gender/friendships

Post Reply New Topic

I can't understand why with certain people, opposite genders can't be friends. Does it start with how a child is taught? Now, my son who is 11 has a female friend. Just because he wouldn't return a kiss, she doesn't want to be his friend anymore. I asked him why he didn't kiss her back. His reply: "Well, what for? If she wants the rest , I'll have to marry her. I don't want to marry anybody. I can't afford it." So, what is it in a child's upbringing to where they can't see the opposite gender as being a friend? Why must the opposite gender always have to end up as a love/reproductive partner? There is a lot of equality these days. But attitudes in kids and adults as well don't reflect this. I believe that this is why people marry hastily, look for that "imaginary" chemistry, etc... There's no reality in their search for love. So, they end up sadly dissappointed after they marry. Is is from too many prince and princess stories when a kid is growing up? Also, a person should watch how their friends treat other people. Sometimes an individual might feel special because someone treats them well but treats everybody else like scrap. But what happens is this: When that indicidual loses the effect of the fantasy endorphins, they'll get that someone special out. Friendship should come before love. To get the drug effect of your natural endorphins, you need constant stimulation. This is love addiction. It has NOTHING to do with real relationships. It gets its start in childhood. So, kids should be exposed as much as possible to the opposite gender to see that they are REAL people. They'll suffer less in adulthood. There's nothing magical about the opposite sex. The magic is in your own bodies production of endorphins. It just about "you". It;s not about loving another human being. That magical feeling around the opposite sex is learned. It came from when the genders were separated to avoid problems when marriages were arranged. The magic feels good but it's not real and won't enable a relationship to endure. You'll need someone new every two weeks to stimulate your brain to make those very addictive endorphins.

I think that's true RightGalaxy. I think people fall in love with people they don't necessarily like all the time. They don't realize it until the romantic haze has cleared. They feel let own and then go looking for their next "high". In truth, it's ideal to be completely comfortable being alone before seeking love. Love should complement not complete. There are many things like this in which we as humans fail to evolve. We can split an atom but we can't figure ourselves out.

I really don't like those type of people. Especially when if I'm in a relationship with a girl, I don't want her to be jealous if I go hang out with a bunch of friends and one of them is a girl. I agree that if I go hang with just a single girl, especially if she's not like my "best friend" (which the only person that is my best friend is my girlfriend) then it would be a little awkward.

But guys can be friends with girls and vice versa without any feelings of attractiveness.

Most people I count as friends in my life were girls. I had maybe 2 male friends. I'm sorry to say, but with most of my girl friends we've ended up in the bed sooner or later. But this does not necessarily mean that we've fallen in love or something. But people who become friends usually are attracted to eachother. Most of the time of course not sexually, but they must have something in common that brought them together as friends. And I guess it is very easy to turn these feelings to love or to sexual attraction. In my case by the way, it was always my girl friends who took the first step to do something different than what friends usually do with eachother. So I don't know if there's such thing as friendship between the opposite genders. I guess there is, because with one of my best ever friends we stayed to be friends even after we had some "adult fun" . But usually one of the members gets hurt sooner or later.

Of course sexual affection is not something you have to be afraid of, but still, as kids see their parents and other people, they threat them like role models. So it's clear that a little girl will maybe want more than a friendship with a little boy, even if she knows nothing about adult stuff at all. It's just something we learn when we grow up.

Whatever, I don't know if the above comment is any useful.