On deflecting questions about behavior

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K, this is my first OP, and it is about eye contact issues and questions I sometimes get about my behavior. I'm nearly 40 years old and I know I ought to find better ways, but I'm fairly proud of what I am able to do currently.
I can never understand why people call me weird. I don't know what it is I'm doing that's weird in particular. I just read a post by a lady who used the term "Uncanny Valley" and I've never heard it before, but I sure appreciate that I stumbled across her post.
Okay, so here are some of the questions, and some ways I respond. Those with more practice than me are welcome to respond with whatever you think.
Some ask questions, "Why are you staring?" I don't have an answer other than the honest one, which is "I'm not staring. I'm just looking."

Or they ask, "Everybody else laughed at my joke, why didn't you? You don't get jokes?" I don't have an answer, other than the honest one, "I got the joke. I didn't think it was funny." And always, their response is, "So you were offended!" Again, honesty: "I wasn't offended. I didn't think it was funny."

Or they ask, "Your jokes are weird, why do make such weird jokes?" Honesty, "You're not smart enough to understand my jokes."

Sometimes they ask why I don't look at them. This is where I get nervy, because there isn't answer I can offer. I try to formulate my answer based on how the other person's being. I won't tell them I'm not comfortable with eye contact.

I try to avoid people like that if I can.

If I'm stuck in the situation, the only way I've found (so far, sometimes I try different things) to make it stop is to put it back to them. Because, I think putting someone on the spot is obnoxious and ... I don't know, masturbating in public, in a way. "Why do think I'm staring? You want to me to not look at you at all when you're speaking to me? I can, if you makes you more comfortable" or "Your joke just wasn't funny, but it's not the end of the world. I didn't smack your dog. I didn't insult your mother. I just didn't laugh at your joke. Why are you making such a big deal? Stop obsessing" or "I don't look at you because I think you're kind of ugly - or - weirdlooking - or - remind me of those photos of cosmetic surgery gone wrong - or - you always sleep-boogers in your left eye and it iggs me - or - you're always glaring at me."

Okay, what I just said sounds like a rude and snotty thing to say. But it's the other person that opens the door on rudeness. If they're obviously bullying me, they are earning comments like those. To me, it should not make a difference if I don't look them in the eye. It's their business if they want to think I don't take them seriously. I think that this is not a wrong way to think, because, if someone thinks I don't take him seriously, he can pick any number of reasons, including whether or not I'm wearing a scarf or sitting there eating corn chips.

Only once has someone openly labeled me Aspie, it happened in front of other people: I've got five people staring at me, and the room has gone silent. I felt like I had a bullseye pasted on my head. But I kept calm. This is where my obsessing came in handy, because I had just read a butt-ton of stuff (not just a little, but everything I could find) about narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder. I asked if he was sure that I was Aspie, because I was positive he was narcissistic, and before he could respond, I counted down several examples in his behavior. And lo and behold, the other group was nodding along, and pretty soon, one of them pointed out a couple of things he'd done that I wasn't around to see, and then another one did. And another. He was not happy. Any problems he's had with me, he hasn't mentioned since. But, the narcissism continues to be pointed out to him by others in the group, just never by me. I don't know if he's narcissistic or not, but I did know at the time that he wasn't trying to make an observation or help me, he was bullying me.

I don't enjoy being mean, but I don't enjoy being the butt of their jokes either. I just do what I can do take the focus off myself and not worry about them.

I'm not suggesting that I do the right thing. If and when any of you get "obnoxious" as I describe, do you find more positive results (positive for you) or fewer? If and when you find that you have to be rude, do you feel better about you handled things, or worse? There are days I go home and worry about what I might have brought on myself for that, like I feel that person will punish me somehow. If you worry like that, do you seek reassurance from a loved one, or deal with it alone?

What you described sounds just like me, or at least how I used to be. All the observations you made in this post seem to be spot on. It's just that most people are too cowardly to point them out, which is why everyone added on to your observation about narcissism because they could use you as a shield.