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,284

03 Jun 2010, 5:22 am

I'm not terribly physical either, although I'm getting better at hugs. I'm currently taking some ballroom dancing lessons with some friends of mine and although we're friends, holding hands with a girl and standing that close to her is...um...uncomfortable. :oops:

And that's even without having to look her in the eyes... :lol: