Probably lost one of my two friends.. What should I do?

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I don't know how this thread will seem to others but I'm honestly seeking for advice on this matter.

Last week I got really sick, probably a flu, and I had a fever of 38 degrees celsius all week; I was extremely weak and couldn't study. By the end of the week, I went online for a few times to post on WP or to read/watch at least something. Then, my friend.. I guess I could call her my friend.. Anyway she started talking to me online. Then she asked me if I could do her homework on a certain subject (I have done that for other people before, and as I do it much faster than they do, I don't mind these occasional requests) I replied yes and she sent me the homework. Few days later, when my condition hadn't improved, I told her that it's very unlikely that I'll do it for her. I remember that she told me that it has to be done by the end of the week, and I should inform her on a certain day if I couldn't do it. I didn't remember when and I forgot it completely by Monday. When I returned from school on Monday, I had a fever again, and now I've been so tired that I couldn't do any of my own homework. So she contacted me again and asked about the homework. I told her that I apologize but I couldn't do it at all, that I hadn't done any of my homework either. Then she sent me emoticons like " " and told me that I should have informed her at least and "it would've been polite", and that she counted on me. When I started writing her a reply which begun with "I think I had to inform you by the end of the week? And I apologize for putting you in this situation", she went already offline. What should I do? What should I say now? She was a great intellectual mind, I could discuss many scientific topics with her, but now I'm quite confused. I think she had to consider my illness as well? Did she react this way on purpose, or does she think I had done it on purpose?

I'm asking because I came across similar situations before and I'd really like to know how to deal with it properly. Hope it's not considered trolling since it could seem kind of silly. Better I'll ask for advice here though than deal with anxiety and ruin everything afterward. I think it's also one of the reasons people think I'm rude?? I answered her honestly and I also told her that it's very unlikely I'll do her homework and I honestly forgot which day she had mentioned. Is it just a way NTs react? If it was me, I wouldn't tell her any of that, because I wouldn't really count on her, if she told me how unlikely it is that she'll do my homework. I'd try to do it myself and then just tell her "It's ok, I'll do it myself." I really don't understand this..

Let's see if I got this straight... your friend asks you to do her homework for her whilst you have a raging fever and you're the one who has to apologise because you were too sick to do it??

Sorry, she's not much of a friend if she's throwing a hissy fit because you forgot because you were way too preoccupied in being sick, to send her a polite email telling her that ( !) she's going to have to do her own assignment herself!

I think you should email her back; tell her that it's also impolite to use friends. Tell her that it's even more impolite to use friends when said friend is off school and is too sick to even do their own assignment let alone anyone elses'

I mean, I get that she asked you to tell her if you couldn't do it a few days in advance, but you were sick. She shouldn't have been relying on you in the first place and you are not her personal secretary; if it meant so much to her, could she not have made the effort to phone you up or send another email (you know, whilst asking how you were doing which is what friends do)?

The best way to deal with situations like this is to not do other people's work for them, or at least not for free (and 'I'll be your friend' isn't payment). This applies for the rest of your life (unless it's actually for a charity).



No, you don't come across as trolling (and even if you are writing the above for lols, then it's well written so worth a response ). Lots of people here have gone through very similar situations of being taken advantage of and even made feel guilty by the people that are taking the advantage.

No, this isn't how normal NT friends react. This girl doesn't come across as a friend at all. I am loathe to tell people to ditch bad friends because I know how difficult it is to make them with AS; what I would suggest is sticking by your guns, refuse to apologise anymore (you've already said sorry for your small part) and not helping her with any more of her work. If you happen to find new non-usery friends then move on ASAP!

First, I wouldn't do other peoples' homework in the first place. I don't think you should do it, either. Even if you don't mind doing it, it still creates at least some amount of stress in your life, whether you notice or not.
I think that you should have initially stated, 'No, I'm sorry, I'm very ill and I don't think that I can have it done for you,' or something along those lines.


Now, you didn't do any of the above, which is fine if it works for you; the above is just what I would have done.
As far as what happened goes, your "friend" has proven herself unworthy to be a friend. She should get off her butt and do her own assignments; not depend on you to do them for her. You're being more of a friend than she is; this incident is telling me that it's not a proportional give-take relationship: you're only giving, and she's only taking. If she is an "intellectual", she will know that she has to pull her own weight and get her own assignments done; not use people and get infuriated when they can't come through due to something as uncontrollable as an illness.


I'm sorry that this whole incident occurred, and I hope you get better.
As far as the friend goes, I don't think she is one. I would try to move on from her; I'm sure there are plenty of people out there who would be a better friend candidate for you. (I just noticed that we are the same age.)

If you ask me, you're lucky to lose a "friend" like that. I think she was taking advantage of you because you're an aspie... a neurotypical would have seen through her manipulation and using of you. She was friends with you as long as you'd do her homework? She's lazy, and a cheat, and it's probably the best thing that ever happened to her that she had to deal with the consequences of not doing her own work. She can't coast through life without putting any work or effort into it. At least I hope not. If she's an "intellectual" she ought to use her intellect, not abuse her friends. Her treatment was shameful.

I know how you feel, I've been used in the exact same way in the past, writing other people's academic papers for them for no reward, barely even a thank you. The main person whose papers I wrote for him had an IQ over 150, and yet still expected me to write his papers for him, while I was doing my own finals. Not only that, I had to read material in two different languages to finish his papers, and I wasn't studying those languages at degree level... I was doing a completely different syllabus. It broke my heart to come to terms with the fact that this was abuse. It takes a while to realise that these people are users, not friends. The way she treated you while you were sick shows you the extent of her friendship.

Don't worry, there are genuine people out there, who will be real friends to you. Don't worry about this girl. Chalk it up to experience.

She'll get over it if she's really your friend.
Stop doing people's homework.
Drink lots of fluids.

No offense, but then why can't she do her own homework

Get well soon! Like the others said, if she's really your friend she'll forgive you. Not that you should be apologizing for anything anyway really. And I don't know the rules for where you live, but in Ohio, if you do other people's homework you can get into major trouble along with whoever's homewrok your doing. Just saying...

Everybody who's posted already is right.
ESPECIALLY about the fluids.
The way she "hung up" on you strongly suggests she didn't care if you did anything or didn't do anything on purpose or by accident. She just wanted her homework done. If she'd had her homework done, and you landed in the hospital from your fever (which sounded awful), doubt she'd have visited you. I did a crap-ton of favors for a friend, we were friends for a couple of years, and the one time I asked her to do something for me, she refused. I'd never asked before, and didn't ask after. It was one small thing, and it shouldn't have bothered me, but it floored me that she wouldn't do it, after all the favors I'd done her. I skated. I knew what I had to look forward to was the next favor she'd need. That was our future as friends, so I ended our future. Better to dump them than get dumped on by them.