Why Are You So Quiet?

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That's about the second worst thing something can say to me.

It only comes after "You need to work on your people skills" or the like.

Especially after you've been working so hard to do just that and you think you've made progress.

All the time!

NTs do that because they can't read you--they aren't getting the typical NT feedback they are expecting. In other words, they expect the normal NT nonverbal conversation but you aren't saying anything.

Women worth having don't want that type but these guys, and I hate to say this, are jerks and a large segment of the female population seems to like that kind of guy.

I have a better time having conversations with men about cars, technology and politics. I can't talk to women to save my life - most girls talk about their shopping sprees, Juicy Couture, the Kardashian tramps and Lady Gaga, and pop culture in general. However, there are a rare few women which I can hold an conversation with.

I have heard this question myself many times througout my life. Seems to me people think you're up to something if you aren't loquacious. My usual answer to the question is that I find it pointless to speak unless I really have something to say. In truth, though, I think part of it is because I actually prefer silence, and I'd rather not break it unless it's necessary.

As the old adage says: Speech is silver, but silence is golden.

If I'm quiet it's usually because I'm bored with the people I'm around and my mind is on other things. I don't have much to add when the topic of conversation is sports or television or car troubles or gossip about people I don't even know.

Even though I try to pick my company wisely and mostly consort with like minded people i still get that question often.
And after all these years my own mother has not learned the futility of asking it. Next I know I am busy explaining that NO, I am NOT ANGRY!! or depressed. Of course, by that point I AM angry!

Is there ever a good answer to this question? Or one that people will accept?

I seldom get asked why I am quiet, I get told! Mainly by teachers, too. Maybe because around my peers, I can be a right chatterbox, especially when it is trivial. But, people out of my class, I never talk to. In fact, today some 1st year students came over to me and asked why I like to read about Hitler (Spies, or what???) so I just ignored them. Maybe it is rude, but so is Spying!! !!

People constantly ask me that question.
Perhaps they ask it because they find it difficult to work out what a quiet person is thinking/feeling, and could think they are bored, sad, etc. People need to understand and accept that some people prefer to observe and listen rather than interact. Or that some people just don't have anything to say to the loud people surrounding them. Here is a nice quote: "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt".

"I am not quiet. I am currently speaking words." It becomes true as soon as you say it.



However, usually I just say that I am thinking. True. And though the explanation is more complicated than that, they probably don't really want to hear it. I'm so tired of hearing the question really... people complain when I won't stop talking and they complain when I don't talk.