A long time ago, around the seventh and eight grade, I tried to make some friends with anyone who was willing to even hear me talk.
Of course, this was difficult, because special education had sealed me away from the rest of my peers for six years and stopped me from learning how to socialize properly.
At first, I thought I had met a few people who were willing to talk to me and have a good time and laugh with me.
It turns out they were only talking to me to get things that they could use against me.
I still remember a lot of the things they did today, and the problems of it echo throughout every day life.
I have a friend who said that she was done with a party she was at and was talking with some friends, and for some reason this horribly irked me.
Because she didn't have any friends since all of her friends moved away, and now I'm beginning to wonder if I'll end up being useless if she becomes friends with more people.
I've thought for a while, and came across everything that says "she's not going to do that, she values you as a friend" but I keep thinking that she still will, even though part of me knows that she won't.
What I'm saying is, I'm not a very secure person, and I need to figure out how to get over this. I can socialize just fine, but this is starting to cripple me, because I keep thinking that everyone is going to turn on me when I need them the most, or that I'm only a last resort as a friend and that other people will come in and I'll be left without anyone to talk to or hang out with.
It stops me from talking to other people to get to know them too. I have difficulties making new friends, although not talking with people I already consider friends.
I need to figure out how to stop panicking over things that are not likely to happen, and begin to shrug them off and start thinking rationally.
To anyone that can help, I'd really appreciate it.
06 Sep 2010, 10:04 pm
