Looking too Aspie?

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Hello wrongplanet,

I am Tales, a member from Singapore. My fellow Aspergians and I have set up a support group for youths with ASDs/ADHD.

During our intense discussions about our fellow Aspergians in Singapore, we have discovered that some Aspergians reflected back that NTs have a sense that they can tell from the look that this fellow has a mental condition or something. Basically I am very skeptical on this but I cannot admit that it is possible true.

I just want to clarify this from a western perspective here. Really no offence to all fellow Aspies/Auties.

Often we can appear different because of our gait, stimming, obsessive behaviour, lack of eye contact, body language, &c; even just the way we dress can set us apart. All of these things can be worked on but may require a great deal of effort. Myself, I don't bother trying to look like I fit in, because I don't. I do, however, make an effort to walk straight, look people in the eye, and adopt stims that don't stand out as much or are more socially acceptable.

I adopted the following mantras (I have many more.)

"If you don't like what you see, then bugger off."
"If you don't like my music, wear earplugs."
"If life gives you a sack of s**t, just drop it and leave it."
"If life punches you in the face, you kick it in the groin, preferably with steel-toed/spiked boots. The same goes for Society"
"Forge your own path. Following the herd just leads to a stagnant pond."
"The mainstream/hollywood fashion industry caters to those who lack the balls to be themselves and/or are too stupid to think for themselves."
"I may have a weird walking/running posture, but I can still kick ass."

Aside from behavioral cues . . .

My roommate firmly believes in something called "gay face." He insists that it is in the eyes (the bone/lid structure, not an ambiguous expression), and he can tell from a photograph of nothing beyond that someone is gay (well, men, that is). Since he and I are both gay, I asked him "Do I have 'gay face?'"

He responded that I had "Aspie face," which was the coining of a phrase for him. So I guess so.

But then I look at photos on here and I don't necessarily see any similarities in features. But my facial skills aren't the best.

Dunno if it would relate to aspie face. But in a few pics of mine, sometimes I think I look sorta asianish. Though I can probably attribute that to being 1/8th native american (no card or whatever though, so it really doesnt benefit me.)

As cruel as it sounds, I find myself playing "Spot the Sperg" when out in public. Horrific/non existent fashion sense is a dead giveaway. Something in eyes and posture are giveaways.

Care to explain more in visual format perhaps? My members would benefit a lot from this info.

Nah, don't associate yourself with "all" aspie males. You're attitude says a lot.

It depends on a person, but with some people it's pretty obvious, and a lot of aspies tend to look "similar."

Most folks on the spectrum dress for comfort, not fashion. Some of this is the result of hypersensitivity to touch--they can't wear ill fitting clothes. Many don't care about fashion--unless it is a special interest.

Well I wouldn't say that Aspies have a specific look that sets them apart. All the Aspies I've seen, however, including myself, don't fit very well in the society's gender boundaries in regard to style of clothes, shoes, makeup use, jewellery use, etc. Fashion sense is another thing, it can be learned so older Aspies may be perfectly dressed up - usually more perfectly that the occasion requires though.
There are Aspies and Aspies, some you can spot in a crowd, some need to be known better so as to realise that they think in a different way than most people.

I'm the inverse of that - I dress for fashion and comfort. I know this will piss off people here, but I don't get why most aspies don't give a damn about how they look - I know some of you have issues with touch/feel and that's understandable and you have my apologies. I understand sweatpants, loose fitting jeans, Velcro sneakers and the such look comfortable but I personally can't stand the look and feel of them - and it doesn't help the cause my parents forced to wear sweatpants and jeans that felt like sandpaper.

My daily outfit consists of a nice, simple top such as a plain T-shirt, button-up or crew neck, a nice pair of bootcut or slim fit straight leg jeans from 3 certain brands and a pair of slip-on Ugg loafers/Vans or Rainbow leather sandals. I might have the Aspie body movements and facial expression but I don't dress the part.

My bones are much more brittle, I walk differently. My speech is different.. and my social behavior is subdued. These are the things off the top of my head that I can think of although each aspie is different and unique. The majority of people don't even know what AS is, I've never been confronted although I have been hassled about my peculiarity.

(I'm sensitive about things, so I dress accordingly. I want to fit in as much as possible so I've adapted myself into dressing to my surroundings instead of sticking out.)

I did not know that aspies have a particular fashion style or apperance. I look like anyone else just don't bother with fashion.

I think it has more to do with behavior/dress than a specific bone structure or something physical. When I find myself looking at another person wondering if they might have Asperger's also (such as another person who works in my building) it is those kinds of traits. These are also the things related to appearance that people have commented about me as being weird:

"Dorky" clothing/no fashion sense - It's not that I don't care about what I wear. I do. I pick things that are comfortable and also that I like the appearance of. This just has never fit in with what is considered "fashionable". Also I don't believe in spending boatloads of money for brand names (or recognize most of them) or things like jeans that are already ripped (that's just illogical, sorry).

Peculiar gait: I have been told that I lope, I move my shoulders too much, walk too fast, clomp my feet, etc. Lots of complaints on this. I'm also fairly clumsy and run into things, and I tend to slouch (don't know if that's related).

Strange voice. I am told my voice is monotonous (when I used to work in a call center, people frequently thought I was an answering machine), or that I "swallow" my words making them hard to understand. I frequently get asked if I have an accent (I don't, I live in the same region of the country where I grew up). I do have a speech impediment (slight lisp) but I don't think this accounts for all of it. I used to get teased about the lisp a lot as a kid, when it was more pronounced (heheh), but people do not comment on it as much as an adult (to my face anyway). I have had people recognize me who have never seen me and only spoken on the phone, on the basis of my voice. Since I have no way of hearing my voice from the outside (and I'm told that everyone thinks their own voice sounds odd when recorded and played back) I can only base this on the NUMEROUS comments other people have made.

I also get a lot of comments about my speech patterns other than voice, that I use unusual or archaic words or strange constructions. People can't/don't usually explain what they mean by this, except that its "typical" of me. This part doesn't bother me, because I do like unusual words.

Lack of expression: People I meet seem to be divided into two categories... those who think I have a blank stare/sad expression and can never tell what I am thinking, and seem to expect more reaction, and those who can read everything I am thinking in my face. I'm don't think I'm very good at "covering" my expressions as many people do to mask what they feel, but some people apparently don't see this and others do. I'm also not very good at inserting face expressions appropriately unless I'm concentrating on "reacting" to people when they talk (which I do when it's especially important, but not all the time because it's exhausting).