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Lecks
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04 Oct 2010, 6:00 am

There are quite a large number of posts and threads about Aspies being prone to being manipulated but I'm wondering if there are Aspies who have a "knack" for manipulating others.
Personally I find that I do, it's remarkably easy for me to get people to do what I want. I just don't tend to want anything from other people so I don't use it much. That being said, I'm not always aware that I'm doing it. It's often when I look back that I realise I was being manipulative.

Does anyone else catch themselves being manipulative at times, and being surprisingly good at it?



Laz
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04 Oct 2010, 7:21 am

Well having worked with people with learning disabilities for the last 10 years or so I would say some of these people who have been labelled as "low IQ" are actually some of the greatest manipulators and survivalists I have ever come across both those in the care system and those who are out in the community who have peicemeal contact with community services.

Most of this so called manipulative behaviour is motivated by survival and carving out a niche and i imagine aspies do engage in such behaviour as well to some degree as if you are unable to operate by the same rule book as everyone else you will have to develop coping or adaptive strategies in order to endure.

I would say a lot of management of a workforce involves manipulation because you are involved in motivating people to do something they are not entirely committed to doing (especially if they are more driven by the pay cheque then the actual work itself, wrong attitude for being in care) A lot of management techniques do involve lying and manipulating to some degree, which is probably why I sucked at it :lol:



Kaybee
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04 Oct 2010, 9:12 am

I only ever attempt to manipulate people into calming down when I find they're being unreasonable and/or hostile. It tends to work fairly well, but sometimes backfires.


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deadeyexx
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04 Oct 2010, 10:00 am

I'm good at being passive-aggressive. I can get people to confront me and make them look and feel like jerks for doing so. All while I'm totally calm.

I'm also good at manipulating people based on the amount of attention I give them. The more attention I give, the more they like me and feel close to me, and the more I ignore them, the opposite. I've gotten amazingly good at giving the right dosage of each to keep people exactly where I want them.



League_Girl
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04 Oct 2010, 12:27 pm

I manipulated my husband during sex and I didn't even know I was being manipulative until he told me. I don't think it was a bad thing I did. It didn't hurt him. I just said things to him so he cum faster inside me and sex be over with. Now those tactics don't work anymore because he stopped believing me.

I think anyone can manipulate. Two year olds sure can. It's learned behavior. If you give into them, they learn if they want their way, they have to do that.

I think there are different levels of manipulation. There is the crafty kind and the kind where it's obvious you know someone is trying to have their way. Temper tantrums for one or the guilt trips.

I'm guilty of doing guilt trips in the past and they have worked before.

I don't know if I am passive aggressive. I try and be polite and be calm but I don't think that make me passive aggressive or does it? I just try and be polite and be mature. If the other person is still being a dick to me, I just think they are not nice people and they are making themselves look bad.

Anyone that claims they are unable to or don't know how, I call BS on that. We are all capable of doing it but we can choose not to do it.



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04 Oct 2010, 12:33 pm

My dad is the king of manipulating people. I myself find that I have a gift for manipulating people but I avoid using it at all costs.


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Laz
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04 Oct 2010, 1:46 pm

Quote:
I think there are different levels of manipulation


Indeed, there is an inate instinct as you have identified with the two year old example that can be adapted through learned behaviour.

I guess the most sophisticated kind of manipulation would be "public relations" which forms the basis for propaganda, advertisement and marketting strategies. As well as political parties selling their message to an electorate are all the more elaborate and sophisticated. Whether they actually have an impact or not is open to debate.



DarthPaul
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04 Oct 2010, 2:54 pm

I recently dumped a girl that I had been going out with for a week. It was plain to see from the start that she was in love with me, but I was unsure of whether or not I wanted a relationship with her. However, this was the first, and probably the only time for quite a while, that I had even a chance for a romantic relationship with a woman. I took it, thinking my feelings of unease would pass over time. They didn't. In the meantime, the two of us had lots of fun together, going shopping, watching movies and listening to vinyl records. The romantic stuff, cuddling, kissing, sleeping together, that was where I began to feel uncomfortable. But that feeling was all in the back of my head, as my outward appearance said to her that everything was okay when it really wasn't. Finally, I came clean to her one night. I told her that I wasn't comfortable being with her romantically, even though we had been together for a week and had sex twice. It hasn't been going well at all since. She left that night, and not only does she hate me, our mutual friend (who introduced us) isn't pleased with me either. He has accused me of leading her on, of playing mind games with her and using her only for sex, which isn't true. I had legitimate feelings for her, but it turns out that I not only wasn't telling her the truth, I wasn't being true to myself either. I broke it off before the supposed "mind games" continued, and it was probably better for the both of us in the long run.



Guitar_Girl
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09 Oct 2010, 6:09 am

Lecks wrote:
There are quite a large number of posts and threads about Aspies being prone to being manipulated but I'm wondering if there are Aspies who have a "knack" for manipulating others.
Personally I find that I do, it's remarkably easy for me to get people to do what I want. I just don't tend to want anything from other people so I don't use it much. That being said, I'm not always aware that I'm doing it. It's often when I look back that I realise I was being manipulative.

Does anyone else catch themselves being manipulative at times, and being surprisingly good at it?


I am actually very suspicious of people. If someone tries to trick me, It doesn't work! I can tell when someone is trying to manipulate me.



James0Zero
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09 Oct 2010, 8:16 am

I've been frighteningly good at manipulating people in the past... But I don't do that anymore. It never lead to anything good, so I stopped.



MizLiz
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09 Oct 2010, 11:56 am

I have a very high IQ and have often wondered if I might not be a sociopath.

But that's not a question a real sociopath would ask. :lol:


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