Stopping someone touching you - ideas?

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I have a sister who is twelve. She is eight years younger than me and NT. She knows that I'm an Aspie and that I really hate being touched, but she touches me all the time. I really hate it. And it isn't just that she comes over and puts her hand on my arm or something (which I would hate, but wouldn't be as bad). She spends all her time grabbing me and squeezing my arms and legs and blowing raspberries on me and squishing my face. She does this for hours at a time. I get really upset and tell her over and over again to stop and sometimes I instinctively try to slap her hands away and shout, and eventually I end up nearly crying. A problem that I have is that when I get upset or anxious I make the wrong facial expressions and body language, so I will smile by accident, so I think this misleads her.

I don't know why she keeps doing it though, and why she won't stop. Does anyone have any ideas for things that I could do to stop her doing it?

I think she is probably trying to show you affection but does not realise it upsets you, since similar behaviour would not upset her.

Maybe you can explain to her or give her something to hold/hug like a fluffy toy. Maybe a silly suggestion but who knows... she is twelve.

I will try that. Hopefully it will work. The thing is, she must know that it upsets me - I've told her so many times!

Walk away, to somewhere with a closed door?

Yes, with a lock. But are you sure she isn't purposely trying to annoy you? I can see one problem with removing yourself from the situation, the child will realize that it really bothers you and you just gave them bait.

I am not sure if it is out of affection or deliberately to annoy me. In the past when I have tried removing myself from the situation, she has got very confrontational about it and then acted as if she 'won' by me leaving.

I have had a conversation with her about it today and she laughed at me a lot when I was telling her. Hopefully she will understand now though. I can imagine that she might not touch me for a day or so and then carry on after that.

I find that children of that age have very hard time controlling their impulses. In fact, demanding that she stop seems likely to only encourage her. Generally one thing that will convince someone to stop that sort of behavior is to do something in return that is as unpleasant to them as her touching is to you.

I think one of the problems for a 12 year old is that they are in a transitional state between having no power or control over their world to realizing they can have some control, albeit by annoying the crap out of people. I would guess that your sister is enjoying the fact that she can "get to you" because it gives her a feeling that she has some kind of power over someone.

Is there anything else that would give her a sense of power and control that doesn't involve annoying you? For example, getting to play a game that she normally would be prevented from playing.

Another thing that could cause this is boredom. If she has nothing else to do, she might annoy you simply to have some kind of excitement.

Okay, she started doing it again after less than a day. And when I reminded her, she said that I never said anything about her not touching me, and that it was a 'funny conversation' not a serious one because she was laughing at me when I was explaining it.

I can see that the control issue might play a part in her behaviour, but I'm not really sure what I could do to give her a measure of control over something that wouldn't make me so uncomfortable. She already has her own laptop and phone etc, and my parents are quite lenient with her so she is allowed to do most things within reason.

Firstly, this is clearly 'bad behavior' on her part, it's funny for her because it gets a great reaction and her parents let her get away with it. Your parents need to stop it, not you. If they won't, I'd be asking WHY, seriously.

Secondly, no giggling, no smiles, lose your temper with the kid. She is getting fun from being bad with no bad consequences right now. Make the consequences bad, really lose your temper with her, no smiles or joking. And do it every time. And complain to your parents every time.

This is only acceptable behavior to her because both YOU and YOUR PARENTS, let it be. Don't. Yes, she will probably cry.

Since she's a kid, crouch down to her level and calmly explain that she's too rough and her grabbing and pulling hurts. Tell her that if she wants you to keep playing with her, she needs to stop touching you because it makes you uncomfortable.

She's a kid, so if she likes you, she'll listen up when you lay down the law. And if she slips up, stop her right then and there and remind her.

can your parents not intervene?

Sorry about the delay in replying, I've been away!

My mum tends to take the stance 'you're an adult, deal with her yourself'. If I make a big fuss she eventually intervenes, but usually not before. I find it very difficult to deal with her myself (as I am sure you have gathered from the original post) partly because of my AS I think, but also just because I'm her sister and not her mum so she doesn't consider me an authority figure. It doesn't help that she is taller than me.

She does sound like she's being malicious, i.e. wanting to hurt you. You probably can't reason with her, though you might somehow be able to make her afraid of hurting you.