autism in the round

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Okay, so I have a confession to make.

My social problems are crippling. The day-to-day human interaction currently required of me are killing me.

But... If I only have to interact with other people for 2 hours a week and I'm in a well-defined role, where I can control the conversation, I can pass myself off as witty, charming, and personable (if slightly eccentric). It's pure performance, but it's pretty convincing.

I am not a team player. I've always loathed group projects or being forced to interact with others at all. The only small exception has been plays or other performances. I was Peter Rabbit in a kindergarten play and my parents encouraged my interest in acting. They sent me to a summer drama program years later. My interest and participation in performance art and the like continued in college.

This has probably been my best coping mechanism. I can interview well, with enough preparation. I still can't read body language in real time, but I can kinda sorta fake an exaggerated version of it in certain roles, and I know how to carry myself in a confidant way.

I've read that there are at least a few professional actors with AS--Dan Akroyd was one, I believe. But are there any others, like me, with just hard earned acting skills to get themselves in trouble?

That's part of why I was able to admit to myself I had AS--I spent over two years studying up on psychology and Myers-Briggs, Emily Post, all that stuff and I still can't do the spontaneous human interactions well at all. If people didn't insist on social chit-chat I could almost pull it off with herculean efforts, but when you see the same people every day it always happens. There should be some sort of Oscar for best NT! If I could be alone 166/168 hours of the week, I'd pull off an Oscar-winning performance in the other 2.

There is an interesting movie...."Autism: The Musical" children's acting workshop for young children with autism.

Is there an acting group for someone your age?

Oh, I'm sorry let me clarify--I enjoyed it more than other interactions with people. I'd still rather be alone. But if I'm going to be around others then it's just easier when everyone is pretending to be someone else.

I will check out the movie!

I can totally relate....I plan for 2 hours to dicuss something with someone...trying to anticipate what will be said and how I will respond. It never goes as planned. Real time convo is really frustrating to convey what I really feel needs to be said. I prefer the written word any day. But things that I do to cope is to realize 90 percent of the time...the convo is casual and not life changing therefore if I screw up, in the end....it probably did not matter anyway. And in a weird way, the less importance you have on a conversation....the less anxiety...therefore the more relaxed you can be and your brain can function better under less stress. Stress is a killer for the autistic brain...stress can cause your brain to "shutdown" in that it wont work properly. So if you know that you are going to engage in convo, I suggest finding a way to fully relax first. A good book on mindfulness meditation is "the miracle of mindfulness"...by Thich Knat Hahn

best wishes,

Jojo