Rejecting a negative peer

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I live in a big city and I happen to live 2 miles from a guy who is in his 50's and has a brain injury. We got along at first and I really seemed to enjoy his company since he is full of knowledge and interesting stories.

He also has a knack for going behind other people's backs and talking about their problems all the time. For instance, he has a roommate with high-functioning Autism and has a lot of social and independent skill deficits that other this guy cannot tolerate or less alone understand. He has often called this guy names like, "Screw-up," or "Whack-job," because he doesn't do things that the rest of civilized society does and beats to his own drum. I have even asked him to stop numerous times since I felt like what he was doing was gossip. Yet, he told me that he was going to continue to talk anyway he wanted about this guy to the point of abuse. He has also not once offered to help this young man get his feet planted on the ground and grow as an adult and complains instead.

He has also ripped into me several times about what I have done wrong to him after past meetings along with talking about things that are wrong with me.

One example was recently over the summer when the two of us met at his house and we both went on the bus and went out to dinner. After that, we went to look at computer supplies, and then he said that he needed to go shopping for cat supplies, and I said that I needed to browse around the office store for a while. So he left and we both did our own thing the rest of the night since I was not feeling good.

He called me at the end of the week and started nagging at me that two normal people who go out usually head out together and do everything such as shop even though it wasn't on their intended list.

He has also accused me of being self-centered and negative myself and this made me feel bad about myself and want to cry.

A few of my friends have complained about being cut down by this guy and being so upset that they will not offer him rides or care to associate with him. I am starting to feel the same way myself since I am yearning more towards being more positive and associating with positive people.


I need to let him down politely but I do not know how or what to mention to him.

How should I go about this?

I'd try making some realistic excuses such as "I'm busy", "I have an appointment", "I'm sorry, I already made plans" etc. It's best to be general and not make your excuses very detailed.

So this is the same guy then. You did not tell the whole story the first time you asked whether it was appropriate to depart from him or not, and thus, you received inaccurate information. With the story more in context, the answer to your original question concerning the matter above is, you were in the right because it was he who chose to leave.

As for your present questions...



Next time he wants to get together, I would decline. If he continues to ask, I would be upfront with him. I would tell him you don't like the way he treats you and don't want to subject yourself to his negativity anymore.


How should I go about this?[/quote]

+1

I find honesty is much better than making excuses. Yes, if you make up plausible reasons to turn him down, sooner or later, he'll get the hint. But I at least would find it more painful to be forced for a time to wonder if it was a hint or not. I'd rather just know the truth. And I consider such treatment more polite, in the long run. Yes, I know there are those who will argue it is not polite. Opinions vary. I've stated mine, and given my reasons. The final decision on how to handle this, of course, is up to you.

I thank you for the advice about this man who happened to ruin Christmas for me by talking about other people behind their backs. He had also badmouthed his class-mates from high school and said that they were all really stupid and they hadn't changed since high school and they could all die for all he cared. He was so bad that he made complaints about characters from a tv show and said the the kids were annoying and that he would like to drown them in the bathtub. Finally, he made some fascist comments about his roommate that he is incapable of being human just because of the autism and how he acts in the world.

He had stepped over my boundaries and now I am going to have to let him down.