Contacted an ofd friend on Facebook (Details in post)

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lazuruswolf
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30 Oct 2010, 9:09 am

I decided to contact the secretary of my old school who was also my welfare assistant. I found her by putting her name into the search function on Face-book. She was a massive influence on me and also someone who really increased my self confidence and she really was one of the first real friends I had. She's 53 now was in her early forties when she was lumbered as she once put it with me. I have some really good memories of her and since it has been 13 years nearly since we spoke I felt it was time to talk to her again. What I am asking the rest of you is do you think that going out on a limb to renew a friendship with someone who meant the world to me back then and even still does now is it okay or have I made a serious mistake. I know she's a nice person and I missed her company. Just wanted to know what the rest of you would think.



momsparky
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30 Oct 2010, 9:23 am

I think it's a good idea; that's what facebook is for!

Here's my suggestion - use the FB feature to send an email to this person, saying how glad you are that you found them on facebook, and basically reminding her of who you are, saying what you wrote here, offer your email address - and leave it at that until you get a response. This gives the other person a number of options: they can choose to respond, choose to "friend" you, or choose to start a correspondence.

I wouldn't feel slighted if this person chooses one of the less intimate options - many people try to keep their work life and personal life separate - but even so, I think she would appreciate knowing her she had a positive effect on you.



lazuruswolf
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30 Oct 2010, 9:48 am

I attached a message to the friend request just stating who I was also put a new photo up on profile so she knows who it is from and it's genuine and not from someone who does not know her. I am now waiting somewhat nervously to see if or when she comes back to me. I hope and pray it will be positive can't think why it would not be but I think anyone in this situation would get a little bit paranoid.

Still wait and see..... :)



passionatebach
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30 Oct 2010, 1:34 pm

I am fighting the same thing with my best friend from late elementary school/middle school right now. He added me as a friend on Facebook last spring, and I finally mustered up enough to send him a private message about two weeks ago. I still am waiting to hear from him, even though he has been on Facebook once or twice since.

Our friendship was very similar to the person that mention in the post. My family helped him get a hand up out of a bad home situation, he helped me with certain aspects of my Aspergers like socialization and how to get involved in things. Unfortunately, we were close for only a few years and he moved away. Due to his personality and life issues, and due to my Aspergers (I had always wanted a close friendship with him like we had when we were children), the friendship has been rocky since. I am hoping that due to both of our life circumstances, experiences, and education, that things will work out better this time (for example, through experience, I have learned that to have a friendship like when we were children would be akward and inappropriate).

I have also learned that he is ambivilent toward most people that he adds as a friend on Facebook. There is the friend request, but very little interaction. He reminds me of someone who is spontanious, but private (He would enjoy your company if you crossed paths, but it is hard for him to send out correspondence).



lazuruswolf
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31 Oct 2010, 7:48 am

Yeah to the last post I get what you mean. With Karen it was more of we instantly clicked with each other. I've never had that before nor since with a woman. She is strictly platonic as friends but she kind of gave me faith that there are people out there who see beyond what they are presented in person. I also found she was innate in the sense she could tell what mood I was in and she also could make me laugh and taught me the very valuable lesson of taking a joke against my self and later life that's saved me a lot aggravation with people I did not get on well with.

I know that Karen was not perfect neither of us where but we gelled so well together it was one of the few times I was smiling like a Cheshire cat. And I am at the best of times not a huge smiler but hell she could make me smile just by being near me. She also gave me the confidence about eye contact with people too which was a massive self confidence boost and I have always looked people directly in the eyes since and have no hang ups with doing that because I know with socialising it is a massive help in any situation even those I have hated.

I in some ways find it hard to explain what she means to me but at a deep personal level she means a lot and I feel and still feel humbled to have had someone like that as a friend and I know us Aspies have a gift/curse of a long memory but in her case I will say the good memories she's given me have helped me at the dark points in my life when she's not been here. I am praying and hoping that when she sees I have contacted her that we catch up and talk. I am not bothered if we don't see each other for months in person because just having her presence and having her back as a friend would mean more than any physical contact.

She really is a star.



lazuruswolf
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06 Nov 2010, 5:06 am

Still not heard anything from her yet.......I guess she's probably very busy with life not that it bothers me and I am hoping that is all it is. Just a tad paranoid I guess it might be a negative response to me contacting her that could be headed my way I think it very doubtful but has been a week since my message was sent....hmmm!



Dear_one
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10 Nov 2010, 1:42 am

Cool Avatar, L-wolf.
Teachers usually like knowing they have made a difference, but all their time is taken up dealing with new challenges.



Miyah
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10 Nov 2010, 7:12 am

I think it's a wonderful idea since she happened to be a good mentor to you like that. I have someone who left an impact in my life who drove me to school during my Jr. Year. We still talk on the phone because we liked each other so much.