passionatebach wrote:
Sparrowrose wrote:
I hate it when people just show up at my door without planning it out with me first. If I told someone I was busy or otherwise didn't want them to come over, whether I really was busy or whether I was saving my energy for some responsiblity I had to take care of later or whatever, I'd be pretty distressed if they just showed up anyway.
I have to prepare myself to interact with people and if someone just shows up at my door and I interact with them -- especially if it is an interaction with conflict, such as me telling them that I said I wouldn't be able to spend time with them and they have to go away -- I can experience physical and emotional stress symptoms for many hours afterwards.
My favorite apartment was one with a security door entrance and no doorbell buzzers by it. If someone wanted to come visit me, they had no choice but to arrange it with me because otherwise they couldn't get up to my apartment door.
I like people (at least some of them) and I like to spend time with them. But my home is my sacred safe space where I can be alone and unmolested if I need time away from the world. People who try to just drop by get the situation explained to them the first time. If they do it again anyway, they have shown me that I can't trust them to listen to and respect my needs and they get dropped as a friend.
This might also explain why people treat me the same when I can them on the phone. When I call acquaintances that are my age, they also tell me they are busy, or that they can't talk right now.
I don't know, since I don't use the phone. I see a lot of people on campus using their phones, though. Most people, in fact. If you walk across the quad, over half the people are talking to someone on the phone.
Quote:
Even though NTs have supposed normal social skills, they can get very much this way as well. It takes a lot of preperation to get your home ready for a visiit.
Strangely enough, the only person who is very open to drop in visits is my Aspie best friend.
That might also have to do with the closeness of the friendship. When I have been very close to a particular individual, I didn't mind that person coming over unannounced, so long as they understood that some days I might not have enough personal resources to visit but most days they could come on in. But it's always been one person at a time that I feel that way about and often there's no one that close in my life.
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"In the end, we decide if we're remembered for what happened to us or for what we did with it."
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25 Jun 2010, 3:00 pm
I won't invite anyone to anything except for maybe one or sometimes two people I trust. Usually just one person. If someone asks me.. well, it has to be in advance (at least two days, preferably a week.)
