Really alone today

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I woke up and life doesnt seem like worth living. I'm sitting here, it's gloomy outside. It's so dark and alone. I just feel like my mind is always trying to turn to someone but then I remember that there's noone there. I don't even know what I'm supposed to do to make friends.

Today I quit Aikido. I only fell out with the people there and rolling just hurt so I gave it up. I emailed the sensei to tell him I wouldn't be coming back. All this just makes me feel even more hopeless. I thought it was the right thing to do but it felt just as wrong to leave as it did to keep going.

I just can't see the point..

Is it possible to find a way to patch things up with the Aikido people, or start doing something similar that might not hurt as much? If it keeps you going, you need to either find a way to hang on to it or replace it. I wonder if you can take this little bit of time where you're not sure exactly what to do and work a little on your general physical conditioning, stuff that would help whether or not you go back to Aikido. Maybe even take a look at your diet or organize things a little. Do something to make things a little better. And take care of yourself.

This is what I don't get, it feels as bad to quit as it does to carry on. I quit because every time I go in feeling find and come back feeling crap so it can't be right. I'm also going through a seriously emotional time and have a tendancy to get visible anxiety on the mats which is embarassing. People in Aikido also have the tendancy to take the hard line with you, not the sensei but other people there.

I just talked to the local aikido studio. They said that you might try tai chi-- lots of the same discipline, but less impact. Have you ever considered that? Or maybe just talking to your sensei-- might have some good advice?

I hear you about visible anxiety and public-- I was crying at the gym yesterday. Argh. Got through it, though. Feeling better today. Glad I made it to the gym, even though I was embarrassed. Maybe tomorrow will be better for you, too.

Thanks Vector for your help on this. I've looked up Tai Chi and it looks interesting.