Weird jealous possessive reaction

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I recently made a new friend. I'm not particularly close to this person, but for a few weeks we were hanging out regularly at her place. I have difficultly making friends with NT women, and felt half uncomfortable every time I was with her. You know, "am I too loud", "am I talking to much", "am I not looking in her face enough", which is a constant conversation I've had in my head since I can remember. I struggle in these kinds of friendships and feel like I'm reigning myself in and behaving "normal" which of course means "not like myself."

Today I saw my new friend making another new friend, and inviting this new person over to her house to hang out. I had this bizarre reaction where I felt jealous of this new person. It's a feeling I recognize from childhood, and I'm trying to determine why I felt this way, since I halfway don't even like hanging out with her because it makes me feel weird.

I thought maybe it's because on some level maybe I feel cheated that I don't have a normal relationship with people and I watched two NT women immediately click and chat? Or maybe I'm not jealous at all but relieved since now I'm off the hook?

I don't have this reaction with my other friends... but they tend to be a whole lot like me of course..... Anyone else have this reaction?

sometimes i feel left out when people do things without me, even though i have no desire to do whatever it is that they're doing. i guess it would be nice to be invited.

I hadn't thought of that but you're right- it's not like I wanted to be there with them (like an off kilter third wheel??) but it's more like that reaction from 3rd grade where no one wanted me on their team and I felt left out.

I know about this quite well. I had a situation in middle school which I felt this way toward a friend. Sadly, the event has branded me by my classmates ever since.

When I was in about the 7th grade, I had a friend that I hung out almost every night after school. He started going out for sports, in which he didn't spend as much time with me. I felt like he was abandoning me, even though we still did frequent things together. One day in class, I decide to grab onto him and throw a temper tantrum about him going out for sports and not spending enough time with me. Ever since I did this, my classmates have branded me as "gay" and by other monikers for homosexual.

Even though this happened 20 years ago, I wonder if it had to do both with feeling like I was being abandonded and the fact that I was totally obsessed with my friend (one of the first close friends I ever had). I still sometimes have this feelings, but have also come to realize that people have lives of their own.