How can one NOT be taken advantage?

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OK, I am sick of people trying to tell me that I am SUCH a weak person when it comes to Aspies being taken advantage of. Maybe I am not that often, but I really want to train my social skills and other abilities. What specific skills (as in social lessons) does it take to train NOT to be taken advantage of, especially if my goal is a very manipulative haven where anyone can be out to get you (Hollywood)? I want to judge independently for the first time.

Well, they are probably trying to make you feel bad about rejecting a request that only really benefits them (disproportionately to you). Or it's based on threats that they'll terminate the "friendship". In that case, just use the typical NT read-between-the-lines retort of "well...I'll think about it." or "hmmm...let me get back to you on that." Narrow your eyes with a thin smile while you do so -this connotes skepticism without saying "I don't believe you" (which could prompt more aggressive behaviour or intimidation tactics, as it has with me in the past). If they continue, you could tell them "look, if you're going to pressure me, I'll just walk away, we can forget about this."

If they resort to intimidation tactics, then it's basically a victory for you...you revealed their true colours...as I like to say, when someone tries to intimidate you, it's a good sign, b/c it shows they haven't succeeded in manipulating you.

To be completely unmanipulable you have to be completely open and friendly and trust no one and only do things because you want to. Don't try to get into anyone's head.

Since aspies learn mostly by mimicking or observation, I would recommend finding a good role model.

It's hard to take advantage of someone with real or perceived options.

It depends in what way someone is trying to take advantage of you. Hollywood as in show business is not manipulative if you are going through the proper channels. It's a business and the goals of the agents and actors usually coincide with each other.

It's important in life that you are able to say no to people, and protect your own goals on occasion, even at the risk of coming across as rude, because sometimes that's the only way to protect yourself.

For example, a homeless person approached me the other day and asked if I had any change. I had $5 1 dollar bills and I pulled them out to give him $2. I don't mind doing this. I am aware of the risks and I am aware of the fact that this person might just use the money for drugs or alcohol, but I do it because there are a number of homeless people who are not drug addicts or alcoholics and will use the money for food or transportation.

When I pulled out my $5 he rather seriously said "Why don't you just give me all of those?"
I gave him $1 and put the other $4 away, because his comment revealed to me that he was a manipulative person. He tried to take advantage of my kindness. If I help someone, it will be on my terms only.

Sure enough, after I began to walk away, he continued to ask me for things. I stopped and turned and informed him that he can get all of those things at one of the many shelter's down town and the money I gave him could get him there. He then pretended that he didn't know where down town was. I pointed him to the bus stop and then continued walking.

Rude? If I was rude, he was twice as rude. Was he upset that I didn't give him all of my money? Possibly, but why should I care? He was a stranger who certainly had no regard for my best interests.

^- this. So much wisdom in those four statements.

People can only take advantage of you if you let them, you need to build a sense of awareness and assertiveness so that you can discern when someone is genuine or not. You can do this through Social skills training and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, you should definitely talk to your local GP about finding classes in your area.

Do you really need to know if they're being genuine? They could genuinely want to maniulate you. I am more with fraac on this, and the "don't try to get in anyone's head" is all about that.

In my mind, that idea is "never look inside people." Second guessing people's motives i a good way to get yourself manipulated. Like this: "I trust this person. They would not try to make me do something I don't want to do." If you examine their request at face value, judge their actions not their intent, it is easier for you to make an honest decision about whether you want to participate in what they want you to do.

I think it's always good to question the intentions of others, that way, you can easily discern if they are willing to take advantage of you or not and what type of character they are. I do think that if you share a mutual respect and understanding of trust with the person, you should trust them but that's something that takes years to build, you can't rely on a homeless person who has no regard for your best interests to understand the value of trust. You could judge their actions and body language as being friendly, only to be deceived at a later stage to have a gang of homeless people rob you or stab you with a needle. I think it's right to not trust anyone and to always assume that people aren't trustworthy unless you are certain they share a mutual understanding of trust with you.

But you will never know another person's mind. Many people don't know themselves, even. Pretending you understand what's in someone else's head is not only futile. What you really know is your perception and imagination of that other person's mind. Not the same thing.

You only know their actions. You base your mental image of them on what you have seen & heard them do & say. (Or by hearsay) A good manipulator can present a long series of actions that disguise their true desires. That is what manipulating is. Presenting a false front.

Yes to both the above. Trust no one, be friendly to everyone. Only do things that are good for you. Don't try to out-think anyone. If you stay honest, manipulative people can only play themselves.

Ignore any scams you get in the mail. Ignore any chain letters you get. Do not participate in them. Ignore any PM here you get if it says they are interested in you.


Do not trust people except friends and family. Never give people your money to loan out, never give out money to people who claim they need it, do not help strangers get into their cars when they say they have locked themselves out, do not help strangers get into their homes when they say they have locked themselves out, never give people your stuff when you sell it to them when they say they will give you the money later, If a friend does this to you or a family member and they tricked you, do not trust them ever again. Also do not believe everything people say to you about you. Believe in yourself. If someone says you did something and you know you didn't do it, trust yourself. I have been accused of things I did on here and I know I didn't do them because I trust myself and my memory. I am not going to just assume I did them just because the former mods said I did just because I don't always remember my actions. I just have to trust myself. Besides if I always believe everything people tell me what I did I don't remember, people will start taking advantage of that because they would know they can get me to admit anything and they can use it to manipulate. If I know I didn't do something, it is very likely I didn't do it. Heck this one kid in my middle school had me believing for two years I stabbed a fork in his neck and I believed it. I wonder if he got a kick out of that when he found out I was actually admitting it. When kids asked me about it, I said I didn't remember but it must be true then since I don't remember everything. Then in high school, this other boy told me I didn't do it and that boy just made it up to get attention and be cool. After that I decided I had to start trusting myself again.


Here is a bonus, never take food from people when they give it to you.

I'll admit to getting taken advantage of in the dating world, most likely because the girl sensed my desperation. Back in my mid 20s (about 10 years ago) I went on a date with this girl I'd met at a club - a good little victory for an Aspie - but sensed after the first date that I wouldn't hear back from her, like so many others. Well, I actually got a call from her over a week later, saying she wanted to meet with me somewhere, and as soon as I meet her she ask if I can lend her $40 because her room-mate just bailed on her w/o paying the rent. I asked if her family could help her out (smart move!) but then she countered with "oh, but I hardly ever speak with them" so feeling sorry for her, I lent it and never heard back from her. My instincts should have told me that even if what she said was false, there's a good chance that it was her roommate left because of her or that her parents stopped talking to her b/c of something she did - basically she had PSYCHO written all over her.

Sometimes I've thought my ease of manipulation was because of the "glass houses" mentality - so many people have wrongfully judged me too quickly, so I'm hesitant to do the same. But I've wisened up since and rejected manipulative advances, they can invoke my stereotypical "selfish" Aspie behaviour all they want to make me feel bad, but they can go f___ themselves.

Basically, if you don't wanna be taken advantage of, just say no.

It's that simple, sorta. Then you must use discretion to see which people you say yes to.

This is a bad idea. Say yes to anything that directly benefits you, and play along without commitment until you know whether a proposition directly benefits you or harms you. Playfulness is key.